Anatomy of a Knee Bruise

Shock. Horror. Suicidal Tendencies. Intoxication. Blood-curdling violent revenge thoughts. Relief. Belief. The emotional roller coaster of Saturday night's meaningless FedEx field warm up was enough to make someone who downed three Heinekens and two or three shots of Jaegermeister in F40 in a short period of time due to conscious-crushing game time parking lot traffic ruining whatever tailgate was planned, hurl. But thankfully, even though it was one of the first plays your trusted narrator witnessed live at FedEx in seats pilfered from elitist lower level season ticket holders, another, more glorious thing was witnessed. Upon the unforgivable actions of Brett Keisell and the subsequent silence that befell the crowd (save the 10,000+ unwashed West Virginians in attendance, who hooted and hollered at the sight of fireworks and running water), a noticeable aura was emitting from the seats. That aura, in a secret-like manner: 'tism. Sure dirty hits from Steelers in that likelihood usually mean certain doom for quarterbacks, and since they are usually delivered in the midst of a breakout game and perfectly delivered pass, the time seemed perfectly right/wrong for the worst to happen. But due to the united thoughts of the remainder of FedEx field's innumerable filled seats, Campbell's knee ligaments were left unharmed. Instead of a this dirty, unnecessary play in a meaningless game from a guy who likely runs over baby meerkats with a gas guzzling SUV that blasts Toby Keith from the CD player, the play lead to nothing but a bruise. We could reason this happened due to Campbell's savior-like qualities and intangible knee strength. But I think we, the crowd should be taking credit here. Instead of panicking and unleashing a murderous rampage upon every West Virginian in attendance, the crowd chanted deep inner thoughts to the silent forces that control the universe, ultimately convincing them to hold Jason's knee ligaments intact for their due trot through the gates in Phoenix for Super Bowl XLII. After those thoughts were read and the forces held their own, Jason trotted off the field unharmed, and the home team crowd was left to make jokes about Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle riding (example: Big Ben attempts to roll out and slide for a few extra yards, yet is hit, "He just flipped over a Buick!"). Yes, it was 'tism that kept this season from becoming Joe Gibbs crying over the promotion of Todd Collins from third string noodle-baller to head thrower in charge, or, worse yet, the return of three yard dumper-offer Mark Brunell, whose fourth quarter comeback on Saturday ended like many of his fourth quarter comebacks during 5-11.


But this meaningless game had no meaningful implications on the season, unless you count the return of Brandon Lloyd, the DCO's preseason comeback player of the year, who finished his seven yard ball-keeper with an emphatic goal post slam. Or you could draw meaning from the already-having-returned-to-form Redskins defense that has yet to allow an endzone dance from would-be first, second or third team offenses. Game one was about brilliant free agent acquisition London Fletcher, who speared into running backs in a manner that would leave Warrick Holdman grasping for a loose jersey on the turf. Game two was about brilliant Redskins draft pick Rocky McIntosh and his ascent to preeminence, as he layed into Stillers all night, even dropping a potential interception, very Redskins-esque.

Intelligent fans understand that while three fourth quarter field goals may have swung the final score in favor of Morgantown's favorite team, more excitement was to be felt on the skins side. And even as some lout tried to take pride in his team knocking Campbell out of the game, as this one gentleman did on the way out of the stadium, he ultimately had no effect on us, for the strong forces of 'tism understand that his feelings come from years of neglecting proper hygene in lieu of illicit actions with local wildlife.

The DCO harkens back to late last October, where during an innocuous trip to the Verizon Center for a glorious Wizards win, a luxury box (BALLIN'!) was shared with Jason Campbell. During this brief, photographed, akward exchange, could the strong forces of 'tism have transferred from its proper conduit to its most worthy benefactor? Check the evidence for yourselves:

Tonight's End Results Ultimately Mean Nothing

The Redskins lost; it means nothing, given the spectacular performances by key players. The Nationals lost; it means nothing, given the tremendous performance by the newest team member and the blindingly bright overall future of the franchise. Let the Steelers have their hollow 12-10 pre-season victory. Let the Mets have their equally hollow victory en-route to either another post-season absence or early exit. In either case, the Washington franchises turned in worthy home efforts tonight.

We recorded the Redskins' efforts more or less step-by-step in the post below, and we are impressed, most so by the defense. Again, still no touchdowns against. That includes first string, second string, third string, practice squad, and resume-preparers. Basically, it is The System, after all that doubt. The defense looks stellar. The offense looks servicable. Jason Campbell, when not being stopped short by cheap low shots to the knees, would appear to be a quarterback who can manage a championship team in the Brad Johnson mold (or, we hope, much better). In the event of said cheap low shots to the knees, Todd Collns would appear capable of picking up the slack and leading the offense down the field. In the event of Todd Collins faltering, the defense would appear to be able to hold the opposition to field goals or less, giving whatever offense takes the field ample opportunity to win. And Brandon Llloyd finally found the end zone, even if it was a pre-season game. Enough said. Rest the starters, including Jason Campbell (he of the potentially beneficial pre-season-ending bruised knee) for the next few weeks. Bring on the Dolphins and let's get this done.

The Nats. Yes, they lost again tonight. That's what, four losses in five games? Who cares? The verdict on this season is in: Complete Success. While some optimism-haters may wonder how a last-place team can claim success, we nevertheless defiantly state that they can. Sure, they're in last place, but by what margin, one game? Who out there thought it would be less than a 20-game margin? The season is already a blilnding success, with 100 losses being a very, very unlikely result. Any win from here on out is gravy, and a delicious, Thanksgiving-turkey-ish gravy at that.

Tonight they lost to the Mets, those supposed baseball gods who were destined to run away with this division anyway. The fact that the Nats have played them so tough this year is a sidenote that only pure optimists will note. Seldom have there been easy victories by any would-be NL contender against this so-called doormat. Tonight especially our boys put up a valiant fight. Carpenter and Knight documented well the umpiring travesties against the Nats, from multiple blown calls at fist base to non-balk calls that might have changed the complexion of the game.

We will not dwell on such things, however. We will let the Mets have their win on their way to ineveitable postseason heartbreak. We will instead look to bastions of 'Tism such as Wily Mo Pena, the latest potential hero addition to the Nationals's lineup. His debut box score may read 1-4, but these cold numbers will not reveal the blistering shots he hit to the outfield (one of which would have registered as a sacrifice fly, had the afforementioned balk beeen called) or his two important runs scored. More so, his line would not reveal the faith the braintrust has in his potential, in his ability to fill the left field position in a way that Ryan Church perhaps has not.

Two teams, two losses. In the end, they both won.

Skins v. Steelers

11:35 first quarter - Offense looking good. Despite the one botched snap and a pair of stuffed running plays, they're moving the ball. Two really nice first-down conversions. They even had to decline a penalty! Moss catches another for a first down. Love it.

7:30 first quarter - That first drive may have died unspectacularly, but check that defense out. Was that pressure on Big Ben (real great, clever nickname) as he threw up a bomb with Landry and Rogers ably blanketing the Steelers' receivers? Was that a quick three-and-out after a pathetic dump-off first down? Starting D continues to impress.

4:33 first quarter - That guy's a bum. I'm even too mad to check on his name right now. This is why starting players should not play in the pre-season. Nay, this is why the pre-season should be banned altogether. What nonsense. BUT, did you notice how Jason Campbell, after going down following the cheap unnecessary low hit, paused to make sure his brilliant pass was completed to Chris Cooley before grasping his knee in pain? Possible DCO Hall of Fame material. Seeing him walk off the field afterwards was encouraging. Maybe the injury will be beneficial in the Chris Samuels/Clinton Portis vein, in that it will keep him off the field for the rest of these meaningless games. Still, might want to hold on to that Palmer lad, just in case. UPDATE: The bum's name is Brett Keisel. He is the devil, and his name almost ryhmes with that word. That play (and other low cheap shots) is the real reason roughing-the-quarterback penalties are called, and not the harmless touched-after-the-ball-was-thrown calls we've seen too much of in recent years.

1:32 first quarter - BRANDON LLOYD SCORES. Great catch. The starting offense comes through, perhaps silencing some critics as they strike against that legendary Steelers' D. Jason Campbell is avenged by Todd Collins. Was Al Saunders right?

15:00 second quarter - Rocky McIntosh with the sack! Were the thousands of fans calling for his insertion into the starting lineup last year right? Campbell's knee would seem to just be bruised. Let's all be optimistic shall we?

11:26 second quarter - A 59-yard punt. Special teams would seem to be in good shape.

11:18 second quarter - Andre Carter starting some serious pressure. Rocky McIntosh finishing it. D looks better and better.

7:55 second quarter - Chris Cooley stretching out and giving the second effort for a first down in a literally useless and unnecessary game. Offense still moving the ball against godlike Pittsburgh defense. 'Tism levels rising. What say you now, target="_blank">optimism-disdaining columnists?

5:40 second quarter - Another great punt. More great kick coverage. Time to sit the starters (preferably for two-and-a-half more games. The point has been made.

2:00 second quarter - There's a nice shot of Jason Campbell not in the hospital. Rather, he's comfortably sitting on the bench. So we can all truly relax. Everything's going to be fine. See you in early September, Jason.

0:46 second quarter - Rocky comes back from another brief injury scare and is in the middle of yet another defensive break-up. Carlos Rogers shows some tackling prowess. Presumably his catching of balls hitting him in the numbers is improved as well.

0:27 second quarter - Rocky McIntosh again. A play after getting called on one of those pathetic illegal contact penalties, he gets ridiculous untouched penetration and stuffs the run. Whether the Steelers score here or not is irrelevant. The first half has seen the official resurgence of the Skins D (confirming what we saw last week).

Halftime - How many plays did Pittsburgh have inside the 15 yard line? I don't know, but it was a lot to just come away with three lousy points. Defense looks spectacular again. That's no touchdowns against the starting (or reserve, or reserve-reserve) defense so far this pre-season. The starting offense strikes and moves reasonably well a few other times. Even for wild-eyed optimists such as ourselves, it's hard to look at this first half, the meaningful part of this game, as anything other than completely successful and a cause for hope for things to come.

8:23 third quarter - Collins: nothing but poise with nothing but time to throw on a third and long. Todd Yoder: yes, he's still here. Nice run after the catch.

6:05 third quarter - Suisham connects on an anything-but-a-gimme-48-yard field goal. There's one you can't chalk up to the they-were-playing-against-the-scrubs defense argument. Just another special teams success story from tonight.

7:17 fourth quarter - Sure, it's only the backups, but it's still a nice defensive stand to limit the opposition to a field goal. Perhaps it is "The System" after all. Still no touchdowns allowed this pre-season.

1:34 fourth quarter - Whether these are third or fourth or fifth string players, it's tremendously satisfying to see the defense trying desperately to not give up a single inch on the goal line late in the fourth quarter of an ultimately worthless game. Our faith in The System may be rivaling our faith in The Plan.

Welcome Wily Mo!

The Wily Mo Pena trade has paid immediate dividends with a well-drawn walk and now a run scored against the Mets. DCO joins ex-Reds Felipe Lopez and Austin Kearns in believing Wily Mo has 40 home run potential and loves the acquisition. We hope also it might push fellow left fielder Ryan Church into pushing his performance into the .280, 20 HR range. One other thing: Jesus Flores was totally safe at first base and the John Lannan legend grows with his first major league RBI, driving in the same soon-to-be-legendary Wily Mo. One other, other thing: A Nook Logan home run is imminent these days, with a ball hit off the top of the wall the other night and a well-hit ball to left tonight that turned into a sacrifice fly. One other, other, other thing: Luis Castillo was totally out at first base. Looks like we may have another call for an umpire firing on our hands. One last other, other, other, other thing: that was as clear a pick-off at second base as I've ever seen. Ronnie was right to rage.

Matt Chico Will Be Back (plus MAO of the Week for 8-17)

Matt Chico has left us, finding himself with AAA Columbus after another rough start. Whereas his last such start hastened the triumphant return of future Cy Young winner Shawn Hill, this outing against the Mets was enough to (presumably) end his season in Washington. With Chico’s departure, we salute his brave stint in DC, one thrust upon him despite his lack of experience, and also present a Manny Acta Optimist of the Week award to his biggest supporters. It’s something of a season-achievement award that we give to the Matt Chico-sphere for their support of Chico all year long.

We appreciate the fact that they latched on to this unheard-of rookie during spring training and brought attention to the raw talent and potential that should now be so obvious to us all. We look forward to the Chico-sphere's continued support of their man as he blows his way through AAA on his way back to the majors.
With Manny dropping hints of a six-man rotation once everyone is healthy again, there will be room for Chico in the future, even with the gluttonous bounty of pitching that DC will reap in the next few years.

Despite the struggles Chico has had recently, we owe him a tip of the ‘tism cap for his mid-season finery, including perhaps the purest victory of the year, the
Independence Day brilliance. He also deserves our thanks for being the lone member of the season’s starring rotation to survive unscathed. While early on we watched John Patterson, Jason Bergmann, Shawn Hill, and Jerome Williams (remember him?) fall in quick succession, Chico somehow escaped the curse. Oddly enough, the injury-avoidance so uncommon with the Nats this season may have been his undoing, wearing him down without a trip to the DL to rest and causing him to lose some of the stuff that so baffled the Cubs on July 4th and others at other times during his dreamy mid-summer run. We feel confident that the control problems he is having are, like the minor issues with Jason Campbell's mechanics and ball protection, correctable.

Take care, Matt. See you soon.

Another Victory for The Plan

That's 20 for 20 overall and 3 for 3 for the top talents (let’s not panic about Ross Detwiler’s shaky start at Potomac shall we?). That adds up to a big-time restocking of the much-talked-about desolate minor league system. Clearly we applaud the move in getting Jack McGeary signed (and at a steak house!), but we even more applaud the way in which he was signed. A $1.8 million bonus! Take that, MLB! Where's your overly anal "slotting" system now? Sure, the Nationals aren't the only team that went over the suggested donation that baseball royalty encourages for each draft position, but it was nice to see nontheless. As we've mentioned many times before, the Nationals owe MLB no favors.

The signing is also another telling and tangible indication of how far the Nats have come as a grown-up ball club, one no longer forced to bow to the whim of 29 other major league owners. The $1.8 million to McGeary is the kind of cash-doling that would never have been allowed under repressive hive management. The team would have been lucky to come away with ten cheap draft picks if Premier Selig et all were still calling the shots. So let the royalty fume away at the (in their eyes) excessive money being spent. What can they do to this club that they already haven’t?

Not to be overlooked in all this good news is the tremendous 4-2 victory over the Chase Utley-less Phillies last night, or Tim Redding’s beautiful stroking of a double down the third base line to score a pair of runs. Or Ray King striking out back-to-back-batters with the bases loaded at a time when it seemed we might be forced to re-live the heartbreaking late inning breakdown of the night before.

Redding’s stellar pitching also shows us again the nice rotation that is building here: Shawn Hill (2.41 ERA), Joel Hanrahan (2.76), Redding (2.88), and John Lannan (3.00). Matt Chico will inevitably rebound and pull down that ERA that we don’t need to mention right at the moment.

What we can mention at the moment is a review of the teams in the rearview mirror: Houston, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, Texas, Chicago White Sox, Kansas City, Tampa Bay (not fair, really). Those slippery Marlins and their fourth-place pedestal are still a game away, but they can’t run forever. And are those the Chicago Cubs we see just coming into view at a distance of 5.5 games? But we thought they were run by manager-god Lou Pinella! How could they be slipping so? Welcome to the gutter, Lou.

Commissioner Selig, Rename This Award

Last week, Jim Bowden threw his support behind Chief Optimist Manny Acta for Manager of the Year consideration. While Bowden may be about three months late with such a statement, it is nonetheless laudable, and completely accurate. At 54-64, the Nationals could lose their last 44 games and still exceed all expectations and predictions for this season by at least 11 wins (depending on the prediction).

We’ve documented this expectation-exceeding all season long and won’t dwell on it too much here (saving most of it for a season wrap-up of expert call-outs, likely to be titled “Everyone Who Was Wrong and Should Be Fired From Their Respective Publication or Broadcast Platform or At Least Banned From Writing About or Commenting Upon Baseball”). We will instead (again) praise the job that Man Act, our leader and the partial inspiration for this blog, has done with this team, and show why we so completely agree with Bowden’s statement that Manny deserves Manager of the Year honors (The Examiner rightfully cites compelling precedent for such an honor.)

So history-defying (defining?) has his managerial debut been, that we will even take it a step further and insist that, from this point forward, MLB re-name the award in his honor. Each year MLB should present the most outstanding manager in each league with the Manny of the Year award. Deion Sanders wanted the cornerback position re-named after himself. While the overrated, front-running, contending-team-joining-then-dumping egomaniac was completely undeserving of such a distinction, Manny has proven himself, already, more than deserving. Let’s look at a few key moments from this year, moments in which Manny’s overwhelming optimism and managerial mettle contributed to the alteration of what many considered to be pre-written baseball history (badness).

June 13 vs. Baltimore (booooo). An angry Felipe Lopez looks destined to be tossed for arguing balls and strikes with the bases loaded and the game on the line. Man Act heroically dashes to the scene and pulls back his struggling infielder, whispering Spanish encouragements to him. Shortly thereafter, Felipe pulls through with the winning hit, the highlight of a glorious three-game sweep of the Orioles in Baltimore.

June 24 vs. Cleveland. The previous day, Manny watched his closer blow a ninth-inning lead, giving up a titanic home run in the process, and ultimately lose the game. Nevertheless, he restated his faith in the team, his closer, and hoped for the exact same situation in the very next game. Perhaps showing a scientific correlation between ‘tism and premonition, Manny was rewarded for his faith, as the Nats did face the exact same situation against the Indians. ChairManny stuck to his word and his plan and the Nats came away with a win.

July 26 vs. Philadelphia. Manny is ejected by an evil, and possibly drunk (on power or otherwise), umpire. Why? For defending the honor of future (DCO) Hall of Famer John Lannan and his misunderstood Phillies-seeking fastballs. While the ejection was missing the hissy-fit-inspired spectacle favored by the Lou Pinellas of the world, it nevertheless riled the Nats enough to rack up five late-inning runs en route to perhaps their most stirring victory of the year in front of a typically hostile Philly crowd.

It’s been the same theme all year long: avoiding disaster and pulling out unexpected victories, fending off the naysayers and optimism-haters just when they were most ready to pounce. The team was 1-8 and 9-25, so they went on a month and a half winning binge (followed by a brief June lull, followed by more winning). They were supposed to be the silent side act to someone else’s night, so they stole a win, never minding that nobody would ever remember it. Even as recently as Sunday afternoon they showed their logic-defying resilience, putting up 7 runs in two innings on the red-hot Diamondbacks to avoid a sweep. It all goes back to the manager.

More than any specific instance, though, we should be talking about the Disabled List. Look at this thing. Look at all the pitchers! It’s been like that for months. In a real world, Alleged Awful Team + Injury-Riddled Pitching Staff = 130 losses. In Manny’s world, such things = Legitimate Shot at .500. Who else could possibly be worthy of the newly refurbished Manny of the Year Award? This temper-tantrum-throwing idiot with his incredibly novel kick-dirt-on-the-umpire routine? Get lost. If Man Act doesn’t end up as a nominee, it would be MLB’s greatest travesty since Bud Selig, steroids, the Montreal/San Juan Expos, a tied All-Star game, a cancelled World Series, and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

Initial Panic and a Call for Calm

In a confounding swing of the ‘tism pendulum, it would seem that admitted antagonist and optimism-hater-in-recovery Mike Wise is in the process of trading places with two-time MAO of the Week winner Tom Boswell. The telling evidence can be found in each’s assessment of the Redskins’ 14-6 preseason victory over the Titans on Saturday night.

We’ll start with Boswell’s column, written as he inexplicably continues to ignore the surging team playing in the Redskins crumbling old home (actually, we should probably say surging TEAMS; see, we still pay attention to the other footballers). This rather depressing entry into Boz’s portfolio reads like a pre-season Redskins’ surrender. It’s the kind of all-hope-is-lost-right-off-the-bat reactionism we’ve previously seen elsewhere.

Frankly, we expected more from Boz. Every time he seems to be letting a little light of ‘tism into the conversation, he shuts the door with a flood of negativity (we’ll hold back on “optimism-hating”). He says, “Yes, it’s only one meaningless preseason game” (yes it is) then follows that statement with, “…it’s probably not too early to start worrying” (yes it is). He essentially attributes the dominance of the Redskins’ starting defense solely to the absence of super-QB Vince Young. Apparently, Young alone would have shredded the ‘Skins secondary and “no-show” Sean Taylor. He would have run straight through the highly effective Laron Landry and London Fletcher.

The key omission on the not-playing topic, of course, was how a healthy Chris Samuels would have picked up some of those missed blocks Boz bemoaned, or how a playing Clinton Portis would have added the necessary flair to the running game to get Ladell Betts past those six yards on four carries our suddenly ‘tism-disliking (not quite hating) columnist seemed vexed over. Such things clearly would have led to multiple Redkins' offensive scores, taking one less arrow out of the Quiver of Knee-Jerk Panic Boz apparently has slung over his shoulder. Speaking of those injured Redskins, there is a place for them in the column as well, framed as yet another preseason disaster, even though such injuries have already been proven as unworthy of our panic.

To be completely fair, Boswell comes around a little towards the end, praising the Redskins’ “energy” and the stoic play of Todd Collins (even though early in the column he derided such late-game heroics as meaningless because of the usual “third-stringers-and rookies” circumstances). He refers to the victory as a baby step, which is kind of nice, but it’s still hard to get past the overwhelming sense of (unwarranted) dread oozing from every paragraph prior.

Mike Wise, on the other hand, presented a change of pace as refreshing as a lime popsicle (I’m eating a lime popsicle). From the man who earlier this month confessed to getting a kick out of “contributing to the insecurity of any team’s core fan base” came a column urging, of all things, patience. Patience with Jason Campbell (“let’s not be rash” he said; are you listening, Tom?). Patience with the pass protection/run blocking (putting Chris Samuels injury in the proper frame of reference, again!). Wise spent a good deal of the column’s space dealing specifically with Campbell’s past successes, and his continuing drive for self-improvement, which is balanced nicely with his refusal to get down on himself over a rough performance.

Campbell’s level head and bright-future-gazing attitude come through near the end, as he declared that some of last year’s debacles “happened for a reason” and that they were merely meant to “prepare us for something greater.” Regular DCO readers will have no trouble figuring out what something greater is.

What does all this mean? That the universe is being torn asunder because out of nowhere Mike Wise is semi-embracing ‘tism and Thomas Boswell appears to be shunning it in the same way he is suddenly shunning baseball columns, his true love? Partially, yes. But in a more important sense it means that (here it comes) for now we should mold our attitudes towards this initial preseason game after those of Mike Wise, and drop the Boswell-like panic-mongering like memories of a 5-11 record.

Even More Unlikely MAO of the Week (8-10)

Last weekend was a tough weekend for those of us in the 'tism territory of the Washington Capital Area. While we had the best team in the National League to prop up our spirits with their drubbings of inferiors and their timely camera muggings, we also had to witness the greatest travesty the NFL has ever bestowed upon us. No, not the Carolina Panthers' uniforms, no, not Paul Maguire, nor the NFL network becoming a premium channel. No, the travesty we speak of involves the induction of a certain, non-deserving, scum-of-the-earth individual into the hallowed halls of football's greatest players. During this celebration of football greatness, we had to witness this individual — whom was fired from television for being not only unwatchable, but also a noted regular drug user and racial stereotype purveyor — speak of his accomplishments in front of the camera. We had to witness this person's face encased in bronze in a sculpture likely based on his vast collection of post-arrest mug shots. We had to hear fawning praise from yapping (balding) heads who chuckled heartily on camera at his antics. In short, we witnessed a perversion of sports right-ery.

What made the induction of this degenerate all the more dubious, was the oversight of a much more worthy, much less detrimental, never-before arrested wide receiver who continues to receive a snub-like treatment from the band of ravenous reporters who treat things like "objectivity" like it's a side of honey mustard when their ham-and-cheese opinions are the served lunches of their reportage. There is no need to again prop up the case for Art Monk to be in the Hall of Fame. More glorious, better-researched reports from exquisite individuals have handled this portion of the snubbery with aplomb. What is important is to note how the efforts of these individuals are finally doing their just-cause, and the "reporters" who finally realize the errors in their snubs ought to be credited for finally abandoning their 'tism-hating.

Like Mike Wise before him, Sports Illustrated's Paul Zimmerman (aka Dr. Z) usually justifies his 'tism hating with terrible humor, and a desire to ruffle feathers. He is noted by the unbelievably comprehensive Art Monk Hall of Fame Campaign blog as a "Probably No" vote in Monk's campaign, affixing such low-brow, unresearched opinions as "catching 800 8-yard hooks doesn't do it for me." Yet due to the steady righteousness of Art Monk backers and the everlasting 'tism that this area cannot shake, it seems like Dr. Z has changed face. And for his change of heart, we are rewarding Z with our 8-10 Manny Acta Optimist (MAO) of the Week.

In his latest Dr. Z Mailbag, Zimmerman states that his previously short-sighted opinion was a bit on the under-researched side.

"Maybe it's time to take a closer look at that rather supercilious [800
8-yard hooks] observation. Maybe a player who has drawn such a loyal
following, year in year out, deserves more serious consideration."

Well, yeah Dr. Z, this should actually go without saying when it comes to inducting individuals into the hall of fame. I mean, if we are to select the greatest individuals from certain areas, especially those that possessed world records prior to a change in offensive philosophies throughout the league, we need to delve deeper than their — as you note "boring" — statistics. But I digress.

Maybe we should be a little more upset that it took years of consistent needling from lobbyists in the Monk camp before Zimmerman would do a tiny ounce of extra research, but comments like these leave us elated. As most know, these objectivity-hating reporters have been slamming Canton's door in Monk's face mostly because he never spoke to them after games. Prefering to leave the attention-whoring to the drug-cultured, Monk eschewed interviews, ruffling the feathers of guys who want to berate performances in print. Aparently, a transgression of this magnitude speaks more volumes than, say, holding cocaine parties during the season. And with Chris Carter's eligibility arriving, it will take a strong push to get Monk into Canton, even if Monk still has better numbers than (BOLDED FOR EMPHASIS) EVERY WIDE RECEIVER ALREADY IN THE HALL. First Peter King was swayed through the help of Joe Gibbs amongst the other faithful. Now with Dr. Z in the fold, induction could be imminent.

We thank Dr. Z for realizing the error in his biases and look forward to August of 2008, when side by side, Darrell Green and Art Monk, donning yellow sportcoats, will be showing off their bronzed mugs in Ohio. Even the debacle of Last Saturday can be forgiven when that scene takes place.