Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Wheaton Weapon suits up, and Miami gets PWNED!!111!!

HAHAHA! Anyone catch the Miami Heat, aka the worst team in the NBA getting housed by the Wizards Thursday night? I did. Before the game, people harped about the Wizards lack of winning ways in Miami, home of the worst professional sports teams in America, but not THIS optimist. Even with their ever-ballyhooed, ever-fellated-by-officials, yet ever-complaining guard Dwyane Wade in place, and not holding dramatic, wheelchair calling trips to the DL, the Wizards maintained a ten point lead throughout the contest, much to the chagrin of the TNT broadcasters, who only began firing up when the Heat managed to cut the lead to seven once or twice. Speaking of firing up, man, could Deshawn Stevenson not feel his face last night, draining career-highs in threes and season-highs in points. I wonder if Darling Dwyane was able to feel his either, for most of the crazy falling-backwards j's were directly in his over-exposed grill. I wan't able to count the number of lame T-Mobile commercials Wade was in during the broadcast in comparison with his number of effective plays, but I am sure that Miami's fickle fanbase likely gawked at more lame commercial performances (not even a genius like Barkley could rescue him), than great plays at a 30000000:1 rate.

Of course, the Darling was able to hurt the Wizards in a more lame, more dirty manner, egregiously flying towards the always-solid Antonio Daniels while he was in route to extending the lead to fifteen, illegally tackling him in the air in a foul attempt to land on sportscenter. Amazingly, the Darling was assessed his first foul of the night on the play, to which he, un-amazingly, began to cry to his usually helpful official friends. While the Wizards were OK for the rest of the night, AD suffered another freakin' sprained knee, leaving the number of adequate point guards on the Wizards roster resembling Gilbert's jersey number.

But is the DCO worried about this continued cursing via injuries? Never. Because we have been catching the recent play of Roger Mason Jr.! I know everyone on the internet loves nicknames, those crazy "African-American" traditions where guys are given lovely names based on their play, hair, criminal record, quality of cocaine, hometown, favorite car, or ability to impregnate women. Our attempts at nicknames haven't quite caught on yet, but that doesn't mean we aren't going to again throw our hats into the arena and again dub the son of Mason, The Wheaton Weapon.

As some of you may know, Bobtimist Prime is from, lives, and represents Wheaton, MD, the illest suburban enclave this side of Connecticut Avenue. Roger Mason gets his new nickname from having played at Good Counsel High School, back when it was located off of the more seedy side of Georgia Ave. Sure, the venerable Catholic school with its required polo shirts and slacks uniforms and required courses of Latin has since moved further up Georgia Ave in Olney, likely saving the paying customers of the school the need to avert the toughs leaving Mrs. Kim's lovely Party Time Beer and Wine, but the essence of Wheaton remains in Mason. The gritty, yet kind of monied background, the effective location (great three point shot = proximity to the district), the diversity (Mason plays the point in addition to shooting guard and swingman, Wheaton has a burgeoning El Salvadorian community), the key contributions (Mason's huge 18 points, Wheaton Plaza's fantastic variety of shoe stores), etc.

Now, with Daniels nursing his knees for a couple of weeks (and the Darling nursing his lottery-bound team to another lauded two-game win streak), the Wizards will rely on the Wheaton Weapon's contributions in a full time manner, and we are confident that they will continue their pwning ways.

1 comment:

ginormous ballz said...

wheaaaaaaaton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the skins need that kicker from Good Counsel...I think his name was Minnick, dude hit a nice shot at RFK in the all-state game in the late 90's.

bring him in to spell Swissh-em! we'll have the good counsel wagon rollin in DC baby! wheat-ahnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!