The Wizards Not Losing Playoff Positioning

You could, like some people (me) smash your head with your Comcast remote after seeing the Wizards blow another late fourth quarter lead against a team whose existence seems to be mainly for either jockeying for lottery ball positioning, or providing comedic routines for hack sportscenter anchors, but then afterwards, while nursing a sore forehead and bearing the brunt of your significant other calling you a child, while wondering why you don't just live by yourself --than you wouldn't have to deal with this constant scrutiny, and you could watch the Wizards lose soul-crushers to the Knicks in peace and not be called a child while ramming universal remotes into your face (which consequently didn't change the station), but then you might look foolish. Because that game last night, no matter how much it made you crave self-mutilation, didn't really matter outside of bearing the brunt of a Knick fanbase that despite a few years of "suffering" remain as intermittently hateable as all fans of New York- (or New Jersey)-based sports teams.

The Wizards still hold firm to that sixth seed in the East, and they continue to do so without the services of, well pretty much everyone who matters, not to mention the services of offensive cohesion, defensive non-chokiness, and adequate player substitutions. You could blame the loss last night on the sudden bone-headedness of Antonio Daniels, who last night was hell-bent on providing one ghastly turnover to balance out his assist-to-turnover perfection, in addition to his lack of ever being able to make a freakin' shot. You could also blame the loss on Eddie Jordan, rightfully uplifted for his coddling of the team together during the hard-fought Gilbert-less recent months, now resorting to benching the only remaining dynamic scorer (Nickname Young, still sitting despite actually lighting the Knicks on fire, a fire put out during a time-out by Zach Randolph [a fiery situation completely ignored by the increasingly excruciating TV play-by-play team of Phil Chenier and Steve Buckhantz. Phil and Buck, please wake up out of your elderly slumber and stop sucking. I don't care if you are a part of what looks to be the greatest bobble-head night of all time, your suckiness has me resorting to putting on a time-delayed Dave Johnson and Glenn {Knick-lover} Consor on a clock radio that hummed an ear-piercing tune of death during the first half.] Where was I?) oh yeah, Eddie Jordan, what is the deal, bro? Darius Songaila has pretty much resorted to sucking completely, why does he get minutes while highly entertaining, and occassionally effective Oleksiy Pecherov sits on the bench, not being able to jack up unneccessary three-balls? Why run isolation plays where the entire team watches Roger Mason Jr., chuck up a Gilbert-sized three-ball with seven left on the shot clock? Why does Jamison not see the ball for the final possession?

So many questions, yet only one truly remains viable: When will we get our freakin' guys back? Well, according to reports out of the gym, soon. So while last night sucked worse than a typical Hayden Christiansen acting performance, the understanding that help, in the form of finally healthy Gilbert and Etan, not to mention velvet-jacketed Caron Butler is on the way ought to be comforting. Just listen to a non-trading, pat-standing, tis-dom purveyor and Wiz bozz Ernie Grunfeld's assessment of the team:

"I like this team," Wizards President Ernie Grunfeld said. "We just have to get healthy and see what we can do here in these final 30 games."

See? Everything will be fine in due time. Now I am getting some ice.