Thursday, February 14, 2008

Wizards Maintain Playoff Positioning Thanks to DCO

After last night's stirring triumph over both adversity and the Los Angeles Clippers, the Washington Wizards ended the first half of the season on a positive note. With visions of 2007 forcing themselves back onto our consciousness, it was nice to see that with a bit of health (thank you AD), and with a bit less sexual assault via officiating, the Wizards were able to not blow another double-digit lead and emerge victorious against a team that, well, sucks. In the nine games since Bobtimist last posted Wizards-related appraisal, the team has been a bit unlucky, struck down by the hands of god via lingering hip injuries and lingering ankle injuries as a result of lingering knee injuries, losing face-punchingly bad games to the Sixers, and the Warriors, in the midst of losing other, more predictable games to the Suns, Lakers, Jazz, Nuggets, Globetrotters, Patriots, and the Republican party. Unforgiving officials in Oakland and Phoenix didn't understand the effort put forth by a team missing every point guard, and half of it's all-star contingent, and proceeded to ignore the remaining Wizards' most impressive game-clinching efforts in order to appease the NBA's cadre of elitist bigwigs. Why else would Antawn Jamison be called for a loose ball foul while Grant Hill's fragile ass had him locked into the sleeper hold in order to prevent 'tawn's inevitable offensive board during the Phoenix debacle? Why else would Oakland-based officials decide to quit sending Wizards to the free throw line in the final fourth quarter minutes to trump up a collapse all too familiar to this team? Deshawn Stevenson may have been perfect-plexed to the floor by Andres Biedrins on a drive to the hoop, but the officials decided instead to stare into the regions of the nether, allowing the Warriors to shove Antawn out of the way for boards, and cut the lead to nothing.

If you listen to Stephan A. Smith's brilliant halftime-of-the-Suns-game analysis (and it is pretty hard not to, with it, like all ESPN analysis, being SHOUTED), you would know that the Wizards, "need Gilbert and Caron," and without them, they are not just ordinary, they are 2000-2001 era ordinary. Yeah, the eight-game losing streak was pretty bad, but with the Eastern Conference Playoff picture looking about as asthetically appealing as Mike Starr headlining a romantic comedy, the Wizards remained locked into the sixth seed. Not so bad right? But they did need this sort of win to steady the waning levels of sanity. Thankfully, 'tawn's tip found it's home, and the hard times are officially behind us. One probably thinks that the manner in which 'tawn's tip somehow circumvented three Clippers, and the desperate-to-call-a-loose-ball-foul officials to find its proper place as a game winner had some sort of mystical attributions, right? And the purveyors of this brilliant display of fortitude in the face of damning via unearthly spirits? Why, the DCO, of course. Back before the start of the season, Bobtimist was traversing the internet, spreading the 'tism in a manner that didn't occur like once every three weeks like it does now, and he encountered a troubled young lady who had lost the predilection to root for her favorite basketball team. She needed a new team to root for in light of this glaring void, and Bob was happy to provide so many reasons the Wizards were the team to love. And with bandwagon non-Wiz supporters filling the Verizon Center on a regular basis, he felt it was necessary to spread the weath in an opposing manner. Why love the Wiz and not insufferable Canadian teams like the Raptors?

1. Everything Gilbert has ever done and continues to do (lol at Canadian interneters getting salty about his spot-on assessment of Jose Calderon)
2. Andray Blatche's colorful legal past and powerful post moves
3. Caron Butler's colorful legal past and powerful current presence (when present)
4. Antawn Jamison's continued wilyness around the basket
5. Oleksiy Pecherov's existence
6. Deshawn Stevenson's dancing (not his ball handling)
7. Brendan Haywood's locker room brawls and resulting on-court improvement.
8. Nick Young and Domenic (12 boards!!) McGuire's youtube-marked companionship
9. the greatest website ever
etc. etc. etc.

Shortly after registering all of these awesomes, she was convinced, and became a steady supporter of the Wiz, all the way over in Long Beach California, buying tickets to one of the Wiz's only visit's to the Southern California area, vs. those hapless Clippers. But what to wear to this perrenial event? Instead of springing for one of those cute smedium blog show tee-shirts with a clever internet saying that becomes passe a day post shipment, she sought the archives of the Optimilitia, and we were happy to oblige, FedExing a shipment of three, well-worn Wizards memorabilia items to Long Beach for usage at said Clippers game. The package arrived, the losing streak ended, and photos are on the way! (Including screengrabs from an innocuous TV appearance!)

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I was thinking since Tim is available.. maybe he could be an assistant Coach Outlet
helping with the quarterbacks and offensive line.. can you imagine coming to Florida and having the best college player being your Coach Madison
.. hanging out with you everyday -- I don't think we have to worry about the prospects still coming to Florida to play football; but to be honest.. Coach Meyer getting his health 'fixed' is the most important.. want to have him around for many years.. even if he's not on the sideline. I've been a Gator fan for 30+ years and have gone through the ups and downs of Coach Luggage
.. Dickey; Pell; Hall; Spurrier and now the best coach anyone could ask for... sorry for rambling.. just a hot topic for me -- hope our Gators will win this one for 'the Gipper' - Coach Hamptons