Thursday, August 30, 2007

Sally Jenkins: Swayed by the 'Tism

At the offices of the DC Optimist, the watercooler chatter usually revolves around the Daily Puppy and who got eliminated from "So You Think You Can Dance." Aparently, office chatter at the Washington Post revolves around 'tism, both the mystical force propelling the local sports franchises and the fantastic originators of said term, for once again, our impassioned work has swayed one of the most egregious offenders of optimism, and begat a column where only overzealous copyediting kept our t-word from being mentioned. Sally Jenkins has been sternly rebuffed in these webpages, where her opportunistic blasts at the Redskins' braintrust fizzled once the subjects of her diatribe revealed that her finger-wagging speculation was completely offbase. Retiring to her lair upon the disolving of her 'tism-hating arguments, Jenkins must have taken to scanning each of the DC Optimist's 150+ posts, brightening her sullen mood with their pertinent observations, their correct predictions, and their mystical-force wielding powers over the sporting landscape. We waited with baited breath for Sally J. to pop off again, either dissing The Plan, or calling Gilbert a coward for not sacrificing his health to swish 100,000 shots. But we were wrong. Today, on my birthday no less, Jenkins decided to throw her hat into the cause of propping-up local spirits with her latest column titled "Plenty of Reasons For Fans to Cheer Up."

Bearing the link title "Reasons for Optimism" on the post's website, this column brought forth strange emotional responses from us. Was this a cute, tongue-in-cheek, Eric Kay-like dismissal of enjoying local sports? What exactly are Mike Wise, Tom Boswell, and Sally Jenkins discussing during those watercooler DCO discussions? Our strange obsession with Kelli Johnson? What's a better Sally-related rap song: "Sally Got A One-Track Mind," or "Sally"?

While there are some omittable portions (ugh at the "leader Lebron" paragraph), for the most part the column is spectacularly soaked in 'tism. Sure Sally doesn't explicitly mention the local teams, but she does deliver one paragraph that pretty much describes the manner in which us and fellow Optimists handle themselves day in and day out.
"3. Forget the larger moral issues, root like hell for your hometown team, gloat
over victories and indulge in acts of rage after losses. Cheat nihilism by
becoming a foam-at-the-mouth fan who treats the successes or failures of your
team as personal success or failure. Kick a hole in your living room wall if you
must. Anything is better than the numbness and boredom of a cynic. Let's face
it: Even supposedly impartial journalists have secret rooting interests and
crave those cathartic occasions that ruin our detachment."
Nicely put Sally. We were always wondering if you had any secret rooting interests when you slam the Redskins, and this is a nice way of owning up to it. But why couldn't we have been included in the "blogger-extrodinaires" that you quote from? I know Deadspin is totally more popular and gets like a billion hits every minute, but wouldn't the DC Optimist have fit your column more snugly than Larry Johnson's plunging neckline t-shirt he wore on "Hard Knocks" while signing his contract extension? I am not accusing you of cribbing from us like Boswell did Sunday, but please contact us next time! We appreciate and understand your mission here and would provide nothing more than fantastic opinions relating to the struggle!

The DCO is also extatic at the timing of this piece. The Nationals fanbase could use upliftment, DCO homey D-Steinzz is doing a bit of 'tism-hating, and Boswell is searching for parking-meanings in The Plan. We salute you Sally for taking on the 'tism cause. And we once again salute ourselves for making all of this Washington Post material possible.

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