Friday, May 2, 2008

Knotts Landing On the Anointed One

While Pro'Verb's hot fiyah spittings have been both awe-inspiring ("Incredibly hot" -- says DeShawn) and timely, the real ether brought to this series was from frequently poetic newspaper scribe Tom Knott. Who better to unleash the furies upon the anointed one and his team of striped cronies than the Moonie-fed slam poet, who can be a bit onery, especially when his nemesis Etan Thomas, ne "the Poet" in Knott-speak, or those pesky Gilbert Arenas attention ploys are involved, but that's what happens when you got an MC that's fed up with the BS and must speak on it. Wednesday's column "Sweet Crybaby James" just about obliterates Mike Wise's previous efforts (although this Tough Juice appreciation piece and this "Win it for Abe!" piece may have drawn two or three tears over here). T-Knott throws those viscious one-sentence dart-'graphs in such a venomous free-prosed manner complete with those Knott-isms you love—the nicknames, the political-incorrectness, every sentence beginning with a preposition likely throwing grammar Nazis into the throws of a fit that no serial comma could ever induce—providing the freestyle cypha that the media's coverage has delved into with its most fortuitous effort. Peep game:

"DeShawn Stevenson knocked off the headband of James in Game 4, and you
could have thought Stevenson was guilty of assault and battery.

Such embellishing is customary in Cleveland, where even the elementary
comes cloaked in superlatives if James is behind it.

His pass to Delonte West in the final seconds of Game 4 — the object of
so much gushing — was hardly awe-inspiring. It was a play that as many as
three-quarters of the players in the NBA could have made. It merely required
James to spot the second defender drifting toward him and dump the ball to the
open teammate on the baseline.

It did not send chills down the back of anyone, excluding the LeBrohava
Witnesses of Cleveland, so psychologically crippled by the John Elway Drive, the
Earnest Byner Fumble and the Jordan Shot over Craig Ehlo that it indulges anyone
it believes could end the championship curse."

DAYUMN SON! The sheriff of Knottingham lands blow after blow upon the headbanded one's coddled dome, and this was all done BEFORE the triumphant triumphs of game five! Could this column have had a reverse Mike Wise effect in Cleveland, where copies were given to the urine-colored shirt clad DeShawn booers and Bog commenters in attendance in order to congratulate them for being "intimidating"? Of course that might require them having reading comprehension skills, most of which they, and their column-writing representers seem to lack.

How about a Pro'Verb-Sin-Knott-tra collabo? It has got Black Republicans trumped, trust.

UPDATE: Knott's column this morning = genius.

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