Wizards Lead Most of Christmas Night

An impressive Christmas night performance by our lightly regarded Wiz, who often spent the night in the lead of the ballgame against their apparently-more-NBA-friendly rivals. However, it wasn't enough to overcome the most one-sided officiating performance in recent history. Instead of having to overcome their tough opening stretch of games, injuries, poor play, porous defense, DeShawn Stevenson's presence, etc, the Wiz had to overcome both the influence of corporate partnerships and apparently something the NBA refers to as officiating last night in their 23rd almost-win. In case you were busy smashing your head against the wall instead of watching the Wizards umpteenth consecutive non-clinching fourth quarter, the Wiz were called for a phantom foul on a three point shooting player wearing 23, then they were called for charging on two consecutive plays, both of the questionable variety, sandwiched between a delightfully ticky-tacky loose ball foul with the game on the line.

There was no doubt that the fortunes of the Wiz were pre-determined, therefore it is unnecessary to look at the final score, since the illuminati-like team of Phil Knight and David Stern apparently phoned in the final score as soon as the Wiz held the lead with under two minutes remaining. The team the Wizards were playing against did nothing to secure a win other than hurl themselves to the floor (as per usual) in some of the poorest acting performances this side of "The Hills," with the "Closer"-like refereeing squad feigning influence by these pretending-to-be-hurt fakers.

Interesting note that before the game, the Wizards' opposition altered their uniform choice so as to appease one of their players and the release of his new, soon-to-be-on-sale-at-Marshall's shoe release. Interesting how exposed as terrible that player would have been if the NBA and Nike hadn't fixed up that fourth quarter and allowed the unfortunate Wiz to end that team's decrepit-home winning streak. Another interesting note that was happily buried in referee-abetted red tape: How another dude with the James surname was unstoppable, while the one from all of the lame commercials was busy complaining to the officials that his charges weren't called.

While the Wizards have had their fair share of moral victories this season, we here at the almost-monthly-updated DC Optimist feel that this moral victory is the most savorable. There was no way the NBA, TNT, Nike, et al were allowing their unfortunately uniformed darlings to fall against a Wiz team seemingly inspired by 24 consecutive hours of "A Christmas Story," which continued to air on the other Turner network. Mike James, likely leaving his now-famous progeny under worthy supervision, was shooting the Cavs's eyes out, and Antawn Jamison, who doled out impressive buckets almost as often as phantom fouls, earned an "A+++++++" grade tonight. And new starter Domenic McGuire is showing how nice it is to not have DeShawn Stevenson play as many minutes as he had earlier in the season with his improving defense, rebounding, passing, and dunking.

So even if after that pathetic excuse for a fixed outcome you have determined that watching NBA action is equivalent to watching a glorified Harlem Globetrotters performance (with terrible comedy courtesy of the anointed one during the commercial breaks!), and you will never tune in again, you ought to reconsider. Because with the odds-defying that the Wiz must overcome every night, that big win number five ought to be a more impressive victory than Ralphie's sudden beatdown of the yellow-eyed Scut Farkas.

Wizards in Mid-to-Late Season Form

Hey wizards fan, maybe you too were as excited as the DCO offices were that the Wizards were finally kicking off some preseason basketball action, action that was televised on Comcast Sportsnet featuring the bumbling, yet lovable duo of Steve Buckhantz and Phil Chenier. Maybe you were so excited that you cooked a steak with a lovely butter and garlic sauce sided with a blue cheese spaghetti dusted with bacon bits (oh Rachel Ray, your bacon-goes-with-anything philosophy is the stuff lives are based around). Maybe you had just cut a slice of your steak and inserted it into your mouth slowly as to let the succulent beef and butter sauce effectively enhance your cholesterol when suddenly the deliciousness that was crafted through your thirty-minutes of hard work vanished as Antawn Jamison, the rock of the lineup, the 20 and 10 big man, the heart and soul, the 08-09 Wes -- according to Abe Pollin, etc, crumpled to the floor after slipping on a hideous Dallas McCains logo en route to smothering Dirk Nowitski. The steak suddenly tasted of garlicky battery acid as 'tawn writhed on the floor and trained Eric Waters rushed to his side along with two others to walk him off the court. The blue cheese spaghetti tasted like live rattlesnakes peppered with pain as Phil and Buck read the requisite "knee sprain" from their reports. The night was officially ruined for you as you took your couch pillow, nestled it on top of your eyelids, threw the recliner back, and forced sleep upon yourself as if it were to stop the sadness of your Wiz-life entering such an early stage of disconnect(ed ligaments).

But, while dinner may have been ruined, FEAR NOT, as even if the Wizards played at mid-to-late season form (as in, body bag style), the news regarding Antawn's knee was good. Strained tendon. He even says he's good to go for the Memphis game, if it were game seven against the Cavs or whatever. Apparently, 'tawn went to the Jason Taylor school of iron-clad ligament enforcement, where even the scariest, most revolting looking knee grabs simply can be stretched out, walked off, and held intact without Gilbert's-career-threatening-like surgery.

It was then, Wizards fan, maybe after you realized that the witnessed knee strain (not sprain) that ruined dinner wasn't so bad, that you decided to partake in the remaining carton of Ben and Jerry's Smores Ice Cream, which was so awesome that you risked cardiac arrest and partook in injesting it. Then suddenly, Chris Miller of Comcast Sportsnet and Ivan Carter of the Post teamed up to deliver more shocking news that transformed the graham crackery goodness into sandpaper inflected drywall spackle. Brendan Haywood, the Wizards' exceedingly brilliant big man, who ratcheted up his game to such a high level last season that all previous years had completely been relegated to "development time," would likely miss 4-6 months (!!) getting surgery on his SPRAINED wrist. All of this news was delivered while Chris Miller flippantly added that Brendan likely chose this surgery because the season was a lost cause without Gilbert at 100% for two months anyways. HUGE INJURY PLUS COMMITMENT QUESTIONING? You too may have vomited a little, and not to taste the ice cream again.

But we here at the DC Optimist are not ones to panic in the face of repeated Wizards' injurious ways. We managed to maintain sanity and witness the sparkling play of three of the Wizards stockpiled bigs, and felt yes, everything would return to the peachy-keen ways of that imaginary period when the Wizards were kind of healthy.

1) Andray Blatche, sporting what appears to be an eraser-inspired Kufi on his head, was spectacular. Worked the post skillfully, spun away from defenders and hit circus shots, enacted fast breaks after getting rebounds, looked all of the freakishly talented 6-11 that we had been salivating over. Big Blatche's 19 and 5 could spot start for either the wood-man, or Jamison, and it would remain exciting.

2) JaVale McGhee, NOT A STIFF. This was the DCO's first witnessing of Pam McGhee's kid, and man, were we impressed with his footwork, general offensive ability, and actual athleticism that is NOT simply the result of extended limbs. Some may have been salty that the Wiz didn't draft some extracurricular activity-loving point guard back-up, but this kid McGhee looks to be the real deal. And this is while Eddie Jordan et al remain steadfast in their assessment that the kid is raw. Could this extra playing time cook him into the well done big man neither Brendan nor Etan could ever have been? Witness Blatche's development and Haywood's development. It is really looking like this team knows a thing or two about making viable centers, folks (ignore the thoughts about this guy when you read that).

3) Oleksiy Pecherov, ALSO NOT A STIFF. Kid was stroking threes and being a general offensive pest. Good stuff from Pesh, who hasn't seen much healthy action either (WIZARD 4 LIFE!). He spent most of his garbage time minutes last year shooting threes that bounced off the front of the rim, now, with a week or two of 100% status, he is nailing those threes.

So see? Even with Brendan's upcoming absence, Jamison's scary tumble, and the overall status of the economy possibly ruining your TV-inspired dinner, things will be OK, Wizards fan. Trust us.

A Throwback Wizards Game/Season/Mindstate

Last night, in a move that wasn't surprising, at least to us, Gilbert Arenas returned to the lineup to score 17 points off the bench for the Wiz in a game where they lead pretty much the whole time, all the way up to the end in fact. Gilbert, as per his usual flair-for-the-dramatic ways, kept Wizards beat writers, the internet, sports talk 980, etc all on the edge of their press boxed and cubicled seats regarding his decision to ignore sound medical advice and abstain from game action during that so-so west coast road trip, only to skip shoot around, make statements about his non-playing status, and then play. Mr. Cliche'd Quirk suited up in one of those number zero jerseys that are freely tossed into the stands after games and sank his first four shots. Rust was not really displayed as he managed to exude a bit of his patented clutch-osity hitting two free throws at the end of regulation. It reminded us that it has been a long year of waiting for the Wiz to finally return to full strength.

So with that close-to-full complement of Wizards players, the team returned to their Eastern-Conference-leading-at-one-point ways by losing in heart-gouging fashion to a team so beneath them, playing defense reminiscent of last season's legendary squad. Also similar to their recent glorious past, key players managed to injure themselves in a most awe-f*&%$-inspiring manner. As if the good lord was hand-guiding them in that final fateful few seconds, both Antawn Jamison and DeShawn Stevenson managed to injure themselves simultaneously on a dive for a loose ball a mere seconds before a d-leaguer sank a freakin... seriously, you can't script fatefull season endings of this magnitude. (I am hearing a certain twinkling piano-still photo montage commercial in my head about "Amazing" things...)

But with this recent blast-from-the-past style of play, one can (make a flailing attempt to) look to the positives. Back in those days when "not possibles" rained down from marginal players, and centers were both brawling and bawling (and not ballin') and crucial ligaments and bones shredded at the most inopportune times, etc et-f&*%in cetera, the play of Gilbert Arenas was nothing short of spectacular. These types of losses happened frequently, even before they started to really happen even more frequently when Arenas and Butler's seasons bit the proverbial dust (remember the Donaghy-assisted depleted Iverson trade-Nuggets loss post-60-pointer? That gawd awful Atlanta Hawks Caron-is-finally-back game?). The Wiz were able to withstand those soul-crushers, just like they were able to withstand soul-crushing injuries, soul-crushing refereeings, soul-crushing home crowds, soul-crushing draft picks, and soul-crushing blog posts that eventually jinxed whatever goodness surrounded the team in an alarmingly short time period. The Magnetic Resonance Imaging results from 'tawn's shoulder are to arrive soon making the past look like it may eerily repeat itself, but instead of huddling into the fetal position, chanting "Nats undefeated, Caps playing meaningful games" to yourself while you soil your Jared Jeffries jersey, think about the good parts of the past. Try. Seriously.

The Wizards Not Losing Playoff Positioning

You could, like some people (me) smash your head with your Comcast remote after seeing the Wizards blow another late fourth quarter lead against a team whose existence seems to be mainly for either jockeying for lottery ball positioning, or providing comedic routines for hack sportscenter anchors, but then afterwards, while nursing a sore forehead and bearing the brunt of your significant other calling you a child, while wondering why you don't just live by yourself --than you wouldn't have to deal with this constant scrutiny, and you could watch the Wizards lose soul-crushers to the Knicks in peace and not be called a child while ramming universal remotes into your face (which consequently didn't change the station), but then you might look foolish. Because that game last night, no matter how much it made you crave self-mutilation, didn't really matter outside of bearing the brunt of a Knick fanbase that despite a few years of "suffering" remain as intermittently hateable as all fans of New York- (or New Jersey)-based sports teams.

The Wizards still hold firm to that sixth seed in the East, and they continue to do so without the services of, well pretty much everyone who matters, not to mention the services of offensive cohesion, defensive non-chokiness, and adequate player substitutions. You could blame the loss last night on the sudden bone-headedness of Antonio Daniels, who last night was hell-bent on providing one ghastly turnover to balance out his assist-to-turnover perfection, in addition to his lack of ever being able to make a freakin' shot. You could also blame the loss on Eddie Jordan, rightfully uplifted for his coddling of the team together during the hard-fought Gilbert-less recent months, now resorting to benching the only remaining dynamic scorer (Nickname Young, still sitting despite actually lighting the Knicks on fire, a fire put out during a time-out by Zach Randolph [a fiery situation completely ignored by the increasingly excruciating TV play-by-play team of Phil Chenier and Steve Buckhantz. Phil and Buck, please wake up out of your elderly slumber and stop sucking. I don't care if you are a part of what looks to be the greatest bobble-head night of all time, your suckiness has me resorting to putting on a time-delayed Dave Johnson and Glenn {Knick-lover} Consor on a clock radio that hummed an ear-piercing tune of death during the first half.] Where was I?) oh yeah, Eddie Jordan, what is the deal, bro? Darius Songaila has pretty much resorted to sucking completely, why does he get minutes while highly entertaining, and occassionally effective Oleksiy Pecherov sits on the bench, not being able to jack up unneccessary three-balls? Why run isolation plays where the entire team watches Roger Mason Jr., chuck up a Gilbert-sized three-ball with seven left on the shot clock? Why does Jamison not see the ball for the final possession?

So many questions, yet only one truly remains viable: When will we get our freakin' guys back? Well, according to reports out of the gym, soon. So while last night sucked worse than a typical Hayden Christiansen acting performance, the understanding that help, in the form of finally healthy Gilbert and Etan, not to mention velvet-jacketed Caron Butler is on the way ought to be comforting. Just listen to a non-trading, pat-standing, tis-dom purveyor and Wiz bozz Ernie Grunfeld's assessment of the team:

"I like this team," Wizards President Ernie Grunfeld said. "We just have to get healthy and see what we can do here in these final 30 games."

See? Everything will be fine in due time. Now I am getting some ice.

Wizards Maintain Playoff Positioning Thanks to DCO

After last night's stirring triumph over both adversity and the Los Angeles Clippers, the Washington Wizards ended the first half of the season on a positive note. With visions of 2007 forcing themselves back onto our consciousness, it was nice to see that with a bit of health (thank you AD), and with a bit less sexual assault via officiating, the Wizards were able to not blow another double-digit lead and emerge victorious against a team that, well, sucks. In the nine games since Bobtimist last posted Wizards-related appraisal, the team has been a bit unlucky, struck down by the hands of god via lingering hip injuries and lingering ankle injuries as a result of lingering knee injuries, losing face-punchingly bad games to the Sixers, and the Warriors, in the midst of losing other, more predictable games to the Suns, Lakers, Jazz, Nuggets, Globetrotters, Patriots, and the Republican party. Unforgiving officials in Oakland and Phoenix didn't understand the effort put forth by a team missing every point guard, and half of it's all-star contingent, and proceeded to ignore the remaining Wizards' most impressive game-clinching efforts in order to appease the NBA's cadre of elitist bigwigs. Why else would Antawn Jamison be called for a loose ball foul while Grant Hill's fragile ass had him locked into the sleeper hold in order to prevent 'tawn's inevitable offensive board during the Phoenix debacle? Why else would Oakland-based officials decide to quit sending Wizards to the free throw line in the final fourth quarter minutes to trump up a collapse all too familiar to this team? Deshawn Stevenson may have been perfect-plexed to the floor by Andres Biedrins on a drive to the hoop, but the officials decided instead to stare into the regions of the nether, allowing the Warriors to shove Antawn out of the way for boards, and cut the lead to nothing.

If you listen to Stephan A. Smith's brilliant halftime-of-the-Suns-game analysis (and it is pretty hard not to, with it, like all ESPN analysis, being SHOUTED), you would know that the Wizards, "need Gilbert and Caron," and without them, they are not just ordinary, they are 2000-2001 era ordinary. Yeah, the eight-game losing streak was pretty bad, but with the Eastern Conference Playoff picture looking about as asthetically appealing as Mike Starr headlining a romantic comedy, the Wizards remained locked into the sixth seed. Not so bad right? But they did need this sort of win to steady the waning levels of sanity. Thankfully, 'tawn's tip found it's home, and the hard times are officially behind us. One probably thinks that the manner in which 'tawn's tip somehow circumvented three Clippers, and the desperate-to-call-a-loose-ball-foul officials to find its proper place as a game winner had some sort of mystical attributions, right? And the purveyors of this brilliant display of fortitude in the face of damning via unearthly spirits? Why, the DCO, of course. Back before the start of the season, Bobtimist was traversing the internet, spreading the 'tism in a manner that didn't occur like once every three weeks like it does now, and he encountered a troubled young lady who had lost the predilection to root for her favorite basketball team. She needed a new team to root for in light of this glaring void, and Bob was happy to provide so many reasons the Wizards were the team to love. And with bandwagon non-Wiz supporters filling the Verizon Center on a regular basis, he felt it was necessary to spread the weath in an opposing manner. Why love the Wiz and not insufferable Canadian teams like the Raptors?

1. Everything Gilbert has ever done and continues to do (lol at Canadian interneters getting salty about his spot-on assessment of Jose Calderon)
2. Andray Blatche's colorful legal past and powerful post moves
3. Caron Butler's colorful legal past and powerful current presence (when present)
4. Antawn Jamison's continued wilyness around the basket
5. Oleksiy Pecherov's existence
6. Deshawn Stevenson's dancing (not his ball handling)
7. Brendan Haywood's locker room brawls and resulting on-court improvement.
8. Nick Young and Domenic (12 boards!!) McGuire's youtube-marked companionship
9. the greatest website ever
etc. etc. etc.

Shortly after registering all of these awesomes, she was convinced, and became a steady supporter of the Wiz, all the way over in Long Beach California, buying tickets to one of the Wiz's only visit's to the Southern California area, vs. those hapless Clippers. But what to wear to this perrenial event? Instead of springing for one of those cute smedium blog show tee-shirts with a clever internet saying that becomes passe a day post shipment, she sought the archives of the Optimilitia, and we were happy to oblige, FedExing a shipment of three, well-worn Wizards memorabilia items to Long Beach for usage at said Clippers game. The package arrived, the losing streak ended, and photos are on the way! (Including screengrabs from an innocuous TV appearance!)

Seattle Loses to Washington

That's right, according to our bffs over at Bulletsforever, the Washington sports teams have defeated their inferior opponents from that dreary western "other Washington" after the awfully adequate Wizards vanquished their unworthy competitor by such a large margin that assistant coaches Phil Hubbard and Dave Hopla were suiting up for garbage-time minutes.

The Wizards continue to stay afloat minus their other superstar, Gilbert Arenas, who seems to be comfortable pwning the internet whilst taking his sweet time to nurture his cursed knee. Speaking of curses, thankfully, both BF and I posted this column after the Seattle beatdown, instead of Tom "Kiss of Death" Boswell, whose last two predictive pieces have been consecutive written versions of Matt Hasslebeck's overtime pep talk vs. the Packers in '03 (also seen in Howard Dean's campaign trail as well). I am starting to believe he has jinxing material mixed in with his gracious 'tism. Should we be concerned that his glorious Nats-World Series predictions during the winter meetings will instead end up with Elijah Dukes being arrested for sending threatening glares to Kelli Johnson while the team moves away to Portland?

Lets not have any sort of 'tism inhibition session here; we need an extra heaping dose of it with the good coach stepping down, and people discussing a certain moustachioed replacement instead of the proper (HINT: assistant coach: Defense) replacement. Well, actually, there has been some good fortune in Washington. First of all, blogger is no longer disabled at the DCO headquarters! And second of all, the Wizards have been the recipients of a gracious path to the postseason while Gilbert takes his time with therapy. As if there were anything for the Wizards to be thankful for regarding injuries, they have been receiving that gold-paved-road treatment with their recent opponent history. Jeez, you would think the way the Wizards encounter teams as soon as they lose key starters, they would resemble, say, the Seahawks. For the umpteenth consecutive time, the Wizards were able to face a team minus it's Wizards-killer, in this case being occasional effort-outputter Chris Wilcox, who was missing from the game with a dislocated finger. In the previous game (another 20+ DIF belittling), the Milwaukee Bucks were without their superstar Michael Redd (did they ever have him?). Tonight, they face a Houston team without their brittle commercial poser, Tracy McGrady, who fought bouts of health for the beginning of this pretty disappointing Rockets early season. The manner in which the Wizards have treated these foes, laughing in their face when they whine about their list of disableds, has been admirable. Other things have been pretty sweet in the recent Wizards-weeks (of which Bobtimist was lost somewhere in the internet, trying to decipher this youtube).

In that Bucks-besmirching, it was nice to see the Wizards actually decimate a team filled with all of their also-rans (Simmons, Ruffin, Storee), unlike in their last loss against Detroit, home of the guaranteed-Bullet-redemption, with their latest convert, Jarvis-freakin'-Hayes in tow. Not unlike a certain flighty-goal-scoring-defenseman who coughs up playoff-clinching goals only to end up on that team years later to both help and torment the Capitals (btw: sweet youtube here), Jarvis returned to Verizon and brought his seldomly-silky-smooth jumper, where **of course** it rains threes in crucial Wiz-coming-from-behind moments. Jarvis was seen talking to the crowd before sitting down, grudgingly answering questions like, "Where the *$%! was that last year, the year before that, and the year before that?" with shrugs. It was nice to see the old Jarvis return earlier in the game, when Andray Blatche fouled him to the floor where he winced, in familiarity.

So, despite Detroit's Wizards-abetted existence, the team remains in great shape, and another reason they remain in such a fantastic position, one I haven't been properly expounding on, as been the play of Caron "Tuff Juice" Butler. Good lawd, the juice is loose, ladies and gentlemen! Besides all of the statistical what-not that Caron has been improving on across the board, he has emitted a sort of rugged, win-first, get-a-triple-double-second, posterize foreigners-third mentality that just floors me. Why is he the heart and soul of this team? Well it could be his "tuff" upbringing, where instead of running screen and rolls under the stern supervision of a slightly abusive daddy, leading to years of moody off court problems, and a possible rape charge, the Juice was running drugs as a hopper in Racine. He played ball for sweets while locked up in solitary. Regailing over his youth-hood almost seems cliched, but I would like to see one of these spoon-fed basketball prodigies deliver a story that even remotely compares.

Report: Wizards Not Doomed

Redskins training camp has had the easy going nature of a workplace team-building session, complete with trust-falls, friendship-buildings, and early closures. The Nationals are tearing through the National league, reeling off consecutive wins and propelling out of the basement as if they were networking bloggers. With all of this goodness surrounding the DC sports scene, why have there been such negative attitudes towards the most playoff-prolific of the local franchises, the Washington Wizards?

All of a sudden, after a future-gambling, cap-crunching importing of Kevin Garnett to the Boston Celtics, everyone's favorite big three seems tiny to some in comparison. Foreign commodity Juan Carlos Navarro couldn't be given a contract without sacrificing Abe Pollin's precious luxury tax dollars and was subsequently dealt to Memphis for...something. Andray Blatche, looking at a new contract and the opportunity to break out into the KG-molded player we all see in him, slipped into the Chris Webber-molded player that we all hoped we wouldn't see in him by making it rain on a undercover police officer posing as a prostitute, leading to a much-blogicized arrest. Deshawn Stevenson was retained for that reasonable contract we all hoped for, but the move has occasional Wizard-noticer Michael Wilbon, amongst other disgruntled, asking whether Navarro would be a better option. And our favorite venerable Wizards' beat writer Ivan Carter is dealing with internet threats being placed on his totally awesome blog entries (if only the DCO received such threats, after all, the haterz is our motivation).

Issues like these may have a less optimistic person worried that the playoffs, where the Wizards have become accustomed to attending, may be out of reach. It may cause them to worry that Carter, seemingly losing his sanity, will cease giving us updates on exactly which picks the Wizards won't get for Navarro, and instead spend his off-time shopping for on-air shirts with Mike Wise, thus dissapointing the internets as a whole. But as you may have noticed, this place is never less optimistic about anything. Herein, we discuss why these minor issues will have no effect on the Wizards continuing their motoring-to-the-top ways, eschewing these distractions, building for the future, and continuing to provide Ivan Carter with spectacular internet posting material (seriously, try asking players the tough questions yourself before you go dissing Ivan, nerdz).

1) The Ballyhooed Garnett deal: The C's finally returning to some sort of eminence is a nice balancing out of a league, and having to deal with Garnett crying on camera about his loyalties and blah blah blah was also irritating, so we welcome this deal. However, we can't simply annoint KG, with new teammies Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, as the best trio in the eastern conference right this second, nor can we immediately place them above the Wiz on our scientific ranking systems. Unlike the KG-Allen-Pierce combo, the Wizards' big three (Caron, Antawn and Gilbert), have had two seasons of togetherness. Does chemistry count for anything on the basketball court (Seriously Hollinger, "glorified Wizards?" They will be lucky to touch the highest scoring trio in the league)? Carter, who has taken to balling with NBA players on occassion might say yeah. After all, it usually took a few games early in the season for the Wizards to engender new teammates into their systems. This will not need to occur in 07-08, for the chemistry will already be bubbling from their first place mid-finish last year.* Does this Garnett move resurrect the east? Maybe, but we feel like the ressurrection was in the midst of occuring last year*, until an unknown, unholy being decided that 2007 would not be the year glory would bestow itself in Chinatown. Speaking of injuries, how many games have Pierce and Allen combined to miss in the last two seasons? Everyone knows what happens when two of the big three are missing, even though everyone should have forgotten.

2) The Navarro deal: Juan, A second rounder whose decision to come stateside was ill-timed to say the least, will net the Grun-trust at least a first rounder sometime in the near future. This is a prodigious gain, frankly. Too many Wizards drafts have consisted of middling picks that either become Jarvis Hayes or sit overseas for a year. With two first rounders (sometime), the Wiz will be in the position to continue to bolster their future, or even deal for that elusive big man that doesn't really exist for less than 20-mil a year.

3) Blatche's booty call: Look, we are not going to again link ourselves to taking a stand for victimless crimes, but lets give the child a break. He is only 20 years old, has been shot, and has had to share a locker room with Michael Ruffin. We can grant him a little slack when the heat turns up and the local police officer count explodes. He has even taken to the airwaves to declare his innocence. The worst thing the Wiz could do would be to cut this kid loose for this transgression. The aforementioned Chris Webber may have had his personal flaws, but his colorful rap sheet was still the wrong reason to deal him for the genial Mitch Richmond. Give the kid a chance to redeem himself.

4) Stevenson's retaining: Look, the Wizards could have maybe dropped Rashard Lewis money on their venerable defending two-guard for his undying vet-minimum loyalty, but they didn't. They locked up that starting two position for the future at a reasonable price, ensuring the lasting chemistry betwixt him and Agent Zero, and supporting his role through the drafting of Nick Young. Stevenson had two major plays that lead to W's last year (1. dish to Caron for dagger vs. Knicks, 2. shot block and free throws vs. Hawks), and his swag was entertaining to watch. He fit nicely into Eddie Jordan's supposed system, and he actually has the potential to get better, with surgically repaired knee ligaments rounding into form. Why send him elsewhere for an unknown? Gilbert is happy with it, and with doomsayers worried about his pending free agency, keeping him ebuilient is of the utmost importance...

5)...As is keeping our friend Ivan Carter happy: Please don't let the internet bother you. One trip through the message boards ought to have you convinced that these people are pretty much crazy. So keep us posted on those Navarro particulars, PLZ!

Gilbert to Return in Time for Championship Parade

The Magnetic Resonance Imaging results on Wizards' guard Gilbert Arenas revealed what looked to be a rift in the meniscus-time continuum, likely leaving him out of action until the Wizards celebrate their inevitable championship on the streets of DC, where he will be 100%.

With 66.6 (coincidence?)% of the Wizards' big three out for the remainder of the regular season and the beginning of the playoffs, many fans are less than optimistic. However, with solid contributions from guys who have not been contributing during the more competitive stages of the Wizards season, the loss shouldn't amount to much. For example, Antonio Daniels, given starter duties last night by eerily prophetic coach Eddie Jordan, had a career high in assists. Etan Thomas has returned to first-two-games-of-the-season form with double digit points and rebounds in consecutive games. Antawn Jamison remains upright as well, averaging 19+ points and almost 10 rebounds, and Darius Songaila, although Jarvis-esque last night, is rearing into some sort of eggshell-colored form. Brendan Haywood, with the pressure of legitimate competition likely behind him, ought to return to pre-sulk levels of loopy post moves and fumbled put-backs. Lets not forget midseason call-up Mike Hall, who has been a small, acne-like blip (thank you High-Definition) on the Wizards lineup radar. Everyone loves this kid, a few even for his basketball talents.

See, they are almost there! And to help the Wizards retain their focus for the playoffs, the DCO has put together a list of to-dos for the Wiz to finish up their 9-game win streak, motor into the playoffs and crush any team they face, whether the other team wants to face them or really wants to face them.

1. Have Daniels average more than 17 assists per game. Shouldn't be a problem now that he has the offense at his command, even while Eddie Jordan makes the decision to keep him on the bench in order to watch the lead evaporate. Daniels ought to continue barrelling through the lane hitting cutters (no, not the Wizards fanbase), and pulling up for his occasionally reliable jumpshot.

2. Have Etan average more than 17 points and 10 boards. He's motivated, he is smallish for his position, he tends to scream a lot and he has dreds. No one predicted Lil Jon's rise to popularity either. (WHAT!?)

3. Have Jamison average more than 19 points and 10 boards and remain upright. Alright, this is looking like the same team that lost back to backs to the Charlotte-freakin'-Bobcats, but if Jamison can be the third (non-sprained) leg of this new big three, the Wiz ought to at least beat the Hawks (MAGIC NUMBER STILL = 1)

4. Have Mike Hall breakout (sorry).

5. Have Andray Blatche get healthy, fullfill his potential, and transform into Kevin Garnett like the internet says he will.

There are still tickets remaining for the Cleveland game too!

Anatomy of a Knee Sprain

With the Wizards having so much trouble with knee sprains this season, we here at the DCOptimist have decided to look into what exactly might cause such a frequent problem for the Wizards. The knee sprain is basically a slight strain of one of the three knee ligaments, the Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL), the Lateral Cruciate Ligament (LCL), or the Median Cruciate Ligament (MCL). The injury usually occurs when God, in a wrath unexplanatory to us regular mortals, decides it is necessary to ruin the lives of his people. Instead of say, sending a Tsumani to some third world country or lighting a poor person's house on fire, God, in his vengeful ways, decides to touch the precious knee ligaments of certain NBA players. His reasons for doing so aren't always clear, maybe it's because a certain computer-wielding fan isn't going to church enough, maybe it's because every time Jarvis Hayes decides to pull up for another uncontested brick, that fan screams God's name out in vain, followed by a dammit, or maybe it's because God has never cared for this certain individual nor his precious favorite basketball team and has relegated to torturing the team by allowing referees to ignore travelling calls and creating Kwame Brown. Either way, God knows that his ways are true and that instead of having this person wreak havoc on his three television remotes, and scream things like, "I hope even more of your family dies Walter Herrman!!" this person will remain calm and look at the finer things in basketball, like the entire front row of the Verizon Center wearing "I Can't Feel My Face" T-Shirts in tribute to cocaine and/or Deshawn Stevenson.