Thursday, September 6, 2007

Only 4 Days Left and 'Tism Levels are Off-the-Charts!

This time of year may be tough for guys like Clinton Portis, who need haterz (aka fantasy gurus) as his motivation, but with less than 96 hours before actual meaningful football, tidal waves of 'tism are reaching the shores of the area as if Hurricaine Acta was approaching the Annacostia (please do not draw any New Orleans parallels here). First, Slate's Football Prospectus guy, who takes on the likely-impossible task of predicting how NFL seasons go via statistical analysis, has publicly announced that the Redskins will do better this year. Feast on this 'tism nugget before you write off the frugality, the level-headed decision-making and the faith in previous line-up additions of the braintrust as unworthy:
"Watch out for the Washington Redskins. Last year, Washington had the worst
third-down pass defense of any team since we started tracking play-by-play data
in 1996. As you might remember from yesterday's piece, the
Redskins had more than their fair share of injuries last year. If Washington
gets a little healthier this year, they should improve considerably on third
down and make a strong push for the postseason."
That's right folks, WATCH OUT! The DCO sees this kind of thoughtful, unbiased research as proof that the Redskins are totally going to be good. According to these statistical geniuses, we can officially write off last year's team as injury-riddled. May we suggest possible grammatical additions in light of this brilliant recent analysis?

And if the statistical data-mining done here doesn't satisfy your faith in the Redskins' makeup, how about hearing similarly bursting 'tism coming from noted ESPN talking heads? Recent Sportscenters have had Eric Allen and Sean Salisbury choosing "More than last years" for the skins win total, with Salisbury tacking on his requisite "they're gonna play physical" and Eric Allen chuckling at something. ESPN guys talking good about the skins? What could they and Sally and Mike and Boz be drinkin'? Why it would be the 'tism-aide, and it doesn't stop pourin' on the ESPN set either. On the World Wide Hated inter-website, "Hashmarks" columnist Matt Mosley lives up to his sort-of Most Valuable surname with this tide-turned answer to a superfan's (from Ballmer no less!) quiery regarding the skins' chances this year:

Jarrod, Baltimore: Does Joe Gibbs take the Skins to the playoffs this year? I
really think Joe is rallying the troups together to make the playoffs this year
and push even further next year in the last year of his deal. What are your
thoughts Matt?

Matt Mosley: (3:20 PM ET ) I'm a lot more optimistic about the
Redskins than I was a month ago. Part of that is based on thinking their defense
has too much talent to have another miserable year. Teams already feared Sean
Taylor. With LaRon Landry forming Area 51, receivers are going to be think twice
about going over the middle. A lot of this hinges on how Campbell does at
quarterback. I like him more and more, but I haven't seen enough to convince me
he'll get it done. I did hear that Al has trimmed 200 pages off that playbook.

We know that feeling, Jarrod and Matt, and we know what you're sipping too. In fact, large quantities of 'tism-aide are currently being prepared as we speak for F-40 parking lot consumption Sunday morning. Stop by for a glass.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

ahhhhhhhhhh the warm, soft, cozy, comfortable feeling of 'tism....Green F40 baby...BE THERE!!!!!!