Needless Piling-On Is Becoming Tiresome

The Nationals have won two in a row (perhaps paving the way for the Caps’ to win two in a row, seeing how the collective fates of the franchises are intertwined, at least in our eyes), stingily holding on to one-run, ninth inning leads on consecutive nights.

Still, the resounding attitude towards the club is defined by snark, as illustrated by the blow-up over a couple of missing “O’s” on a couple of uniforms and, most disappointingly, if subtlely, a needless, uninformed shot in a Washington Post piece not even about the Nationals.

The article in question was written by Keith Richburg and was about the alleged over-the-top home-run-friendliness of the new Yankee Stadium. Of course, to put it in proper context, a shot at the Nationals is in order:

“Nationals Park in Washington, in its second season on the Anacostia River, featured 18 homers in the first six games -- more because of the Nationals' pitching than the wind or sloping stands.”

Haha, see, the Nationals are so bad that naturally it’s just their pitching and only their pitching that has caused this home run explosion at their second-year park. Of course, a closer look at the numbers, and not just a lazy reach-back for another “Nats stink” dig, reveals that the Nationals themselves actually hit eight of those home runs. So, perhaps an improvement in the team’s hitting, and not just a sluggish start by its pitching staff, has something to do with this gaudy total, huh? Again, though, this does not fit in with the motif that the Nats just flat out stink in every way and must be ridiculed with no mention whatsoever of any positive developments.

It really seems that in the heart of every baseball writer is the desire to pen cheeky “ho ho ho, our home team is so bad, those bums, heh heh heh, what are ya gonna do” types of columns. Everyone wants to wax on about their own “lovable losers”. And when they can't write full columns prematurely predicting historical catastrophes for the home team, they write little zany one-liners in unrelated columns. Anyone who loves optimism like we do should not let it go unnoticed.

Fortunately, our man Boz still gets it, even if he does throw in a completely unnecessary crack about “Natinals”. But at least his is a delightful piece of positivity in a newspaper world of smarm and sarcasm.

Nationals Inching Closer to Victory

The first victory of the Nationals’ season is imminent as the team has gradually reduced its non-winning deficits through the first four games of the season. Since Opening Day, the Nats have not won by 6, 5, 2, and finally 1 run. Last night’s almost-had-it game against the Braves even took 10 innings for the ultimate result to be had.

This, of course, means that the young team with so much new blood is starting to gel, and that the Master’s proclamation that they will “be fine” deserves to be heeded, and that the team deserves better than the incessant snark delivered upon it by haters of optimism and hacky writers looking for the next bad baseball zing.

Also encouraging is the clear truth that the Nationals’ offense will be able to produce enough runs to win many games this year. The run totals through the first four games may appear pedestrian at first, but there are hits and opportunities to score many more buried in those stats that speak to a squad that will score much once they’ve worked through these early tough times. The key, of course, is not surrendering quite so many in return. Kind of reminds us a little bit of another young Washington team with so much potential offense that ultimately exploded to grandiose proportions, all the while nurturing a young defensive (pitching?) corps that has proven at least adequate to keeping the opposition scoring totals down. We have seen those clear similarities for a while.

Victory is coming, and we not alone in this belief. ‘Tism yet lives out there.

REPORT: Redskins' Season Not Over Yet

Despite some contrarial thoughts from the usual suspects (La Canfora, Jason; Jenkins, Sally), the Redskins season — despite losing one game on the road by nine points mainly from injuries and a freakish case of stone hands plaguing the secondary — is not over yet. Unfortunately for the O-haterz currently dancing in their Chad Hutchinson jerseys, eagerly anticipating the inevitable dalliance between Dan Snyder and Pete Carroll sometime after the Trojans romp on the Buckeyes, they have failed to notice that the Redskins have a grand total of fifteen more games to play before the Jim Zorn era can officially be called deader than the female gluteous maximus tissue that comprises Jerry Jones's eyelids.

That's right folks, even if the Redskins managed to be unsuccessful in the whole "game-winning" or "offensive" portion of Thursday night's pagentry-stuffed ode to the insufferably yappy Giants scourge, they still have close to 93.75% of the season remaining before Zorn is replaced with Tony D'Amato. But after the supposedly pathetic, disorganized, wimpy, hopeless, indicative-of-poor-management-decisions performance against the refs and mental cobwebs in the dead-grassed lands of Meadow, haven't the Redskins shown already that they don't belong in the cupcake crushing, reality show spawning NFC clever-word-that-rhymes-with-East? We here (and I say "we" despite this being the first post in like, an entire Nationals season, for a certain Transformers-monikered internetter) are more than confident that the events of last Thursday, which already seem further away than that time when people had questionable thoughts about Elijah Dukes, will not represent what will obviously be a successful 08-09 season. Take if from current DCO contributor/biter Tom Boswell, who in his latest call for collective 'tism, notes how maybe this thing could maybe somehow work, maybe.

Oh Boz, sure the column is rife with uneasiness over our often confused, playbook overloaded, heavily studying, somehow overcoming the memorization of eight-billion plays quarterback, but I couldn't help but return from my laziness-inflected hiatus after this poetic, business card-sloga worthy nod:

"So, Redskins fans should have patience. (Pause.) Okay, that didn't work. How
about optimism? Let's try that. "

Couldn't agree more Boz, although please, can we get a URL shoutout somewhere? I promise I will contribute a Wizards post or two if the DCO is mentioned somewhere between that Vice President chick's wardrobe choices in the Post. Why can't Boz direct his burgeoning readership to the blog with more dead links than Shawn Hill's elbow? Regardless of our fledgeling brushes with success and consistency, not since TruthAboutIt called us "sanguine," have I been so happy to have contributed to the internet back before Yahoo! began devouring bloggers like so many chicken fingers served without bitterness at Sideline (although I remain as unpaid as Todd Lowber when it comes to bliznogging). Shoutout to Boz for keeping the fanbase pointed in the positive direction.

It's refreshing to hear a take on the work-in-progress-ness that is the current skins. It's not like Boz was scraping the bottom of the metaphoric metaphor barrell as one Mike Wise did in his shopping at Taylor-mart coverage of the tragic selling-off of the late Sean Taylor's personal items, which so totally was a paralell between what everyone already is calling a dead season, and the subsequent selling off of Brandon Lloyd jerseys, or whatever. Nice literariness Wise-ass.

But back to the Redskins, and the fact that they aren't as done-zo as the usage of the word done-zo. First of all, the first-class running game, which couldn't be properly utilized as the skins somehow were both fighting off a double-digit deficit and the predilection for running those running plays directly into a defensive lineman, remains strong, and will remain the first-mentioned, first-run aspect of the team's success in subsequent weeks, first. Second, despite the overlaudiness of coverage regarding the Giants and their defensive line, the 'skins managed to give up, lets count 'em, one lone sack, on the first play of the game, after which, clever, picture painting with words columnists, we guess, changed the channel to Project Runway. So lets not count out that suddenly old decrepit offensive line yet. Many might even say that proper adjustments were made. And the defense, sure it was in bend-don't-break mode for about two whole quarters, and one might get the notion that running Brandon Jacobs over and over again would likely lead to the Giants not having to kick a bunch of field goals and whatnot, but the D also made proper adjustments, and even, gasp, got to the quarterback, and again gasp, made turnovers occur!

Solid run game, solid o-line play, solid D: the foundation of success that the Redskins have been riding on during a streak of decency that continues to be mistaken for mediocrity. The hallmarks of these past two playoff appearing teams are currently there. One rusty performance, where nine points were the difference between lauding successes and detailing mistakes, out of sixteen can be neglected. Anyone remember that Patriots team that opened the season to a 31-0 loss to the Bills only to, after a devastating loss to Steve Spurrier and the skins, go on to like never lose again? What was the difference with that team? How about optimism?

Dick Heller Declares War on Optimism

It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these: some columnist yucking it up that the Nationals are just ever so bad. Oh the wacky zaniness that can be had with such a topic; the jolly mirth-making; the astoundingly horrid mis-statement of fact.

While the Post was busy ignoring the existence of the Nationals and again pretending the Orioles are our team, Dick Heller of the Times was busy with the above-mentioned skewering of our already put-upon-enough Nats.

Heller whips out the latest edition of Unfunny Cliches for the Uncreative Sportswriter and drops these hilarities throughout the misguided column (his presumed reaction to each of his zingers in parentheses):

- Calls the team, get this, the “Gnats” (guffaws)

- Refers to All-Star Break as the team’s “hottest four-day stretch of the season” (chortles)

- Makes tired joke about “36 years and counting” without major league baseball in DC (slaps knee)

- Makes forced Election 2008 reference involving Ralph Nader’s electability and Nats’ Gnats’ ability to not finish in last place (fills out application to join The Capitol Steps)

- This one’s not directly Nats-related, but he mentions “these United States”, a phrase comfortably nestled in the 19th century (nods smugly at cheeky wordsmithing ability)

- Says Chipper Jones could outhit eight Natioinals combined (chuckles wistfully)

- Follows above winning line with quip that “eight guys from the nearest bar” could do the same (ROFLMAO [Ed note: I hate such acronyms, but hate optimism-hating more, thus its usage here])

- Calls national anthem “dramatic highlight” of recent game (slaps both knees, feeling downright patriotic at the same time)

- References some sort of Frank Sinatra song (pines for old days and “real” music)

- Says “Alf, Barry, Jimmy, and Fritz" should race instead of the presidents (???????)

- Makes another forced current events-type reference, this one to “House”, in discussing Nats injuries (admits to self he’s never watched “House” but heard it’s popular and has something to do with medicine)

- Recycles “eight guys in a bar” routine with dagger that uninjured Nats could not “win…on the nearest sandlot” (calls friends to brag about this golden line he just wrote, wonders where nearest sandlot is). One is shocked to find no mention of Sandlot the movie

- Questions the managing acumen of Manny Acta (forever damns his soul)

- Tells some anecdote from the 1920s (destroys fragile reputation of having knowledge of pop culture gained from earlier “House” reference)

- Jokes that the fans in the stands are asleep (hoots and hollers, shouts "Well if that don't beat all")

- Starts wrapping it up by suggesting the Nationals “Throw up a white flag before your remaining fans throw up period.” (writes to Sports Illustrated about starting a column, written by himself, with something like a “Dan Patrick meets Rich Eisen meets Rick Reilly meets Dennis Miller” vibe)

- Deploys word “ennui” (pats self on back for versatility of vocabulary/writing style)

- Just so Nats aren’t alone in his mocking, makes sarcastic ending note of the “almighty” Redskins starting camp soon (submits column and practices Pulitzer acceptance speech)

In all, possibly the worst article to appear in print since Linton Weeks’ similarly awful piece in May of last year.

Back to that “mis-statement of fact” we mentioned earlier. Heller, in his quest for only the most stinging of zingers, claimed the Nationals finished last in the NL East in each of their first three seasons in DC. Well, he can pull out some obscure tale from 1920, but he can’t pull out a copy of last year’s final standings to see that Washington, despite all odds and predictions, finished on top of Florida and securely in fourth (read: not last) in the East.

Those last few “give up now” because you’re “not gonna win anyway” paragraphs are truly the most galling. It’s pure concentrated disdain for optimism. Recently we stated the Nats might simply be destined for suffering this season to bring about a far greater good, that the team is much too resilient for Fate to allow to be healthy, thus the mountain of injuries begetting the non-winning of recent weeks. Heller just advises quitting, and presumably rooting for the darling Rays.

I generally don’t have a problem with the Times. I even enjoy reading DC’s second paper sometimes, but it seems to me the best advice for Heller and his colleagues is to give up now. Since their paper falls far short of the Post in circulation, readership, recognition, and relevancy, and has no hope of ever catching up, they should throw up that white flag now before we all…you know.

More Evidence Nats Fans Love 'Tism

While we wait for the second half of the season, and while we still bask in the glow of Cristian Guzman’s game-saving plays at third base in the All-Star Game (third base; the versatility!), a quick look at the Nationals Journal Midseason Report is in order.

This came out a couple days ago, but it’s worth looking at, even belatedly, for many of the same reasons as the Journal poll a week ago: it shows a burgeoning sense of ‘tism amongst Nats faithful despite the franchises various travails.

The overall thesis of the report? “…the typical Nats fan is both upset and ever-optimistic.” Nothing wrong with being upset when your team is not winning. It’s the focusing of that distress into pure optimism that’s the key (rather than home team abandonment and frontrunner-finding).

Some other key hope-inducing points: fans are already hopeful for some free-agent-type help this offseason, they see a healthy Ryan Zimmerman in the All-Star game next year (perhaps playing shortstop for an inning or two, completing the Guzman-to-third circle), and they see Elijah Dukes completely avoiding the self-and-team destruction so many forecast for him.

Again, it’s helpful evidence you can use to know you’re not alone, even if everyone around you is telling you your team stinks and is destined to always stink. You know it’s not true, but it’s nice to know not everyone out there is an optimism-hater.

Optimism in Numbers

Perhaps you have a pessimistic, optimism-hating, naysaying friend/co-worker who loves to revel in all things negative regarding the Nationals. Perhaps they decry the struggles of Austin Kearns while brushing off the accomplishments of All-Star and NL hit leader Christian Guzman. Maybe they even forward to you one of the most glum Boswell columns in recent history. In short, they ignore the scraps of good out there and bask in the bad.

If you know such a person, especially if they are one to audaciously claim to be a Nats fan in the midst of their constant naysaying, rest assured this day that they are in the apparently vast minority of Nationals fans, and that the majority, like you, maintains a sunny outlook on the franchise. The proof for such a statement? The current poll on the Nationals Journal.

As of 12:30 this morning (love the three day weekend), fully 84% believe Manny Acta will one day lead a Nats team with a winning record, and 62% believe The Plan will, within five years, result in a playoff contender.

These numbers are a fresh, if surprising, indicator that most believe the team is ultimately pointed in the right direction, even if we have to suffer through an injury-addled season such as this one to get there. It’s the big picture over the short-sighted obsession with finding every last drawback, like pointing out the Nats’ ultimately losing last night’s 11-inning game without seeing the hope-inducing comebacks in two consecutive innings that kept the game alive (that awful Austin Kearns throwing in a 2-run double in the bottom of the 10th to tie).

So do not be discouraged, optimists. There are evidently more of us out there than anyone would have previously thought.

We've Seen This Before (when it was also incorrect)

Does this piling on the Nats, fashionable once again after the more-successful-than-anyone-thought 2007 season fades into memory and a few more losses than wins start accumulating now, ring a little familiar? Sure it does, because 13 months ago to this very day, similar invective were being published in the Post. Maybe that’s too strong a word, but it was, and is, mostly along the lines of, oh those Nats, they stink, whatareyagonna do? Oh we’re so bad, yuck yuck yuck. Then follows the typical condemnation by the fan and pundit alike of the Plan, the players, etc, with the typical Philly-like woe-is-us, no-light-at-the-end-of-this-tunnel, tired shtick. Back then, a little eight-game losing streak brought out the optimism-hating. Today it’s a little five-game skid. DCO responded to last year’s panicked calls of awfulness with a seer-ish guarantee of fewer than 100 losses, swimming against the tide of those rushing to declare the 2007 Nats “Worst Ever”. It was true then and it’s true now: the Nats will not lose 100 games. They will yet surprise us all and be closer to 75/80 wins than anyone now thinks.

Remember when the afformentioned yucks were being had at the expense of that woeful starting pitching staff? That starting pitching staff that was beset by something beyond all known magnitude of injury? Not just one or even two, but five or six key components of what was supposed to be a terrible unit to begin with? The patchwork staff, of course, pulled it together and was something of a strength all year long, giving us fond memories such as Levale Speigner outdeuling Johan Santana in Minnesota. We even got to know Mike Bacsik, that cute little footnote to something big that might have happened while he was pitching (heard he’s great with kids, too).

This year, as we well know, it’s those batsmen getting hit by the injury locusts. Names of starters or potential starters like Kearns, Johnson, Zimmerman, Dukes, Belliard, Lo Duca, and Young being found on a disabled list for good lengths of time will hurt any lineup, even one expected (again) to be so very wretched. But there’s light and, as usual, it’s brought to us by our spiritual leader in ‘tism, Manuel Acta. Weeks ago, before the pile-on began in earnest, Manny spun yet another positive, making us all remember why his name is so lauded in this space, and why he was such an inspiration to start this blog to begin with. In declaring yet another brutally barbaric string of injuries to be “an opportunity”, and expounding so eloquently on the reasons for such, Man Act once more refused to dwell on the negative, to resort to the self-flagellation too often found amongst sports fans, and perhaps prophesized a batting turnaround, much as the shuffling of injured pitchers a year ago ushered in a pitching turnaround of just-good-enough-to-stay-competetive-and-respectful proportions. It’s all we can ask for, really. And while we’re being thankful, let’s repeat our thankfulness, echoed in these pages all last summer, that such a young and promising team is not being led through its temporary dark age by someone named Girardi or, much much worse, Pinella. Not a speck of ‘tism to be found there in a time of need such as this.

So let’s calm down. Everything’s going to be fine. The batting will come around, as we have been told it would, with this new park and all. There are already rumblings to indicate resurgences from those outfielders getting their Manny-declared “opportunity” named Dukes and Milledge. Wins will follow. Snarky ‘tism-blocking commentary will end.

Nelson Figueroa Is Who He Is

“[The Nationals] were cheering in the dugout like a bunch of softball girls. I am a professional, I take great offense to that. … They won tonight, but in the long run, they’re still who they are, a last-place team.”

Poor put-upon Nelson Figueroa, who had to endure some clapping from the Nationals’ dugout last night as he gave up six runs in five innings (two unearned, thanks to some fine erroneous-baseball-slinging by himself and Carlos Delgado).

Since the Nats are who they are, let’s look at who Nelson Figueroa is: he’s a career 9-20 pitcher with a stellar 4.71 ERA. Sadly, however, he didn’t have the opportunity to contribute to the Mets’ historic choke/collapse of last September. It was a collapse, incidentally, to which these temporarily last-place Nationals were happy to contribute with a 5-1 record against the Mets in that critical division-lead-whittling-away stretch between 9/14 and 9/30. To put it more succinctly, the Nationals were denying making dreadful history while the Mets were embracing it. The Mets' choke job will live on in memory long after these minorly inconvenient Nats' rebuilding seasons are forgotten.

To be fair, Figueroa does know something about last-place teams, having toiled for the futile Pirates of 2003 and 2004, when he pitched in nicely with a 2-4 record and 4.36 ERA. The Mets themselves, of course, know have knowledge of last place teams, having been one themselves not too many years ago, with records of 66-95 in 2003 and 75-86 in 2002 (before rebounding with that 4th place 71-91 finish of 2004).

So that’s who this whiney tool is. The Nationals, as we optimistic types know, are a turnaround in progress. Perhaps a slow turnaround, but a turnaround. They are, for now, a last place team still gradually pulling themselves out of a franchised-sized hole MLB graciously dug for them during years of neglectful hive ownership and hampering. They are a team making tangible gains, as the Master, Manny Acta said towards the end of T-Boz’s sometimes-painfully punny column from yesterday: "Last year [on May 10] we were 9-25," Acta said. "Now we have 15 wins. Wait." Wait. As in, wait until our brilliantly drafted studs and Manny-molded budding stars develop into the division-threatening squad they can be. It’s not that far off, and it won’t take a prone-to-failure $100 million + roster (hi, Mets) to do it.

We also can’t help but wonder why Figueroa was so angered to hear the dulcet Elijah-Dukes-led tones of ‘tism emmenating from the Nats’ dugout (this smells like a symptom of another Manny-led life turnaround, by the way)? Is his New-York heart so embittered that he only responds to the jeers, taunts, and fair-weatherism of the louty Shea faithful? Is the slightest bit of positivity anathema to his dark and heavy soul? Whatever self-loathing and optimism-hating issues may be there, apparently this little bit of cheering and clapping brought them blazing out. That and years of ineffective pitching. He is who he is.

Optimistic Observations From Up North

I’m back to posting after a little more than a week in my new location, experiencing, at the moment, only mild withdrawal from my beloved DC sports, thanks to some fortuitously timed television broadcasts.

Our cable was hooked up just in time to see all of Game 7 between the Caps and Flyers. While the result of that game and series was undeniably undesirable (Tom Poti for tripping in overtime? Really?), it’s hard to see the Caps now-ended season as anything more than an unqualified success and another step on the road to a decade’s worth of Cup contention. The stated goal was to make the playoffs. Playoffs made. Next year: advance. Given the way Jack-Adams-winner-in-waiting Bruce II and the lads played since November, it’s hard to see anything but serious advancement happening next year.

There was also some disappointment. Mike Wise, so close to DCO Hall of Fame induction with so many recent non-Jason-La-Canfora-like columns, backslid in a serious way during the last week. Disturbing evidence surfaced in his mostly positive eulogy of the Caps’ season. The insidious shades of long-dormant optimism hating came to the surface in Wise’s decidedly unwise quoting of a deluded Flyers’ fan who somehow thought his team forged the Capitals into mature hockey players with their unwielding manliness:

Bottom line about the series comes from an astute Flyers fan, who said: "When your team plays like a hockey team and not a bunch of figure skaters with padding, you win. Our fans and team didn't beat the Caps up. We made them men. You're welcome."
Down the road, the Caps will thank you, Philadelphia, from the bottom of their Game 7 hearts.

Bad enough is the quoting of this nitwit. Worse is the lending of credence to the baldly faulty logic by referring to the fan as “astute”. Still worse is thanking the fan for this logic, while failing to ask if this pillar of astute fandom helped to boo his team off the ice after Game 6. And let’s examine the logic. First, the wildly clichéd “figure skater” derision, applied in an appropriately clichéd fashion to the Capitals, simply because they possess a modicum of true hockey skill and don’t base their game purely on goalie-running. Oh, and Alex Ovechkin is nothing like a figure skater, if that’s what this idiot was getting at. Second, I would argue that a few months of must-win hockey, culminating in a season-closing, division-clinching 11-1 run, made this team “men” much more than a bunch louts and their badly conceived playoff slogan.

With the Caps gone, Wise went back to his true favorite pastime: Wizards bashing, as Bobtimist Prime ably documented. So we’ve had to cancel the DCO HOF bust-carving. We’re sure Wise is crushed.

Speaking of DCO HOF members, this past week has seen John Lannan extend his scoreless inning streak to 14 innings, a solid 23.7% of the way to Orel Hershiser’s record of 59 innings.

Thursday the 24th brought me a nice treat, being able to concurrently watch the Nats’ 10-5 dismantling of the Mets and the Wizards’ 108-72 emphatic dumping of the Cavs on blessed regional and national cable. For a few precious hours, Westport, CT, felt a lot like Alexandria, VA. It was fleeting, of course, as the end of the Capitals’ season sunk in and the Nationals moved off to non-New-York climbs, but it was a nice transitional day.

It was also a start of a nice little run by the Nats, who’ve won four out of five since then. Busting out of that early season slump? Yes. Just like Ryan Zimmerman, he of the 3-for-4, 3 RBI performance last night, is emerging from his own early season nadir.

I’d be totally remiss in not mentioning another A+ draft effort from the Redskins. A trio of optimism-spouting second-round picks, ready to make all sorts of pass-catching, field-stretching contributions: that’s the stuff. So positive-sounding was this article that I thought for a moment, “what’s with La Canfora and all the positivity?” Foolish me should have realized such ‘tism was impossible from such a purveyor of negativity, and that the more forward-thinking Jason Reid penned this lovely draftee introduction.

So, not the worst week, even with the Caps temporarily feeling the sting of first-round elimination and the Wizards being pushed to the proverbial brink. Just as it’s doubtless the Caps will be back, it’s doubtless the Wizards will yet make this a long and competitive series, the faulty predictions of an allegedly infallible golden boy notwithstanding. I hope to be able to post a little more now, with the move settling down, and look forward to following from afar the Wizards’ comeback and another Nationals season turnaround. With any luck I’ll even be able to pop into DC for a game or two this summer.

First-Place Nats Own the Ninth

Ryan Zimmerman (the most clutch player in the Majors?) after last night’s brilliantly scripted (yes, Paul Lo Duca’s passed ball was scripted to bring about the storybook/Hollywood/perfect ending) 3-2 season-and-park opening victory over the Braves: “We’re tired of being mediocre. We’re ready to win and we’re ready to win now.” Ready to win now. Two games into this undefeated season, with first place in the NL East firmly in hand, and with the team’s playoff (first to say playoffs!) destiny similarly firmly in hand, we at DCO say: success!

Could it be possible that the painful rebuild is over early? Could last year’s mediocrity, of which Zim is already sick, be a thing of the past? Quite possibly. After all, mediocrity was supposed to be the impossible dream of last season, something to pine for all summer as 120 losses piled up. That level, of course, was easily achieved, to the shock of all. Now, most projections I’ve seen for the Nats have them somewhere in the ballpark of 70-73 wins. Mediocrity. Time to shatter those low expectations again. Could all of these things come about to thus shatter them? Undoubtedly yes.

Sports Illustrated at least has predicted them to finish ahead of the Marlins. A non-last-place prediction suits this team just fine, as does SI’s lazy regurgitation of the team’s record last year as its predicted record this year. Doesn’t matter.

It’s not hard to see the hand of the Master in each of these season-opening ninth-inning wins. Freakish passed ball to lose a lead in the top of the ninth? Stay positive and win it in the bottom. Blow a 6-2 lead over a couple of innings to be tied against the Phillies in front of their Phaithful during their home opener? Stay even more positive and lay five on them in the top of the ninth, bringing about that chorus of boos Philadelphians are so fond of phaithfully laying on their beloved teams. Seriously, what a sweet sound that was as the last Philly batter haplessly grounded out to finish the formality of the bottom of the ninth. It’s all Manny, keeping the team focused and optimistic, unlike so many rabid Philly fans waiting for the first sign of trouble (or first five signs of trouble) to turn on their boys.

How about Lastings Milledge. The crack of his bat in the sixth inning announced a two-run homer, but it also might as well have announced blossoming validation of the trade that brought him here. We look for more of these 3-run, 2-for-4 outings from Lastings this season, rather than the getting-the-jitters out 0-for-4 performance he turned in last night. Jitters over, time to hit 30 home runs. There should also be plenty of totals of 30 or more doubles on this team by October, if today was any indication. The only thing that could stand in the way of those totals would be those hits finding a few more inches and becoming home runs, as all four Nats’ ninth-inning doubles nearly were.

Now, a day off before the quest for 162-0 continues. In all, a pretty perfect couple of days to start the season. Of course, we need our optimism-haters out there to try to knock us down a bit, and today’s comes in the curmudgeonly form of Post writer Philip Kennicott, whose main beef with the Nationals seems to be that he can’t see the Anacostia River from the new stadium’s third level. That and the sub-standard carpeting in the luxury suites. And the fact that the stadium architecture does not make enough of a world-impacting/shattering statement to suit his high-brow standards. Or something. You’re not welcome to the parade, Philip.

Sherm, Stump, and my man the Z-Man

(Go ahead and press up those t-shirts now).
Who says Dan Snyder couldn't find any great coaching names? The offensive committee the Z-Man is gearing up for 2008's glorious season is shaping up to be magnificient. Newest offensive coordinator Sherm, the former running backs coach from the Titans, seems Rain Man peppy (and likely a kick-ass Kelli Johnson Tuesday interview, unlike Al Saunders, who usually found 10,000 excuses for some of those heinous fake quadruple-reverses). Check out this quote:

"Anyone would . . . look forward to working with my man Z-man and the staff he's
putting together. I've talked to a lot of people I trust, and they've told me
this sounds like a good move for me at this time in my career."

Guess working for the Redskins ain't the soul-crushing death knell the whole league is avoiding in droves, huh, Sally? Quotes like these get the DCO excited, as Sherm seems to beam an effervescent spirit that likely aided his prodigious ability to turn seemingly hopeless prospects like Lendell White into thousand-yard forces of playoffitude. And, as if hiring this run-first o-coordinator wasn't enough, the skins went and signed on another big-time back burgeoner in Stump Mitchell. Stump had been festering over there in Seattle along with the Z-Man, just waiting for the time they could abandon Shawn Alexander's diminishing returns and instead join a historic running team already having a solid foundation. A focus on the running game ought to be paramount for this team, with a top-five running back and a perfectly adequate backup already locked in. Want more awesome quotage?

"You don't win football games because of plays, you win football games because
of players executing and making plays."

The DCO loves this quote as well. Why? Well it dispells some of the myths that many of the Redskins faithfuls are wrestling with right now. Sure a Hall of Fame coach has left the building for good, and the guy all the players wanted to be hired wasn't hired, but damn if the skins still don't have a pretty darn solid core of players, beginning with their offensive line, which will finally be healthy in 2008. Players make plays, not brainy coordinators. The Redskins lost many players last year (including one we will never get back), and yet the still made the playoffs. A new-ish (don't forget Greg Blache is back coaching the D) coaching staff isn't going to plunge the team deep into the abyss of crappyiness just because the replacement coach hasn't already been featured on a Wheaties box for his crafting of the 7-10 split option 48 blue-green shank flip. Get a couple of blue collar motivators (all of whom are former NFL players, including the Z Man -- a key to earning locker room respect according to former 'skin lineman Ross Tucker) that don't tote some bally-hooed system with them, and have the players respond with their talents.

One must feel further confidence in the Z-Man for his hiring of Sherm and Stump, in addition to the addition of offensive detail mongerer Chris Meindt (sorry, no cool nickname for you yet, bro), giving the Z-Man ample time to work with still-QB of the future Jason Campbell (remember him?). We have a feeling that this internal promotion just might pay off.

Time For Some (Non-Sarcastic) Optimism

Maybe you’re like me. Maybe you staggered into the office this morning, read Sally Jenkins' latest regarding Head Coach James A. Zorn, saw the headline “The Power of Positive Thinking”, read the phrase “the only choice now is optimism”, and were uplifted. Maybe you thought Sally had again shunned optimism-hating and might soon issue retractions for recent anti-optimism columns. Maybe you almost excitedly forwarded the article to a co-worker and fellow blogger, reveling in another turn to the bright side, a la Mike Wise.

Hopefully, like me, you first paused to read the rest of the article. Clearly, the wise thing for me to do was read the entire column for complete context, instead of basing a perception of Sally’s ‘tism levels on this one line. It’s similar to the way in which one should not compile hockey power rankings based merely on standings alone (or preconceived notions of a team’s greatness. Hello, Rangers), and not, say, ridiculous two-month streaks of dominance with exactly zero back-to-back regulation losses.

While at first it looked like we were being treated to a lovingly optimistic welcome letter to the new Coach, what we were really in store for was paragraph after paragraph of backhanded “compliments”, smarm, stealthy ‘Skins-bashing and detriment that would have found welcome homes in the prose of Redskins Insider. Ha ha! another Tom-Cruise-has-some-sort-of-ill-defined-relationship-with-Dan-Snyer-and-is-a-wacky-Scientologist joke! Funny, Sally. So timely. Maybe Jay Leno can work that never-tired joke and reference into his never-tired monologue.

No matter. Let Sally (and certain like-minded co-workers of ours) revel in their Philly-like negativity (we could also, possibly more accurately, call it New-York-like negativity). We’ll sit back and continue to support our team, hoping (optimistically, sans smarm) Jim Zorn is another Gibbs-like riser from obscurity to championship-winning.

Speaking of championship-winning, those Caps ended the weekend just as they started it: in the driver’s seat for the Southeast Division championship, intervening Friday night speed bumps aside.

Olie Kolzig reverted to 1998 should-have-won-the Conn-Smythe form and baffled the Rangers on Sunday in the way point-producing has recently baffled Jaromir Jagr. Mike Green in overtime was, well, Mike Green in overtime, which is to say he beat New York. Alex Ovechkin notched three points and spared us all a gluttonous influx of “Evegeni Malkin Ties For Scoring Lead, Saves Universe” stories. That alone is reason to feel good today.

First-Place Reign Continues

Love you, Vancouver. Loved you as a brief honeymoon stopover a year and a half ago, loved you tonight when you took care of Atlanta. Love the Capitals-like third period comeback you pulled off to keep our boys on their well-deserved first-place perch.

Of course, tomorrow night’s game against dethroned Carolina is key. As we’ve previously mentioned, the DCO Optimilitia will be there in full force, along with about three dozen friends and co-workers, watching from section 401 as the team opens up a solid 3-point lead in the Southeast, with a game or two in hand over all pretenders to boot.

Even we optimists are surprised at this rapid rise to the division top. Back in January, when the team crawled back above .500 for the first time since those halcyon days of October, we foresaw a first-place team by mid-February. In retrospect, such a prognostication might qualify as the greatest form of heresy in the eyes of this blog: optimism-hating. Fully a week (or so) before that heralded mid-February, here we are, watching the suddenly frontrunner Caps fend off the teams they’ve crawled past since Thanskgiving.

A three seed and some nice home-ice advantage would look good heading into the playoffs. That six seed opponent is still Pittsburgh right now. That might be enough to bring chilling visions of 3-1 and 2-0 series leads lost (not to mention 4-overtimes and Petr Nedved) to even the most ardent lover of optimism, but as we’ve seen in the two-plus months since the ascension of Bruce Boudreau, this team is different. They don’t choke. They may make it sporting by turning a 4-1 lead into a 4-3 lead before pulling out a win, but a decided lack of choking is evident. They don’t go on prolonged losing streaks, important in not blowing a big playoff series lead. And, as OFB put it, “Heck, they even win shootouts now.”

We're (Almost) #1

It’s become a series of (welcome) trends: the Capitals laugh at two-goal deficits; the Capitals absolutely refuse to go two games in a row without grabbing at least one standings point (two-plus months and counting); Alex Ovechkin, night after night, seems to be desperately seeking a 70-goal season while making ridiculous plays to carry the team. Not even cement-footed, Shaone Morrisonn-tripping Bill McCreary could ruin last night’s comeback.

The division deficit is back to one point. With a chance to finally make up one of those two games in hand over Atlanta and Carolina, first place is within the Caps’ grasp tonight. A win in Philadelphia (site of Bruce II’s first game with the team and one of his greatest triumphs) and first place is secure, making Friday’s contest with the Hurricanes an important pad-the-lead type of game.

How about Tom Poti? Throwing hits, blocking shots, scoring a tying goal so stunning it took a replay to confirm it, deftly playing cross-ice catch with Ovechkin on the overtime winner. There’s a reason he quietly eats up so much ice time every game, derisions about his very occasional defensive zone turnovers aside.

Yes, just like the season as a whole, last night looked really bad before it looked really good. Now, suddenly, as the Capitals found themselves needing just one goal for a win last night, they find themselves needing just one win for first place and a three-seed in the standings. We eagerly await seeing such standings. In addition, we eagerly await the debate with a new set of optimism haters who will poo-poo such a lofty status for the Caps and who will ridicule the weakness of the Southeast Division and declare the team somehow undeserving of a conference rank higher than Pittsburgh (likewise we await the detractors of imminent scoring champion Alex Ovechkin. Detractors who will wave the But Sidney Was Hurt flag. Their efforts will also fail).

He Stays

(AP)

No need to worry after all. No specifics yet, but who cares. The words “long term”, “contract”, “Ovechkin”, and “with Capitals” are together at last. Sorry to all those in Montreal, Toronto, New York, Nashville(?), and anyone else anywhere else who enjoyed traficking in false-rumor-slinging and wishful superstar-poaching thinking these last few months. Condolences also to hockey snobs "purists" (Brooks, Larry; Cherry, Don) who wanted this franchise to wither and die and allow its cornerstones to be distributed to more “worthy” clubs and markets. Sorry, fellas, there may just be a legitimate contender being built here. Encourage your home teams to throw their money elsewhere.

UPDATE: Um, 13 YEARS?! Even we 'tism-blinded fanatics weren't expecting that long/sweet a deal. Six, seven, maybe eight, but 13? Looks like those deluded everyone-good-should-play-in-our-true-hockey-town folks will have to wait until Sid's deal expires in a mere half-decade to fall all over each other again. I guess when Ted (and the rest of the organization) continually repeated that #8 would be here for "a long, long time" it was more than just sound-bitey pablum.

JOIN THE OPTIMILITIA

Trying months lie ahead, with clueless NHL "fans" snubbing Ovie, the Wizards losing post previous non-jinxing DCO post, and talk of moustachioed head coaching candidates abound. In these short weeks before the Assistant Coach-Defense is named head coach, expect the haters to be out in full force. Don't think we haven't noticed the Cowboy fan revival. Post the week 17 embarrassment, when all of those expensive #31 jerseys were relegated to the "ashamed-to-wear-it" closet along with that Hypercolor sweater and those silver Parasucos, the wagon-boys are returning to their star-clad ways now that their most threatening exposer of wackness, the skins, have been eliminated. I am sure that offensive genius (and the worst-possible, shades-of-Norv head coaching candidate) Jason Garret has his playbook fired up in lieu of gaining more than one yard of rushing versus the now slobbered-over Giants. Be sure to remind these ticket-carrying boys bandwagoneers that Marion "Menos-Seis" Barber and them sure do look phoney in the face of hungry competition. If newly-minted playoff winner Eli Manning bests his fellow playoff failure Tony Romo, expect the sudden appearance of fluttering Cowboy car-flags to flutter away like field goal attempts in the playoffs.

As if a resurgence of Cowboy fans wasn't bad enough, noted 'tism-haters, sensing blood in the water, have also begun to fire their predictable rounds at the unfortunate remnants of the Redskins braintrust, beginning with salvo-happy Sally Jenkins, who just couldn't wait to again shoot off words of discouragement at a team that has endured more than any team, evar. Likely with the Dan Snyder full-page playoff ad from 2005 in her eyesights, Sally, at once thought to have been swayed to the good side, took the discouraging retirement news as obvious that the "ice-chewing" skins braintrust ran the hall-of-famer ragged. We have already noted the last time Sally attempted to belittle the franchise, she was so totally wrong it was quite hilarious. And she couldn't respond with a Boswell-esque online retraction column that parsed the web of any signs of a previously printed prediction that a mere hours later was irrefutibly refuted in that case. When the braintrust does the right thing, removing the "Assistant" and "Defense" tags from the proper Redskins coach, expect a similar blasting of Sally in these parts.

Right in line with Sally is another frequent skins basher, and equally insufferable tool, Len Pasquarelli, who was so happy that his groan-inducing "ordinary Joe" tag stuck around that he likely had his eyes closed, smiling upward, wiggling his knees and clenching his yellowed teeth over his bottom lip while piecing together his latest self-congratulatory espn.com suckiness. I like how he notes the sage wisdom of Bill Parcells regarding returning to coaching, and how he refuses to do it because he said he was too old for it despite being 9 months younger than Joe Gibbs. Excellent analysis there Len, pretty much negating the fact that Parcells had a remarkably ho-hum tenure in Dallas just a year previously in which he won a grand total of zero playoff games, frequently earning ulcers as a result of Santana Moss. I really feel that the opinions of a washed-up coach, who exhausted many more whore-ish opportunities in many more cities, with far little success than Joe Gibbs has, with fewer super bowl results, (yet more lame Gatorade Commercials) is going to be correct in this case. Mr. Parcells isn't so much as too old to coach again as he is proven-to-be-incapable of it. Why not find another source to attribute your lame predictions to, Len.

See, with all of these haterz providing us Clinton-esque motivations, it was time for us to react in a top-five running back in the league-esque manner. We have decided to bandy up our support to form a group of constitutionally-approved fighters against all that is negative. It is time people, for you to suit up and join this optimilitia, blasting star-wearers for their poor taste in football team fandom choices. While I traversed the ramp at FedEx Field following the 27-6 complete pwnership of the boys, I met every silver-and-blue jersey with a loud, belly laugh, with my belly exposed having removed my upper clothing pieces in an effort to express an exhibitionist nature in celebration of both the win and community inebriation. My efforts were met with an expulsion from the stands by the section 447 security guy (a regular foil), but that didn't stop me from informing every 'boy bandwagoner exactly what I thought of their performance (it being laughable). I even provoked one fan to spit on me. What class these Cowboys fans have, being guests in our spacious, poorly planned, overpriced house, that when they have to endure drunken fans simply laughing at their suckiness, they respond in the most vulgar manner possible. I wore this "gentleman's" saliva as if it were another drop of December precipitation, not responding in a manner in which 'boys fans frequently respond to each other. For the satisfaction of knowing that the mere presence of my exposed girth in addition to his team's exposure of ineptitude was enough to draw him to extreme vulgarity made responding with violence unneccessary.

I expect all optimilitia members to react similarly once these dark days have passed. Ascend upon the Verizon Center during the annual "West Virginia's night out" aka the next Penguins game aka the ending of the current streak of losses to the diving darlings. The optimilitia was present at the Wizards game last night, both happy with Andray Blatche's peskiness and the appearance of Alex Ovechkin, who did the "I Can't Feel My Face" DeShawn Stevenson dance on the jumbotron, likely in response to Don Cherry, John Buccigross, Canada, et al calling for his trade from this supposedly decrepit hockey town. I am sure that frequent Wizards game attender Ovechkin wouldn't be too happy in Ottawa, Calgary, Vancouver, Edmonton, or Montreal, all cities with no discernable professional basketball to watch on an off-day, and while the dinosaurs somehow haven't moved from Toronto, they remain negligible and without any players doing any cool dances.

The optimilitia sees Ovechkin staying in DC, utilizing the tutelige of Barry-Melrose-annointed coach of the year Bruce Boudreau to motor into the playoffs THIS year. We also see Head Coach-everything Gregg Williams leading his merry Redskins to a second consecutive postseason birth, likely earning more playoff victories than the Cowboys have earned in the previous 11 years! Stop whining, and don't be a Sally. Enlist now!

Not So Easy, Is It?

So, the Cleveland Cavaliers have a little bit of an issue with winning sans superstar. What a shame. Based on the Wizards’ 105-86 throttling of the Cavs, we at DCO have no qualms in declaring Cleveland’s springtime sweep of the Wiz completely fraudulent and LeBron et al’s improbable and ultimately futile run to the NBA finals nothing more than the flukiest aberration this side of a Miami Dolphins’ victory. Is there any more true equation in the entire universe than No LeBron = No Chance? Contrast that with the Wizards’ truisms (‘tisms?) of:

Wizards - Gilbert = Still Excellent Chance(s) of Winning
Wizards + Healthy Gilbert = Stunning Post-season Run

Bigger picture, the victory means a .500 record (9-4 since that little early season bump) and a phoenix-ish rise to 5th place in the East. A different kind of Phoenix is next up, and while it’s undoubtedly tempting for those optimism-haters out there to write this game off as a launching pad to a sub-.500 record, keep in mind that Dallas is 8-1 at home, and that “1” is courtesy of a 12-point stunner from the Wizards back in November. The point is, a 15-4 Suns team need not look like an automatic L.

The Redskins should take note of the win-streaking, odds-beating, and injury-overcoming as they prepare for their own season-salvaging run, starting tonight. We’ll even take the field-goal-only path to victory. Anything.

Proper Perspective on a Near-Win

Mike Wise, now officially cured of the optimism-hating that crippled so many of his columns in the spring, penned a beautifully lyrical ‘tism love note to Jason Campbell in this morning’s paper. This focus on all that was positive from yesterday sounds as if it were written for the virtual pages of DCO itself.

All the points are there: Campbell is brilliant and will be even more so, as he continues to rack up career-best performances; late interception aside, he performed more-than-admirably in front of a raucous crowd of hostile Cowboys’ fans (many of whom may actually have been from Texas) – a crowd that also seemed to be well-sprinkled with burgundy-clad faithful; Sean Taylor would have put second thoughts into TO’s head yesterday, and prevented at least a couple of those showy touchdown grabs. Troy Aikman also jumped on the growing Campbell bandwagon, declaring it was “definitely worth” the Redskins trading draft picks to move up and select JC.

This loss could be a second incarnation of the Ugly Goal Theory (the first incarnation, brought to us by the Capitals, is still fermenting, as they continue to look for that elusive big win streak to break their moderate funk), in that this loss, disappointing though it is, could be that ugly, fluky goal that breaks a long drought (uninspired performances, won or lost) and ushers in a streak (big road wins to secure a playoff spot).
At 5-5, playoffs are still well within reach, and with this courageous loss to build on, the time is ripe for a Wizards-like streak. Going 4-2 the rest of the way to get to 9-7 is no more improbable this year than going 5-0 to close out 2005. I can happen, and it starts in Tampa, where the Redskins are well-familiar with winning playoff or playoff-like games.

This week also brought a couple more vindication points of sorts to the ‘Skins. First, that win against the Jets is looking more like a quality victory and not such a cause for concern (because of the squeaky nature of the win over a 1-victory team). It seems the Jets are a team to be taken seriously after all, beating the critically acclaimed Steelers in overtime. Second, Washington is erased from the record books as this season’s most brutalized Patriots’ victim. That honor now resides in Buffalo, home of the still-Super-Bowl-winless Bills. 52-7 isn’t pretty, 56-10 is less pretty. It’s 49ers vs. Broncos territory.

Back to Wise, his was one of the better pieces to appear anywhere in the DC sports world recently. It makes us want to resurrect the quasi-dormant Manny Acta Optimist of the Week Award and (again) bestow it on this now fully recovered optimism-hater. In fact, it even more makes us want to declare that, from this day forward, the words “optimism-hater” will no longer besmirch the good name of Mike Wise.

Finally, look at the rest of the season through these words of noted ‘tism sage Tom Boswell: “Despite another brutally close defeat…the Redskins actually produced more reasons for hope than causes for fresh anguish.”

At 5-3, Why Worry?

Following up on Bobtimist’s fine commentary on Clinton Portis’ resurgence and the means to keep it going, let’s look at countering naysayers who are pessimistic despite the Redskins’ win over the Jets.

The optimism-hating line of the week will be something akin to “they barely beat a terrible team.” This presumably takes the place of the recent discrediting attempt to the tune of “the Lions win was fraudulent because Detroit really stinks.” Well, Detroit is 6-2 and stuck 44 on the Broncos and their vaunted shutdown corners, and held their equally vaunted crazy successful running system to 47 yards. Somehow the Redskins withstood that high-flying Detroit offense and suffocating D, so let’s stop pretending that wasn’t a huge victory. With that win legitimized (and becoming important, if tiebreakers come up later on), detractors must find another outlet, and this OT win over a 1-win team would seem to be a fine candidate. Predictably, we disagree.

Reasons for optimism from yesterday, aside from the obvious huge positive of the win:

-We do not have to deal with the “they won because of the coin toss” detraction. The Skins lost the coin toss and had to face down the scary Jets’ offense to start the overtime. It looked bleak after that 39-yard gain pushed the ball into Skins’ territory, but the D, looking ripe for the vultures to jump on their somewhat subpar performance, stood up and didn’t even allow a field goal attempt.

-Santana Moss, despite limited output yesterday, showed us he is still capable of the big play, flying down the field in overtime and putting himself in prime position to catch a game-ending bomb. Only a slight overthrow by JC kept it from happening. But we can find a positive there, in that Santana looks to again be ready to haul in the long ones.

-Halftime adjustments, widely considered a glaring weakness of this year’s team, were brilliant, whatever they may have been. Maybe the Skins just needed to be losing by a little instead of leading by a little going into the half. Could Coach Joe finally be reviving his half-time-adjusting genius of years past? Perhaps even by getting angry at his team’s lack of effort in a first half against an inferior opponent? Combined with Glen Halon’s bench outburst on Thursday, maybe DC is getting a much-needed infusion of angry coach motivation.

- LaRon Landry is a quick learner. This has been evident all season long, as his contributions to the secondary undeniably have contributed to the lack of big bombs given up by the D this year. His specific lesson from yesterday was how not to destroy a QB. Following his 15-yard penalty for pummeling Kellen Clemens with his helmet, Landry continued to bring the blitz from the secondary, and on more than one occasion pulled up after the ball was thrown, still hitting Clemens, but not with the helmet-leading voraciousness that would draw a flag. Lesson learned, and another step taken on the road to being a true disciplined-yet-deadly safety.

- The coming-to-town Eagles looked utterly inept. McNabb threw INTs into triple coverage, the defense folded, and the fans were flabbergasted. Looking forward to seeing them on Sunday.

Nothing Misleading Here

4-2.

Not the prettiest way to achieve it, but it’s still…….4-2.

It’s disappointing to see borderline optimism-hating by our boy Steinz, who must have felt it necessary to quash whatever buzz we had left after yesterday’s harrowing 4th quarter. He called the right-in-the-thick-of-everything Redskins’ 4-2 record “misleading.” Misleading? Dan, Dan, Dan. What’s misleading about the NFC’s #1 defense? What’s misleading about shutting down back-to-back #1 passing offenses in the form of the Lions and Packers (followed by a surviving of the potent Warner-Rattay combo). But the offense is terrible, right? Not really: a perhaps-surprising #7 in points/game in the NFC. This ranks the Skins ahead of such alleged offensive dynamos as the Eagles (how can their average be so bad even with that 50+ against Detroit?), Saints, and Seahawks.

Ohio State's #1 ranking is misleading. Boston College's #2 ranking is misleading. This slippery fellow in the Alexandria Hyundai commercial is possibly misleading. The Redskins' 4-2 record is...the Redskins' 4-2 record.

The point being in all of this: let’s not look for reasons to dislike this win. Let’s, for once, revel in the fact that some other team is saying “we should have won this game” after putting up statistics to prove how superior they were to the team that just beat them. This week Arizona has “the field goal” (or, really, “the extra point”) instead of Washington having, say, “the fumble” or “the most difficult two yards in the history of existence.” As much as any person or team is ever “due” for anything, this team was “due” to win a game in which they were statistically outperformed (at least offensively).

-Off-topic for a moment: Chris Berman can discontinue saying “sexy” any time he wants to on the pre-game show. Somebody stop him, please.

Since we now safely can look past the Cardinals, let’s look at the Patriots. We’ve already documented that it’s a professionally acknowledged possibility the Redskins can win this game. It’s just a matter of the Redskins believing it can happen. They just need someone to inspire them, much as Moe inspired Homer before his fight with heavyweight champ Dreaderick Tatum. Since my few minutes of research did not turn up a video of this inspiration for the ages, I’ll borrow the quote from the Simpsons Archive.

Moe: All right, Homer, I'm not gonna lie to you. There's a good chance you can beat Tatum. But you gotta visualize how you're gonna win, okay?
Homer: Gotcha.
[dreams on about his victory]
Announcer: A congenital heart defect has apparently felled Tatum moments before he could step into the ring.

It’s that simple.

-Berman again. Please stop. Is he the only one who does not see that he is utterly insufferable? Is he the only one who feels he doesn’t deliver a joke with all the hilarity and non-awkwardness of Alex Trebek (anybody catch his whimsical Dr. Ruth impression tonight?)?

We’re bound to see a lot of “no chance, let’s concede 4-3 right now” commentary in the next six days. Like the thinking of all completely pessimistic thoughts, and like going 5-1 playing the Cowboys’ schedule, it’s easy to do. Resist. Resist in the same way you should resist thinking about worst-case scenarios.