Monday, June 4, 2007

YOU'RE WELCOME BOZ. LOVE: Your Muses. Now a favor...

Dear Boz;

Thanks for all of the awesomes in your alloted baseball column space. We may feel slighted that you—possibly through the Post's kick-ass technorati links on your column— read a spectacular DCO post about ChairManny and had it influence this recent opus. Your public displays of 'tism (PDT) have been so very wonderful that we feel honored to serve as your muse. We may get a little testy with you as we do with everyone we love (like Antawn Jamison). But we are not bitter that you, unlike Bog-god Steinberg, haven't given us props yet. 'tism is bound to become a worldwide phenomenon, thanks in part to the contributions of our readers, but it's still on the low-low. All we ask for in return for hooking you up with ideas to run with, aiding your union-backed, chunky salary, is one word. We think it's time for the 'tism to erupt like exploding manhole covers in the District. We think it's time for you to simply add the four letter word that is on everyone's lips to your next column, how about the one you are very likely compiling regarding Dmitri Young, the greatest hitter of all time. In this column, we beg of you, say "tism," and not in a clever word-find sort of way where you write "Maybe the problem with Levale Speigner's sporadic pitching is a latent case of autism," or subliminally spell it out in a sentence like: "His bat is magnificent." No, we want more. Write that the Nats are just "bursting with 'tism."

You could even mention us on Washington Post Live. Littles is our homey, he'll remind you. Maybe you can be in the middle of raising your voice at optimism-hater Sally Jenkins about how Lebron isn't Kobe because he plays in a vastly inferior conference, and he is just as much of a teammate bus-thrower-under and whiney brat delivered from scrutiny by terrible officiating, and then you simply say it. That's all we ask for. Since getting on the blog show is out of the question unless we are accused of leering at teenagers (our eyes are for Kelli Johnson only, you can tell her that), or the Deuce of Davenport, (DING!), we need this exposure. We'll even give you new tags so you can easily get to our coverage of you (see below). So please, just say it, you owe us.
Thanks again;

Bob, c/o The DC Optimist

1 comment:

Chimpanzee Rage said...

For the Ding... 1 'tism coming up sir.