Looking Forward (Again) with the MAO of the Week (7-6)

We begin this MAO of the Week post with a bit of existential comedic stylings from Zippy the Pinhead, who in this strip simply cannot fathom the negativity from Griff, whom is often the voice of reality in Zippy's world. The DC Optimist loves Zippy not only because it makes us look intelligent and witty to pretend like we understand half of the strips, but also because we see a lot of similarity between the 'toon's titular character and Nationals Manager (and now 3x MAO of the week winner) Manny Acta. Staring at three consecutive series losses and mounting disabled listers already has General Manager Jim Bowden (ever the Griff in this cartoon), freaking out: "Is everything okay? No, everything is not okay," exclaimed Bowden when asked of the injury situation. I'm sure it was also a bit unsettling to Nats' faithful to see him pow-wowing with another person in a leadership position whose team is not currently looking so hot during last night's game either.

But never fear negativity fellow optimists, for we have a beacon of 'Tism that shines bright from the lockerroom like the recently opened-for-tourists Chesapeake Bay lighthouse. It has almost become a cliche (albeit a convenient one for a weekly feature), as once again the 'Tism master has kept our spirits afloat after another week of slumping Ryans to go along with general offensive ineptitude, as well as mounting injuries of the debilitating nature (based on the recent trends, I really hope Matt Chico is spending his offdays getting accupuncture, chanting, burning incense while lightly tapping gongs or some other form of spiritual cleansing). ChairManny, who seems to have earned the permanent label "perennially upbeat" from beat reporters, has again stood strong insisting that the Nats bat-woes are soon to be forgotten.

"It's not frustrating," Acta said of the team's offensive woes. "I don't get
frustrated by baseball stuff. We're going to snap out of it like we did before."

A very similar notion was expressed early on in the season by our very first MAO of the Week, Nats then hitting coach Mitchell Page. Page has since been on leave from the team in lieu of health concerns (an interesting pattern developing, no?) and has had his spot filled in the interim by former pinch-hit god, Lenny Harris. Would Page feel the same way about the team now? Last night line drives were being smacked directly at infielders, including Brian Schneider's 8th inning, bases-loaded rip. "You see all those holes in the field, and you wonder why you couldn't find one," said Schneid, echoing many of our sentiments. Yet despite this endless snakebite in the Nats bat, good always seems to pour from Manny's mouth, housed in that increasingly gray-flecked goatee. Sure Ryan Zimmerman is having a sophomore slump of epic proportions, but Manny knows this is temporary:

"Sure he's been up and down, but we know he can hit and field," the manager
said. "It's hard to keep learning at the major league level, and he's never
failed before. Yes, pitchers are adjusting to him, and now he must adjust to
them. We've told him, 'Don't try to do anybody else's job. Just do your own.' "

People may think that Manny, like Zippy, is just lost in the information gluttony this world is swarthed with, never looking into reality and seeing that the Nats, his personal managerial record, baseball in Washington and maybe even Iraq, could be doomed. But we don't agree with that notion. For there is "Big Sh*t Poppin'"(and lil' sh*t stoppin) in the Nats' future.

Today the Nats will officially introduce first round draft choice Ross Detwilder to the public, having signed him to a new contract that will fast-track his ascension into the major leagues. Being the first first-rounder to ink a deal with his respective team has the DCO feeling like this kid will be special. Bowden even has him eyeballed as a September call-up, barring some sort of John Patterson-esque elbow issues. Also in the fold for the wondrous future is Michael "The Meaty Legend" Burgess, our favorite Nationals prospect because of his prodigiously porky home plate returns. Nats need bats and Nats need arms. Both look to be on the way soon. So please stop worrying Jim. As for your hot-dog-eating game partner, well, we won't get into that.

Campaigning for Change*

In a few recent Wizards-related DCO posts, we have mentioned taking the events of last season's ending and removing it from our recollection permanently. After some internal discussions, we thought this concept ought to be applied to all official Wizards-related business, and now utilizing all available communcative outlets, we are campaigning to have an asterisk (*) forever applied to any mention of the Wizards' record last season. No team in the history of basketball has ever had their two most quintessential players stripped from their roster not two weeks before the start of the post season, and whilst the remaining shambles of the team fought more dilligently than we have ever seen anyone on the New York Rangers fight, they could not shoulder the burden god had placed on their already shaky joints. Therefore, we feel that the "41-41 (2nd Southeast)" that bears itself on most official Wizards business needs to be given a signal that it wasn't pure. It needs a marking that would delinate that the strategism of Eddie Jordan (All-star game coach), the constructive genius of Ernie Grunfeld, the first ever all star Caron Bulter, and the watershed Gilbert performances were not all in vain. The record needs an attachment that would show the world that this team was a title contender, much more worthy than the pathetic Eastern Conference representers, that team of me-first Nike-shill-watchers that caused millions to turn on dance competitions instead.

Since we were (sort of) able to gain a mention of our four-lettered, apostrophe-ed philosophy by a major sports columnist, and since we are stars of cable television (YOU RULE, LITTLES), and since our burgeoning Secret-influenced readership has already marked their place in the sports landscape with their positive thoughts, we feel that we can make this happen. So fellow Optimists, call your congressmen other than Herb Kohl, start threads on your favorite message boards, email people who produce Wizards-related media material, stand outside of Metro stations hollering into the night air as bewhildered golf fans scurry by, post on your awesome sports- and kitten-related blogs. It is time that we make this change permanent—permanently noted.*

The Best Fourth of July in 231 Years

The Nats ran over the Cubs 6-0, silencing annoying Chicago fans in the process, with electrifying performances from Matt Chico (will he ever give up another run?) and Dmitri Young. DC United won again and completed their climb from the bottom of the East to the top. We learned that elite center Michael Nylander turned down more money from Edmonton in order to come to the Capitals, putting a dent in that "good players don't want to come to Washington" argument. The region was aflutter as the AT&T National geared up for its start tomorrow, bringing PGA legitimacy back to DC. In all, it's hard to argue that, in a close finish, this was the second-greatest July 4th of all time.

Young's magnificent performance can be seen as a rebuttal to a pair of suspiciously similar articles by Thomas Boswell and Mark Zuckerman. Their pining for the departed St. Alfonso Soriano was a little disappointing, especially coming from two Manny Acta Optimist of the Week award winners. Virtually ignoring the renaissance that is Young, they long for a man with a batting average 30 points lower. Why not write about what the Cubs (and their fans) saw that they were missing: a coherent Plan for long term-success, one not burdened by eight year, $136 million contracts. A Plan unhindered by a crusty manager with a love of temper tantrums. A Plan that does not carry the burden of 100 years of losing tradition. A Plan that exists beyond one offseason of soon-to-be-in-vain free agent spending.

The words from Boswell that may hurt the most are: "...[Soriano] reminded his former team of what it no longer has -- the charisma, firepower and confidence of a superstar." These words couldn't have been more incorrect after seeing Dmitri deliver his fifth-inning grand slam. Let's go down the list. Charisma - Nats fans love Dmitri. Firepower - big 4-run blast, with a double and single to boot. Confidence - after an IBB to face him, likely thinking him a fine candidate for a double play, and after falling behind 0-2, Dmitri was unfazed and jacked one. Tom, Mark, we expect full retractions.

As for the United, there can be no doubt that they are fully back as an elite force , going 7-1-2 since that early season unpleasantness. Who's going to stop them?

While hints of worry may have crept into the minds of Caps fans yesterday and today as the we-saw-him-first crap storm came out of Edmonton, it seems ever-likely that nothing will come of it, and Michael will be serving up assists for Alex all winter (and spring and possibly summer). As the all-time greatest attorney Lionel Hutz might have said, "I'd like to refer to the case of Finders vs. Keepers." Michael stays here, and the Oilers can continue to make ill-advised trades.

Finally, we have big-time golf again. This no doubt sticks in the spiteful craw of noted DC(and probably optimism)-hater Eric Kay. It seems as though "America's sports arm pit" (hey, that's clever; almost as clever as "Kay's Korner") is a fine place, in the eyes of one of the greatest athletes of our generation, for a PGA tour event.

Yes, it was a great day.

bienvenidos la bomba!

Buenos noches optimistas! It turns out that after careful consideration with folks not from America, Juan (not Juwan) Carlos Navarro, aka "La Bomba," brilliant second round selection of the pre-Grun-trust era who has been dominating the Euro-league ever since, is finally ready to come over and play real life basketball that actually counts! We had already noted how the Grun-trust fortified the once desperate reserves with newly minted draft picks from both this year and last, and now with the addition of Navarro, with his slashing-to-the-hoop teardrop dubbed la bomba for its resemblance to exploding point totals in tow, will be the cherry on top of this proverbial Spanish fried ice cream of a team. Now that the forever asterisked 2006-07* has been forgotten by all of us, we can truly look forward to a season next year of developing youngs, prolific bigs and redeeming all-stars ending in a Eastern Conference title or bust.

Navarro may not be known to many over here where basketball actually matters and isn't an outlet for pretending to be fouled, but at Barcelona, he is a perrenial all-star guard, whose offensive game is top notch. He has been named Euroleague MVP, has been named to the Euroleague first team multiple times and presided over the Spanish World Championship team that took home the gold medal last year after brilliant American coach Mike Krychyzsky decided that Gilbert Arenas didn't belong alongside the Nike shills. Even if Coach K's decision was ultimately painfully and hilariously wrong (kind of like his decision to recruit and start Gregg Paulus), and America wasn't delivered their championship as a result, the talent in Spain should not be discounted. Navarro started as the two-guard throughout that competition and he averaged around 14 ppg against many NBA players, even Dwyane Wade, who was busy saluting an imaginary flag in lieu of playing defense.

Navarro had been festering over in that inferior league for so long because his original contract with FC Barcelona was so enormous (yes Juwan) that under NBA rules, he could not opt out of it. See the NBA has this policy when it adopts neglected foreigners into their superior facilities where they can only offer a little tiny bit of money to the player's original team in exchange for rescuing that individual from unfit areas of basketball expression. It is then up to the player to make up for the rest of their contract. FC Barcelona, sensing how important Navarro's wispy beard and prodigious three point range was, signed him to a contract that could never be made up for with the wimpy NBA exception. It would have to be up to Navarro to pony up the rest of his 20-million coins with holes in them per year in order to join the Wizards, as he has routinely desired. Now, after a diplomatic, almost NATO-esque treaty agreement, Navarro was let out of his contract and allowed to come stateside.

Having procured this information from the insanely valuable (yet equally insane) realgm.com, I expected the trade ideas to start bubbling like baking soda mixed with cocaine, and I wasn't wrong. According to some, this is the first key to landing Kevin Garnett (or Theo Ratliff, not that much of a drop-off, right?)! However, the DCO believes that Juan Carlos' place is here in the District. Represent Spain in a land filled with representers of other countries and other states. Play on a team destined for the NBA Finals after a season lost in the wrath of god. In fact, on La Bomba's website, he has a list of NBA teams he asks his faithful to choose he play for. Already the Wizards stand atop the team rankings, and the DCO asks you, people of the land of democracy, to vote early and vote often on this very scientific poll, for Juan Carlos needs to know where he belongs!

Redemptive signs began with Nick Young landing in the palms of the Grun-trust. Now with Navarro's seemingly impenetrable contract penetrated, there only stands a few obstacles in the way of destiny. Could the Wizards start playing....................................DEFENSE?!!?

Nylander to Washington = Cause for Celebration

We couldn't have been more wrong. It turns out that Michael Nylander (pictured right, in happy times past) coming to the Caps is exactly what the team needs after all. Here's a guy who had success in DC passing to a moody Czech winger, so it stands to reason that he will have greater success this time around, passing to chipper Russian wingers.

His career-high 83 points last year (and 79 the year before that) means the Caps are getting him on the upside of his career, despite his relatively advanced age of 34. Wasn't Adam Oates just as aged refined when he arrived so many years ago? It's just more experience to pass on to his future star of a countryman. Welcome back, Michael. Sorry about that whole trading you to Boston thing.

Does this make it even better? Caps get their man and make Jagr cry (sure he just says "a little disappointed" but please, he cried).

Nylander to Edmonton = No Cause for Concern

If the reports are true, and Michael Nylander is off the board, it's ok. It would have been nice to see him back in DC, but he wouldn't be a long-term solution. He would in fact likely be a short-term, overly expensive solution.

So again, don't panic. Get Mike Comrie in here. Or continue to pursue tantalizing trade options. Or break the glass on the Yashin Contingency Plan. Actually, the more we think about it, Yashin would be a perfect fit in the pantheon of Redeemed Athletes in DC, most notably and recently our all-star first baseman.

Update 12:20 PM: It might not be a done deal after all. Hats off to Japers' Rink for going to the source.

Update 3:20 PM: It's sounding more and more like he may be headed to Edmonton after all. We stand by our initial headline statement.

A Nice Start

A final note on Day 1 of NHL free agency. Two solid players added. Maybe not the franchise-changing players some had hoped for, but, as many optimism-loving fans have pointed out, signings such as these will allow the Caps to keep franchise-changing players next season. Sure, the team could have splurged and dished out $8 million for Daniel "Spear" Briere or Chris Drury, but then they would be lacking in cash or cap space, or both, next season when it came time to re-sign Alex O. and Alex S. Instead, we have the physically massive and offensively gifted Viktor Kozlov and Tom Poti arriving, for starters.

In particularly heartening statements, both McPhee and newcomer Poti described these signing as the first stage of improving the team. There are obviously more players out there that the braintrust would like to acquire. And please remember, ye optimism-haters who are flooding the message boards with panicked comments such as "that's it?" and the ever-original "*vomit*", it's the first day of free agency. There are still guys like Michael Nylander and Mike Comrie out there as FAs, not to mention other help that could be available through a trade. Today was a great start, considering where the Caps were beforehand.

The power play at the very least will be improved with Poti on board, and who knows, maybe he'll discover the way to properly throw that huge frame around to chip in with some good D too. The arrival of Kozlov can only improve the offense, whether at right wing or center. Two good additions in one day. Pretty solid.

Welcome, Viktor

Viktor Kozlov comes aboard. Not bad. Another reasonable talent at a reasonable price: two years/$5 million. Daniel Briere will make that by January, but is he worth it? The answer is no. We'll be content to watch Viktor dish and score between Ovechkin and Clark all year. Or flanking Nylander or Yashin with Ovie on the other side. Supposedly the Caps are still working so we'll see if either of those centers (or that big D-man) is involved.

One Piece Acquired. More on the Way?

Tom Poti has joined the Capitals. Here he is pictured (right) wearing silver, no doubt a warm-up for lifting silver. While he may not technically be that ever-elusive-and-sought-after #1 elite defenseman (it's only Day 1 of free agency, so don't panic), he is a nice acquisition. He has the offensive potential of Brian Pothier, with a few extra inches and pounds. He's Sergei Gonchar with a few less flashy goals but a greater defensive conscience. Overall, a nice compliment to Pothier as a powerplay point man and to Milan Jurcina as a throw-your-weight-around crease-clearer.

Briefly looking at other NHL news, we have the answer to the question: Who will overpay for a smallish groin-spearer? Who else? The curiously front-loaded contract from Philadelphia gives Briere $10 million this coming season, which should work out to about $1 million per cowardly penalty. Speaking of overpaying, the Rangers have apparently signed Scott Gomez and Chris Drury. Gomez at 7 years, $51.5 million. One can only imagine the gaudy number$ Drury pulled down (update: five-years, $35.25. Why?). In any case, it's nice to see Briere land in Philly, where we can continue hating him unabated.

But back to the Caps, who have learned what kind of bag ridiculous overspending can leave you holding, even if the Rangers have not. The gluttonous center-grab by the Rangers leaves Michael Nylander nice and available. It was a shame to see him leave the Caps those long few years ago, and it would be great to have him back. Plus, he's Swedish! Like our new Calder-Trophy-leading-candidate. What could be more perfect?

The other rumor out there involves the forgotten Alexi Yashin. Whether he figures seriously into the Caps' plans or is just a fall-back is unknown, but DCO would applaud his acquisition as one with great proverbial upside. Plus, it would give us the opportunity to ask more pressing questions about the new uniforms. Specifically, can he fit that turtleneck under it? Will he have to buy one in a new color, or will his Islanders-blue one work well enough that we wouldn't notice?

So leave the Rangers and Flyers to gorge themselves yet again on big names with big price tags that lead to early playoff exits or no playoffs at all. Give us Poti, Nylander, and possibly Mike Comrie, and possibly Scott Hannan.