More Expert Ignorance Brought to Light

Bloggers often catch heat for not being "legitimate" writers, and for being of questionable "reliability" because they are not beholden to legions of editors and fact-checkers. It's all nonsense, of course, since "professional" writers such as this guy, Matt Becker, can get away with such a blatant disregard for facts. The first line of his Nationals-Reds game preview was so out-of-step with reality it would have been laughable if it were not so insulting. This looks like a growing problem over at Yahoo!, since in the past week we have already exposed an example of shoddy journalistic research on their part.

Before we get into this latest slight on the Nats, let's bask in the 'tism-tinged light of a brilliant series sweep, one accompanied by the shut-down antics of Mike Bacsik (post-2nd-inning) and the thunder from the heart of the lineup. DCO attempted to attend the game, but was denied by the crushing and baffling onslaught of traffic near the 14th Street Bridge (traffic exiting town, in contrast, breezed by unfettered). Question: how long should it take to go from Pentagon City to the Pentagon? If you said "less than 45 minutes" you would be incorrect. Now, on to the horrid line:

"The Washington Nationals are stumbling through another disappointing season."

We know, we know. The awfulness, inaccuracy, and ignorance of this statement speak for themselves. Still, for the benefit of those who would believe such things are true, let's examine some key words from this ill-conceived sentence and analyze what they mean and why they are wrong.

-Stumbling. "to move unsteadily. falter." Mr. Becker would apparently have us believe that the team is moving aimlessly through the season, without purpose.
He obviously is unaware of the brilliance and long-term focus of The Plan, how it is blossoming, perhaps years ahead of schedule, and how key components are in place and developing at a staggeringly quick pace. This is not unsteady movement, and the team is far from faltering (see below). The Montreal/San Juan Expos were stumbling. Bud Selig’s handling of the moving/selling of the team could be described as stumbling (or, more accurately, “purposely incompetently executed”). This team is not stumbling.

-Disappointing. "failing to fulfill one's hopes or expectations." As bad as “stumbling” was, this is worse. They may be the first team in history to see 48-60 as not disappointing, but the fact is…48-60 is not disappointing. It is in fact cause for blissful celebration. By most “expert” accounts (presumably including some experts at Yahoo!), 48 wins was supposed to be far beyond attainable for this group, whose Major League credentials were constantly questioned. They were supposed to be the pushover joke of the NL East, yet they find themselves only 2.5 games behind the mighty Florida Marlins for 4th place in the division. They have a better record than teams not burdened with worst-ever predictions: the Giants, Astros, Pirates, Reds, Devil Rays (please let this list include the word “Orioles” by the end of this season. It’s possible, so very possible). Maybe Manny needs to sit down with this guy and give him a scolding, and explain to him how un-disappointing this season is, perhaps pointing out that winning July record as an indication of how far (how fast) this team has come from 9-25.

So, Mr. Becker, before you take a quick glance at the standings and write your previews based solely on cold, unforgiving win-loss counts, dig a little deeper. There could be a completely different story behind those numbers.

Mike Wise Cops to 'Tism Hating, Attempts to Make Peace with DCO

Never have us at the DC Optimist felt so vindicated by a sentence than when we read this smoking gun of a 'graph from oft-noted 'tism-hater and vibrantly-collared shirt-wearer Mike Wise in his recent blogosphere-besmirching column.

"Sad and subversive as it is, I usually like to stoke such fears. I have no
problem contributing to the insecurity of any team's core fan base."

You never fooled us, Mr. Wise, we already knew about your rampant 'tism hating and the underlying reasons for it. We already knew that your general Ray Lewis-like stabs in the direction of humor at the expense of Brendan Haywood, your woe-are-the-wiz columns where fantasy trades are bandied about, and your Redskins are racist finger wags, were all a means of screwing with the fanciful mindsets of this rather wholesome, non-Philadelphian-like public sports fanbase. We knew that your unabashed 'tism-hating was simply a ruse to make television appearances and purchase the latest in neon magic eye patterned collar-wear. We have had your 'tism-hating tagged ever since you were calling for an Antonio Daniels and Etan Thomas for a "legitimate 20 and 10 big man" swap that couldn't exist.

And we know you know this too.

Which is why we are willing to accept your apology that you obviously olive-branched out to us this morning, as well as your reformation into a T-Boz-like spreader of goodness. It was great to see you traversing the inner-webs looking for signs of 'tism-hating and cut-and-running amongst the legions of Redskins faithful in light of recent training camp bumps and bruises. We too feel like the Redskins faithful are a bit too wary of potential knee-sprains upon their consciousness, it is the reason for our existence. Why many of these people are failing to actually APPRECIATE how these tiny nicks upon precious ligaments are beneficial to the team. We WANT Samuels sidelined during the preseason, where he cannot possibly end up like Jansen did back in 2005 with his achilles obliterated by the Canton concrete field during preseason meaninglessness. We also WANT Portis on a stationary bike instead of on the field attempting arm-bars on wayward defensive backs. The Samuels situation even allows the Paris Hilton depth of the o-line to be further evaluated (was that a vagina joke or what? The Fabini, et. al-makeup of the o-line consists of depth-ness), the rookie gems to be unearthed, and the Todd Wades to be properly taught. We too know that Marcus Washington's resting, braceless time is as important as the contents of his urine.

We think it's great that you have now embraced the 'tism. We have spend 130+ internet spaces (we're not posters, n00b), attempting to liven up the people who feel like they may be suffering. It's obvious you are seeing the results, with the Nationals posting a WINNING MONTH, the Wizards locking up brilliant draft picks, the Caps new-attituding, and the 'skins talkin' super bowl. We are just happy to see that your foolish 'tism-hating ways are behind you. Maybe dangling a potential MAO of the Week award might elicit more columns of this healing-like variety (the "...tendinitis isn't something that is serious unless you're an aging basketball superstar trying for a comeback" line is delicious in it's Jordan bashing. Wonder if Michael "Cuba" Wilbon got that?). Indeed it is a "new day people." Now you just have to say something to Sally Jenkins.

John Lannan Inducted into DCO Hall of Fame

In the most inauspicious major league pitching debut of all time, Nationals rookie lefty John Lannan won over the hearts of us here at the DC Optimist with his gutty performance, already earning a bust in our soon-to-be-coveted DCO Hall of Fame. While the actual DCO Hall of Fame building has yet to be erected, and there have yet to be any other legitimate winners of this honor, we felt that a hall of fame commemoration needs to be created after his simply brilliant attacking of Philadelphia Phillies. Most of the time we simply reward our local superstars when their attitudes are just cheery enough to straddle the delicate balance of sportsfan sanity that is as shaky as crucial knee ligaments (why knee sprain!? WHY?!!). But this display of genuine hatred towards Philadelphians will forever hold a place in our hearts. We first were won over when the ferocious lefty plunked back-to-back Phillies, got (historically) thrown out and caused the first ever ejection of ChairManny. But when news reached us regarding the first-plunked Chase Utley's hand status being of the broken variety, our hearts found a permanent place for the kid.

Injuring Philadelphia superstars before crucial playoff crunch times is always reason to celebrate. Sure Jeremiah Trotter's two years in the burgandy and gold were quite hilarious with the untimely blitzes that cause 30-yard screen passes to Stephen Davis in the fourth quarter and the knee shreddings at Texas stadium, followed by the corny "homecoming" back to that decrepit metropolis where he resurrected his fading career. But while he was here he managed to injure running back Brian Westbrook prior the the Eagles' umpteenth playoff flameout. For that, Trotter will always be in our positive memories.

Maybe people think Dale Hunter's finished check on Pierre Turgeon was a black eye for both "La Petite Peste" and the NHL as a whole. Not us. Even if Turgeon wasn't a Flyer, injuring him prevented the Islanders from winning the cup. Hunter was able to end the Flyers season back in '88, unfortunately, only Ron Hextall's wavering confidence was injured.

Thus with Lannan, we already have an injuring moment we can savor. His eventual development into one of the top arms in the Nats stable is just icing on the cake, as was the rallying of Lannan's teammates in response and the Nats' eventual victory. There may be nay-sayers who in a very Philadelphian-like manner are hilariously hostile due to their insecure whiney nature and overall malaise of their hometown. For this, we are equally ecstatic.

Nationals Win Series 2 – 1.5 (and the Gravest Threat to Us All)

The Nats shocked the NL East-leading Mets by taking 2 out of 3.5 at Shea this weekend. It would have been a more decisive 3 games out of 4 had rain not interfered for the second time this season and cut yesterday's game short after less than five innings (yes, Washington was on the verge of a stunning 5-run, late-inning comeback on Sunday. All the signs were there). Once again, only the rain bailed the Mets out of a humiliating, convincing series defeat at home at the hands of the Nationals. In fact, it might be a little too coincidental that weather again was such a factor in denying the Nats a well-deserved series victory against New York. Also a tad bit too coincidental is the upcoming Discovery Channel program on…controlling the weather, a program that, according to the promotions, prominently features New York! In short, yes, we believe high ranking members of the Mets organization are in possession of a weather machine.

Also complicit in this plot against The Plan is master prognosticator Joel Sherman of the New York Post, who doubtlessly hates to see his predictions of the NL East's mastery over the Nationals proved so completely false (yes, they currently sport an 18-23 record against the East, but this is hardly the pushover record that was expected of them; the Nats' 4-4.5 record against the Mets in particular must gall him to no end). Also, as Sherman is a self-declared member of that haughty and brillianly clairvoyant “the Nats will be worse than the ’62 Mets” club, he must have seen the Nationals’ claming of victory #43 late last week as a stinging, personal rebuke.

Thus, with his beloved team still solidly entrenched in the records books as The Worst of All-Time, and with the same team about to be done in yet again by the Nationals he disdains so much, Sherman and his conspirators in Flushing turned their keys a-la Crimson Tide and unleashed the man-shackled forces of Nature. It's the only possible explanation.

The New and Improved Brandon Lloyd

In this discrete Redskins offseason of impassioned frugality and level headedness, one of the hallmarks of what will become — in our often-correct analysis — the ultimate team-comeback story, will be the Redskins' everlasting faith in projects that had yet to matriculate positive results. Beginning with the grasping of Saunders' hallowed playbook and continuing with faith in a Portis-Betts biumverate and furthering through trust in the often snickered-at defensive line makeup, there were experiments made before 5-11 that many unfaithful individuals would have since aborted. One of the more embarrassing additions to 5-11 (yes, we are drawing slightly offensive parallels here), was wide receiver Brandon Lloyd.

Blessed with the ability to make sportscenter highlight packages that make Stuart Scott erupt with akwardly out-of-touch references to urban rap music, Lloyd was supposed to be that guy that made the defense think twice about doubling Santana. He was going to be the guy Brunell would pitch to when he wasn't targetting his check-down route on third down. Unfortunately, after his lone highlight (that diving catch on second down in the worst preseason game, like, ever), he completely vanished, turning up only to exhibit overall shame with tantrums, drops, avoidances of contact, and ahem, rap albums. After these Archuleta-like grievances, the skins braintrust should have layed down the axe upon his uniquely-coiffed head and proceeded to procure another source of catches that may not end up having the worst season in the history of wide receivers, right?

But trusting in the braintrust knows no bounds here, and The DC Optimist enjoys the manner in which the braintrust offers unwavering support to Lloyd, and we feel that there is no doubt that because of this, Lloyd will bounce back from this most unfortunate of seasons. Why check the photographic evidence courtesy of fans at extremeskins.com. Lloyd's newfound gunnage are David Boston-like in their definededness. We figure that running routes with another bouncing-back skin Shawn Springs in an offseason Arizona training compound can only help. Springs is convinced of Blloyd's ability:

"I can't think of too many guys I've ever played with that have the ability that
Brandon has," Springs said. "That's why I wanted to work out with him as a
veteran guy. He can do anything he wants on a football field. He's got that much
talent."

Nice to see a guy like Springs, who many had given up on or thought the team had given up on, working so hard to boost the talents of a player people think the team should have given up on, or never given a chance. No, Blloyd, or as my mother calls him "Lil T.O.," will fullfill the prophecies of Springs in 2007, upping his catch numbers, and his touchdown lack of number. We see physical improvements in Blloyd's fantastic website as well. New website, new biceps, new attitude — could this end positively? If we were Stuart Scott and also insufferable, we might say booyeah.

MAO of the Week (7-27) and Another Semi-Prominent Naysayer

Just in time for training camp, at least one Redskins player is thinking big, really big. One-upping teammate Clinton Portis’ prediction of an appearance in the NFC Championship game, Antwaan Randle El is talking Super Bowl. As Steinz put it: “it takes a particular lack of self-doubt to make that claim about a 5-11 team with a first-year starting QB.” We would have to agree. A lack of self-doubt is often a starting point on the road to perennial (and often aggressively contagious) optimism. For such a lack of self-doubt and for his bubbling ‘Tism, we name Randle El our Manny Acta Optimist of the Week.

We can only assume that Antwaan would take issue with the newest enemy of ‘Tism: Jason Cole. This Yahoo! sports "expert" (or is he just a yahoo? Haha!) would have us believe that, in the coming season, the only teams worse than the Washington Redskins will be the Browns, Falcons, and Raiders. *Withholding litany of the most profane profanities you have ever heard in this or any other life*. What kind of not-even-close-to-the-#1-web-search-engine expert is this guy?

Even if you do not share Randle El's well-thought-out assessment that the Redskins are mortal locks for the Super Bowl (sound familiar?), you surely must believe that they will be better in this coming season than some of the pathetic teams that Expert Cole ranked ahead of them in his illogical rankings.

Seriously, Washington at the very least deserves consideration for admittance to "The Muddled Middle", (as opposed to being relegated to "The Bottom of the Pack") with the likes of the Dolphins (who is their QB again?), Packers (their QB is how old and how far removed from his prime?) and Panthers (why is the critics' favorite darling ranked so low in the first place?). Maybe it's just backlash against the Skins for years of gluttonous offseason spending, followed by enormous expectations and predictions of success, followed by disappointment. Maybe Cole thinks that such a pattern will continue unabated. Or maybe he's just a shoddy analyst.

We believe the latter, for it is clear that this off-season the Redskins broke the cycle, making smaller, more sensible moves, and getting great value out of their limited number of draft picks. Attitudes towards the best way to build a competitor have changes, and it's time to return to those heady days of two seasons ago, and beyond.

While our disgust with Jason Cole is not on the same level as our disgust with Erik Kay, they are nevertheless part of the same team of evil optimism-haters. Put another way, if Erik Kay is the Emperor, Jason Cole is a Stormtrooper (Mike Wise drives an Imperial Walker). Randle El has chosen not to believe their lies, and DCO stand with him. Cole thinks the Skins will be the 29th best team in the league; Antwaan believes they will be the best. We'll see who's closer.

Fire Hunter Wendelstedt Today!!

Homeplate umpire Hunter Wendelstedt (pictured, right) has committed the unforgivable sin of ejecting Master of 'Tism Manny Acta in today's game. This after he ejected sweet, innocent first-time starter John Lannan for merely doing what countless others of us have dreamed of (admit it): plunking two Philadelphia players.

The motives of this rogue umpire may never be known, as he will doubtless keep such things buried in the depths of his blackened Grinch-like heart. However, Capitol Punishment presents a completely plausible theory for Wendelstedt's utterly insane overreation. We now only wait for MLB to do the right thing and can this blight on the game.

Will He Stay?

The Plan could continue apace today as rumors abound about a contract extension for MVP candidate Dmitri Young (if MVPs were nominated according to the letter of the law that such candidates be those who are judged the most valuable to their teams. Who is more valuable to any team than this guy is to the Nats? He’s already been snubbed once; it must not happen again). Thus is nearly completed his journey from near death to key piece of a soon-to-be contender. Could Dmitri have been sending us all a message that it's a done deal with his RBI single in the first inning of this afternoon's game? Almost assuredly yes.

This may be yet another signal that The Plan is moving to the acquisition phase and is done with the relatively brief (yet somewhat painful) blowing-up and jettisoning phase. Or it may be a lesson learned from the Soriano affair of last summer.

There are of course naysayers and doubters who wonder where this pillar of inspiration fits in a lineup with a healthy Nick Johnson (scientists have been unable to definitively prove the existence of such a being) at first base. There’s the oft-proposed outfield, where Dmitri has briefly toiled before. Some decry this move as stupid, wondering how Dmitri could lumber after flyballs in the gap and corner. We understand, but we would like to point to another hefty-yet-talented hitter who played in the outfield to some distinction: George Herman Ruth. Yes, we are comparing Dmitri Young to Babe Ruth. And if the aforementioned Soriano could make the bizarre transition from second base to left field, surely Dmitri can slide back 150 feet or so from first base to play in right.

Speaking of the outfield, yes, it hurt us to see that debacle unfold in the Nats' outfield in the bottom of the ninth last night. But we are not spiraling into depression or anything else resembling the slightest bit of a blue mood because of it. Why? Because Chris Marrero plays outfield, he will be here soon enough, and he’s clearly going to be the second-greatest-hitter of all time. Second only to who? You know.

Why Going to Tony Bat is Where it's At

You might have rolled your eyes when ChairManny grabbed that scorecard in that taught ninth inning in Philly and neglected that seldomly solid defensive replacement-cum-grand slammer Ryan Langerhans and instead filled in the blank spot with none other than the crane-swooping, base-waddling, jheri-curl rockin', on-base avoiding, weird-looking Tony Batista. But you know what, it was time for sweet redemption to rear its beautiful navy blue eyes on the loopy former Oriole. Tony Bat proceeds to crank a fastball off the wall, scoring the also-maligned Ryan Church (seriously, can you just suck during less important moments?) and setting up potential future battery-guy Jesus Flores's glorious double.

Yes, the ChairManny's clairvoyance was once again correct, and even if you Needham-ly slapped your head when Tony reared into his patented crouch and lurched at that first six-finger fastball from washed up circus-freak Antonio Alfonseca for one of his hilarious first-pitch strikes, you had to feel the vibrant 'tism that such a grandstanding stance would emit. The DC Optimist knew as soon as Tony took his three-to-four second avalanche of a rip that the game was changing its pace. Of course unlike some, the DC Optimist knows that the clairvoyance of Manny is never to be questioned. Not when he keeps Billy Traber in to pitch to the frustratingly unstoppable (and lamely facial-haired) Aaron Rowand, and not when he puts D'Angelo Jimenez, with his lone base hit in 2007, in to pinch hit with the game on the line. Nope, desputing the Chair's decisions is grounds for dismisssal from these grounds, as is disbelieving in the eventual steadyness of Zimmerman, the major league playing ability of Felipe, the rightfully rewarding of Ronny B, or the brilliance of the braintrust (anyone else surprised at Detwilder's sudden ass-kicking? Not here).

Regardless of the eventual outcome of the game, the Chair was correct. It's not like he's bunting with the aformentioned, wisply goateed, still annoying Rowand with the outcome in jeopardy. Nope!