Surely the DCO nation would be happy with their beloved Redskins overcoming a fourteen-point deficit on the road against an opponent firing with Kellen cannons of desperation. Surely the DCO nation would be happy with a five-and-three midway point with the three losses coming to a 2-loss, a 1-loss, and the greatest team of all time, respectively (or respect-less-ly), right? Surely the DCO would laugh in the face of those curmudgeons at the Washington Post (save one), who basically note that all of the adversity overcoming didn’t matter as the Redskins just couldn’t beat on those lowly Jets enough to properly savor this victory. I mean, why would the DCO guard the ‘tism on this victory, one where Clinton Portis’s spryness again returned, as he danced between the Pete Kendall-Chris Samuels hat-on-hats to the tune of 196 yards and a touchdown? Why would they temper any sort of reaction to the fifth, game-winning overtime upright-splitting performance by current DCO hall-of-famer Shawn Suisham? Well, the reason isn’t that we aren’t impressed with the ‘skins overcoming another bottom-feeder with guile, guts, and ‘ggressiveness, it’s that the positivity that we could possibly be emanating in response could be detrimental to the team.
This is evidenced in a gross misjudgment by the current beacon of ‘tism at the Post, Mike Wise, who after telling us all to relax, and that everything was going to be fine™ on Friday, distributed a bevy of happy backslaps to the aforementioned Portis in light of his stellar performance and back-carrying tendencies. While we of course loved the positivity in the face of Les Carpenter’s scoffing at the lack of hearty victories against the league dregs, we can’t help but feel that a column like this is not going to help Clinton go back to being the reason the Redskins were good two years ago and terrible last year. See, what we know about C.P., other than the fact that he has a penchant for intensely entertaining pressers, is that the haterz are his motivation this year. We attempted to heighten that motivation before a week 2 victory over the Eagles with this post, summing up all of the reasons we should hate Clinton and his ways. The purpose of this post was to further motivate Clinton to two-step in front of his detractor sect and rip off 30-yard scampers behind solid blocking and (slightly) improved quarterbacking. Portis didn’t quite respond the way we had initially hoped, but the team responded with a fantastic in-division victory.
With the Iggles again flailing into town, now is not the time to tell Clinton how much we love him and realize how important he is to the team. Now is not the time to bask in the team finally realizing that they have a solid left side of the line that can, with their all-pro pedigrees, open up holes for a guy who had 1,500 yards the last time he was healthy. We shouldn’t be feeling better about the Redskins holding precocious team-only meetings where offensive philosophies were chiseled out, and a superstar pledged his back to team-carrying. No, we should instead dwell on the fact that Clinton hasn’t been able to have performances like this against teams that aren’t the New York Jets. Why, Clinton, couldn’t you have run for close to 200 yards in another game this year? Was it because you were too busy referring to yourself in the third person, butchering proper English dialects, and loafing throughout the much important preseason? Could this performance be on the heels of organizational whispers that deem your backup Ladell Betts as the more competent ball-carrier, thus making your outlandish contract stipulations as unnecessary? Why now Clinton? It’s not like you will be able to continue this torrid pace against the “tougher” part of the schedule, again taking the skins to the playoffs and beyond. Why, your performance wasn’t even the most fantastic running back performance of the week.
No, we need more motivational hatred to be guided Clinton’s way, for a victory over those insufferable Iggles and their insufferable suffering fanbase would be just delightful to us. Would a blowout sweeping victory over the Iggles be the final nail in the Andy Reid “5 passes per run” era’s coffin? Will this win finally lead the Eagles’s franchise quarterback, Donovan “bouncepass” McNabb to end up being the next QB savior of the Chicago Bears? Will a T-shirt that reads, “T.O. Swallows Pills Supplied By the Reid Family Drug Emporium,” as suggested by my mother, be a bit too classless? Only 93,000+ haterz can influence those answers.