Thursday, July 5, 2007

Campaigning for Change*

In a few recent Wizards-related DCO posts, we have mentioned taking the events of last season's ending and removing it from our recollection permanently. After some internal discussions, we thought this concept ought to be applied to all official Wizards-related business, and now utilizing all available communcative outlets, we are campaigning to have an asterisk (*) forever applied to any mention of the Wizards' record last season. No team in the history of basketball has ever had their two most quintessential players stripped from their roster not two weeks before the start of the post season, and whilst the remaining shambles of the team fought more dilligently than we have ever seen anyone on the New York Rangers fight, they could not shoulder the burden god had placed on their already shaky joints. Therefore, we feel that the "41-41 (2nd Southeast)" that bears itself on most official Wizards business needs to be given a signal that it wasn't pure. It needs a marking that would delinate that the strategism of Eddie Jordan (All-star game coach), the constructive genius of Ernie Grunfeld, the first ever all star Caron Bulter, and the watershed Gilbert performances were not all in vain. The record needs an attachment that would show the world that this team was a title contender, much more worthy than the pathetic Eastern Conference representers, that team of me-first Nike-shill-watchers that caused millions to turn on dance competitions instead.

Since we were (sort of) able to gain a mention of our four-lettered, apostrophe-ed philosophy by a major sports columnist, and since we are stars of cable television (YOU RULE, LITTLES), and since our burgeoning Secret-influenced readership has already marked their place in the sports landscape with their positive thoughts, we feel that we can make this happen. So fellow Optimists, call your congressmen other than Herb Kohl, start threads on your favorite message boards, email people who produce Wizards-related media material, stand outside of Metro stations hollering into the night air as bewhildered golf fans scurry by, post on your awesome sports- and kitten-related blogs. It is time that we make this change permanent—permanently noted.*

No comments: