"Sad and subversive as it is, I usually like to stoke such fears. I have no
problem contributing to the insecurity of any team's core fan base."
You never fooled us, Mr. Wise, we already knew about your rampant 'tism hating and the underlying reasons for it. We already knew that your general Ray Lewis-like stabs in the direction of humor at the expense of Brendan Haywood, your woe-are-the-wiz columns where fantasy trades are bandied about, and your Redskins are racist finger wags, were all a means of screwing with the fanciful mindsets of this rather wholesome, non-Philadelphian-like public sports fanbase. We knew that your unabashed 'tism-hating was simply a ruse to make television appearances and purchase the latest in neon magic eye patterned collar-wear. We have had your 'tism-hating tagged ever since you were calling for an Antonio Daniels and Etan Thomas for a "legitimate 20 and 10 big man" swap that couldn't exist.
And we know you know this too.
Which is why we are willing to accept your apology that you obviously olive-branched out to us this morning, as well as your reformation into a T-Boz-like spreader of goodness. It was great to see you traversing the inner-webs looking for signs of 'tism-hating and cut-and-running amongst the legions of Redskins faithful in light of recent training camp bumps and bruises. We too feel like the Redskins faithful are a bit too wary of potential knee-sprains upon their consciousness, it is the reason for our existence. Why many of these people are failing to actually APPRECIATE how these tiny nicks upon precious ligaments are beneficial to the team. We WANT Samuels sidelined during the preseason, where he cannot possibly end up like Jansen did back in 2005 with his achilles obliterated by the Canton concrete field during preseason meaninglessness. We also WANT Portis on a stationary bike instead of on the field attempting arm-bars on wayward defensive backs. The Samuels situation even allows the Paris Hilton depth of the o-line to be further evaluated (was that a vagina joke or what? The Fabini, et. al-makeup of the o-line consists of depth-ness), the rookie gems to be unearthed, and the Todd Wades to be properly taught. We too know that Marcus Washington's resting, braceless time is as important as the contents of his urine.
We think it's great that you have now embraced the 'tism. We have spend 130+ internet spaces (we're not posters, n00b), attempting to liven up the people who feel like they may be suffering. It's obvious you are seeing the results, with the Nationals posting a WINNING MONTH, the Wizards locking up brilliant draft picks, the Caps new-attituding, and the 'skins talkin' super bowl. We are just happy to see that your foolish 'tism-hating ways are behind you. Maybe dangling a potential MAO of the Week award might elicit more columns of this healing-like variety (the "...tendinitis isn't something that is serious unless you're an aging basketball superstar trying for a comeback" line is delicious in it's Jordan bashing. Wonder if Michael "Cuba" Wilbon got that?). Indeed it is a "new day people." Now you just have to say something to Sally Jenkins.