MAO 6-8: The Plan Fruitioning

Yesterday the Nationals had their third-ever MLB draft, selecting sixth overall, and several other times in the early rounds, boosting their burgeoning farmlands in Potomac with high-grade live armstock, maintaining the youth-based focus of The Plan™ and promoting grassroots success that was slashed and burned to the core by neglectful hive ownership. Attempting to yield crops from what was a cut, burned and salted landscape is something that takes strongminded, level-headed and strategic decision making. And based on the superbly bright prognosticating regarding the eight nicely bred young men chosen by all of the deciding parties, we have named the Nationals' brain trust as this week's MAO of the Week.

DCO's favorite writer and constant purveyor of 'tism, Tom Boswell was on hand to pick the brains of the trust, noting that their mutual excitement over each of the picks was contagious, and despite the lack of Red Bulls for the fantastically excitable General Manager Jim Bowden, this swarm of 'tism was exquisite and should never go unchecked. We would first of all like to commend the Boz for attempting to throw our requested four letters into his column, for we noticed that they were obviously clipped from the final print of the Post by overzealous, under-rested copy editors whom recognize no word unless it has been listed in Merriam-Webster's 11th. We would like to extend a thank-you for the (sorta) shout out to the Boz, whose report of the Nats's head-people-in-charge and their assurrance that all picks were top-of-their-list good, delivered this nugget of 'tism that was especially exciting.

Every team falls in love with its own picks and thinks its rankings are smarter
than anybody else's. But by nightfall, the Nats' front office practically needed
sedation. According to President Stan Kasten, the team's top three picks,
including Burgess, the 49th pick, were in the Nats' top 20. "There was a big
cheer when we knew we'd get Burgess," Kasten said. Even pick Nos. 67 and 70 were
graded in Washington's top 30. "You have to discount any team's enthusiasm,"
Kasten said. "But we're really happy."

No enthusiasm is discounted in these parts, Mr. Kasten. And the aforementioned Michael Burgess, whose bat power is already approaching legendary status (473-foot home run over the 60-foot-high center field wall in Sarasota's Smith Stadium), shall now be known as the Meaty Legend, for his hearty, five different types of swine approach to the plate. Looks like The Plan™ will be working out just fine for the Nationals, whom with the sixth overall pick took Missouri State lefty Ross Detwiler, a brilliant pick, whose franchise-uplifting potential mirrors another impressive sixth overall pick by a neighboring franchise. With number 31, the Nats grabbed Georgia High School lefty Josh Smoker, who has hack sportscenter announcers salivating at the possible highlight package calls. Headline writers too are eagerly anticipating their first "Smoker Lit Up" or "Smoker Chokes" upon the emergence of this fire-metaphor attached baseball player.

What is equally great about getting such spectacular raw talent in the draft this year is pairing them with an equally spectacular manager. Again taking the time to punish laziness as if it were candy-reaching four-year olds, Acta's benching of his near-progeny in Felipe Lopez is again proof that he's the best. And never would we neglect to mention this legendary clash with the Times' beat(down) writer Mark Zuckerman, where the ChairManny not so much as preaches the 'tism gospel as he enforces it. Kudos to you Manny. For even with a slightly less successful homestand, running out grounders is uber-important. Manager Acta knows that if we are going to fall, we are going to fall the right way, "like an American."

The Master of 'Tism

DCO was privileged enough to speak with chief optimist Manny Acta last night prior to the Nationals' wild (pitch) ninth-inning win over the Pirates and their handful of transplanted fans. From our brief conversation, it is clear that ManAct keeps 'tism close to his heart. It is doubtlessly this love of optimism and, perhaps more importantly, disdain for pessimism, that has kept his team so together this season. More specifically, this attitude certainly must have contributed to the Nats keeping their heads up and pulling out a win last night, even as aspiring 'tism-crusher Adam LaRoche was erasing what was a cushy Nationals lead with his blast over the center field wall in the eighth inning. Some of those lesser teams that we've heard so much about may have crumbled, or fought each other, but not this alleged lesser team.

Optimism-haters and naysayers may attempt to chalk this one up to the usual suspects of poor competition (multiple ninth-inning walks) and dumb luck (ninth-inning, bases-loaded wild pitches), but that is of course nonsense. If not for the relentless positive attitude permeating every pore of the Nats dugout, it's likely these things would never have happened. 'Tism is not merely some freaky intangbile force, it is a practical tool that begets tangible results. Think about it. A manager blowing up at his team that just wasted a late-inning lead will send tense, and possibly angry, batters to the plate. These batters may flail away in frustration, trying to end the game themselves. However, a manager who keeps his cool and encourages his possibly shell-shocked team sends patient, confident batters to the plate, who fight back from 0-2 holes to reach base, and who don't foul off the wild pitch headed for the backstop.

Off-topic, a note to the Pirates fan who yelled "How many wins ya got?" at celebrating Nats fans last night. The answer is 24, only one fewer than those mighty Pirates, who ply the treacherous waters of the NL Central, with its one whole team playing above .500. A fine argument after a loss, sir. Let us revisit this topic in a couple of years, when The Plan has come to full fruition.

We appreciate the Master of 'Tism speaking to us, and appreciate even more that other managerial candidates made it clear early in the offseason that they did not want to come to a "non-contender" (instead choosing a mediocre pretender), opening the door for the Chair Manny era.

Lebron James: Bad for Basketball, Worse for Rap

Many a sports columnist has been singing the praises of Lebron James recently, now that he has scowled and whimpered his way through the relatively competitive (but not really), Eastern Conference and reached the first NBA Finals in both his and his decrepit franchise's existence. However, unlike those finger-waggers who see this corporate-addled, personality-free, anointed-by-way-of-Nike ballhog as such a wonderful thing for their pre-teens to emulate when compared to the petulence, single-mindedness and indecisiveness of Kobe Bryant, the DC Optimist feels differently. We see Lebron's faceless coroporate branding as just as detrimental to this league as Kobe's transgressions. And despite being able to weed through the talentless (or superstar player-less) Eastern half of the NBA without Shaq, we still see him as no better than the much-maligned Bryant. In fact, it appears that Lebron has taken his constant comparison to Kobe a bit too far, and as a result, "Main Attraction," Lebron's first professional forray into rap music has occurred. Why aren't the finger-waggers getting mad about this record the way they just about lost their minds when Allen Iverson, an MVP-holder who took his team to the finals in the East did the same thing some six years ago? Well that is where we come in. This record is terrible. And here is a list of reasons why it has made Lebron a terrible "face" of the NBA. Shame on you, Mr. James.

1. Why include Paul Wall, the highly-entertaining car-rapper from Houston, Lebron? What, no Ray Cash? Why's that Bron? A Desire to play for Rick Adelman and Yao in H-Town maybe? Also, Mr. Unselfish does little to assist Paul Wall's ragged verse where he's "commentating like Stuart Scott." I don't want to hear the real Stuart commentate, Paul, please reference Steve Buckhantz instead. Also, with Paul Wall being melanin-deficient, why include him over a promintent black rapper?

2. Unlike Kobe's masterpiece K.O.B.E., this track neglects the usage of a finely-voiced R&B superstar like Tyra Banks, instead leaving the hook-singing to 'Bron (in a ballhog sort of manner). The results? Ragged screaming-esque chants meant to mimic rappers from New Orleans (hmm, playing alongside good buddy Chris Paul in that party city down south sound more enticing that being in Cleveland, which could use a hurricaine, frankly). "Got a lotlotlotlota dough?" Sounds like a me-first, contract-year type player to me.

3. I have a problem with the whole "Viscious with the Pivot, See me handlin' the wheel/Many critics predicted, I can handle the pill." Really? Because I think that pivot, three step, pump move, which is illegal, yet uncalled, is not viscious. It is fundementally incorrect and wrong for children to mime themselves after this, depending on wayward-looking officials. Do we want our children to mimic criminals because they get away with it?

4. Another intimation that Lebron hates his supposed residence in Cleveland: "Can't Help that I shine/Attracted to the sun rays." Hmmm, then why would he want to reside in a city known for having no sunlight? Wouldn't he rather be chilling in Miami with Shaq and them, like Mike Wise says everyone does?

5. "I mean I got dimes/like Sprite got lemon-limes." I guess all kids should be sexually promiscuous when they become NBA superstars. Pretty terrible things for children to hear. Cute inclusion of your corporate sponsors by the way, you lackey. Maybe all children should consume this highly-sugared poison when obesity has turned into a global epidemic.

6. And the biggest transgression: "A businessman, nah, My name is a name brand/perfecting my game plan/my name is a name brand." The whole repeating-the-last-line twice schtick went out when Mike Jones's phone line went dead, but the reason this line is terrible is that Lebron, is still completely focused on maintaining this sort of coporate presence before all else. We pointed this out before. Why should we cheer for a corporation?

The DC Optimist hopes Lebron drops the mic as soon as possible, for children, basketball, maybe even the city of Cleveland are all in trouble if it continues. And the sad fact remains that this corporate tycoon, hell-bent on ruining the good values that basketball promotes, continues to be worshipped by terrible mainstream media columnists.

(big ups to blastmaster on the hook up)

YOU'RE WELCOME BOZ. LOVE: Your Muses. Now a favor...

Dear Boz;

Thanks for all of the awesomes in your alloted baseball column space. We may feel slighted that you—possibly through the Post's kick-ass technorati links on your column— read a spectacular DCO post about ChairManny and had it influence this recent opus. Your public displays of 'tism (PDT) have been so very wonderful that we feel honored to serve as your muse. We may get a little testy with you as we do with everyone we love (like Antawn Jamison). But we are not bitter that you, unlike Bog-god Steinberg, haven't given us props yet. 'tism is bound to become a worldwide phenomenon, thanks in part to the contributions of our readers, but it's still on the low-low. All we ask for in return for hooking you up with ideas to run with, aiding your union-backed, chunky salary, is one word. We think it's time for the 'tism to erupt like exploding manhole covers in the District. We think it's time for you to simply add the four letter word that is on everyone's lips to your next column, how about the one you are very likely compiling regarding Dmitri Young, the greatest hitter of all time. In this column, we beg of you, say "tism," and not in a clever word-find sort of way where you write "Maybe the problem with Levale Speigner's sporadic pitching is a latent case of autism," or subliminally spell it out in a sentence like: "His bat is magnificent." No, we want more. Write that the Nats are just "bursting with 'tism."

You could even mention us on Washington Post Live. Littles is our homey, he'll remind you. Maybe you can be in the middle of raising your voice at optimism-hater Sally Jenkins about how Lebron isn't Kobe because he plays in a vastly inferior conference, and he is just as much of a teammate bus-thrower-under and whiney brat delivered from scrutiny by terrible officiating, and then you simply say it. That's all we ask for. Since getting on the blog show is out of the question unless we are accused of leering at teenagers (our eyes are for Kelli Johnson only, you can tell her that), or the Deuce of Davenport, (DING!), we need this exposure. We'll even give you new tags so you can easily get to our coverage of you (see below). So please, just say it, you owe us.

Thanks again;

Bob, c/o The DC Optimist

Dmitri Young, the best hitter ever? (and we are the MAO [6-1] too!)

Apparently, in the hallowed history of the Washington Nationals, no hitter has ever been as spectacular as D-Meat Hook, who in two consecutive games has laced 8 straight base hits. While the rest of the world was pointing and laughing at the Nats bats during the aberration of a 2-game skid where zero total runs were scored (and Dmitri sat out with a back injury), the Nats geared up and swung their way to two wins after the fact. By winning 7 of the past 10, we can officially ignore that little slump. In fact, it may be time to basically say that Dmitri is the hitter that the Nats and Thomas Boswell should be willing to open up the bank, Angelos style for.

We here at the DC Optimist are in the party that ignores the prospect of trading hot-streaking, clubhouse-gluing, (not wife-beating), second helping-eating players for marginally talented prospects (Matt Chico not included). If the optimism-haters have their way, and he is dealt to a supposed “win-now” team, we may not see much more of Ronnie Belliard’s prodigious girth and equally thick stick waddling around second base, lacing in game-winning singles. That bothers us, not simply because we love Ronnie and Dmitri’s on-the-field and in-the-restaurant contributions, but because we feel that the Nats can win now, and that we can cause these events to occur.

That is why in a week where the DC Optimist is relatively busy with events that occur in a different time zone, we have declared ourselves, and our beloved readers as the belated MAOs of the Week. In the last DCO post, we urged our 30+ per day readers to picture Nick Johnson fighting off pitches from bald Atlanta Braves pitchers, thereby enhancing the slowly churning red and white blood cells in his leg and speeding up his return to the lineup. It appears that our “thoughts” have been heard, for Nick is back in the cages, fighting off batting cage pitch after batting cage pitch, waiting for that hanging curve. It is only a matter of time before our positive thoughts lead this merry band of players whose batting averages are as swollen as their waistlines to the playoffs. This time, loyal readers, set the stage for your Nick Johnson vision in the first round of the playoffs, where those annual choke-stars in Atlanta attempt to foil our good faith. THINK ABOUT IT.

The Secret to the DC Optimist's Success

Many recently have wondered, what is it exactly that powers those brilliant insights over at the DC Optimist. While the rest of the planet and maybe Mars were all gathering their reasons for the Nats to have the worst record ever in recorded organized baseball history, we were thinking not. And you know what? We were right. When everyone was jumping on the surgically repaired shoulder-padded backs of Redskins players whom didn't report to Organized Team Activities, the DCO stood tall and refused to accept their absences as anything more than procedural. We were right again. And when the DC Optimist predicted a competitive series between the Wizards and the Cavs, we were again on the money. So what exactly makes our insights so overwhelmingly on-point? Well, it's a secret, a secret now known by over five million book and DVD purchasers across the globe. It's a secret that was shared by Oprah to her legions of bawling fans on not one, but TWO episodes. That secret of course is The Secret, a self-helpish book that believes in the ultimate destiny behind positive thinking. To paraphrase this scripture-like tome, the universe can understand your inner-most thoughts. Therefore to control the future of yourself and the things around you, you simply think of wonderful things happening! So when the Nationals began their glorious season by getting smoked by the fish, the DCO went to work, compiling positive thoughts in a manner that would ultimately lead the Nats to prove optimism-haters wrong. See, it's that simple.

Chair-Manager Acta has also participated in The Secret's success, no doubt using it to secure his first ever major league managing position by thinking of Joe Girardi with a headset on, then thinking of nurturing tortured free agent shortstop pickups followed by envisioning himself smiling. A couple of months later and he's donning the red W cap in Southeast. When his team was getting shelled in both the press and the box scores, Manny again went to work with the Secret teachings, professing their power in the form of positive quotations culled from other treacly self-help books. These quotes ended up manifesting themselves into a wildly successful run that has neutralized just about all of the worst-team-evar talk and instead has everyone believing in the plan.

Now that we have proven how spectacular the power of positive thinking is, it is time to go to work fellow optimists. The editor of The Secret, Rhonda Byrne simply thought about positive vision and then no longer needed her glasses! Loyal Oprah-ists have even used the power of the secret to forego breast cancer treatments. If we together can convince those magical universal controllers to heal the slowly mending fibers of Nick Johnson's leg, maybe we can envision this silky-smooth swinging first baseman anchoring the cleanup spot in the Nats' lineup. After the freak collision with Austin Kearns caused the injury last year, trainers guaranteed a healthy Nick by opening day. But they did not forsee his leg taking it's sweet time to heal, kind of like the Mystics taking their sweet time to figure out how to win. So now I want you all to work with me, just picture big #24 in those majestic block red letters warming up in the on-deck circle at RFK. Picture as he fouls off two nasty Tim Hudson splitters to make the count 0-2, drawing a yokelling praise from Don Sutton. Then picture the dead-eyed hazel blues just laying off of two more low and away fastballs to even the count. An inside forkball is fisted off for another foul. Hudson, suddenly flustered, according to Bob Carpenter tries to fire one past big Nick, but NO, Johnson rips one off the wall in left. Nook Logan comes around to score and the Nationals have won another series against the Braves, as the stands bounce and the people of Atlanta continue to not care. Just place those lovely images in your head (and not those other ones about Kelli Johnson, you brute), and soon the key to the Nats' lineup will return. Now I am going to starting thinking about the Blog Show...

(Don't think we have neglected your contributions, optimism-haters. We just know that ignoring you is key.)

The Chorus of Defiance

Maybe you too have been riding the high-cresting wave of 'tism that is sweeping through RFK stadium after the Nats brilliant trip through the depths of the NL Central. Sure it came to a bit of a crashing halt last night by way of Brad Penny's mullet and Juan Pierre's slapping, but ever since overcoming injuries to 80 percent of their starting rotation, harnessing the untamed dance that is the Chico sideways fastball and withstanding the plague of the Speigner, the Nats are the talk of the town.

Playing the muse to frequent DCO topic Thomas "milky whiteness" Boswell, the Nats, with "more wins than the Yankees," have inspired one of the most compelling pieces of 'tism yet to be printed this season. It's only fitting that Boz's latest 'tism opus, where "The Plan" is praised, Matt Chico is "promising," Shaun Hill is Brandon Webb, and Hanrahan, Fruto and Ballester are big-upped, comes on the heels of his 3,472,387,013,478th bashing of the Baltimore franchise and their clatch of whiny overpaid oft-injured "pieces." It is pretty sweet that Ted Lerner isn't mortgaging off one of his grossly overpriced high-rises in Bethesda for the services of forgettables like Aubrey Huff, David Segui, Albert Belle and Will Clark, instead relishing in the dreg-tastic goodness of Mike Bacsik, Jason Simontacchi, Dmitri Young et al. Of course Boz pleads for the organization to open checkbooks come '07 for the always ballyhooed, yet never fruitioning free agent class. The DCO, never one to stray from The Plan, say, forget that. Look again at the Yankees (and again look at their worse record than the Nats), who have consistently added checkbook-crunching free agents to their glam-rock lineups only to have them suck, get hurt, get caught, or get hated on. Big-dollar free agency in baseball has worked in very very few instances, and the names of such bustaroonies as Vaughn (both Gregg and Mo), Pavano, Drieford, Ashby, etc. all ring a lot louder than Pedro Martinez (and that is not counting his brilliant days in Queens, right Mets fans?).

Another reason why the Nats are/will be better than the O's is the presence of a much more awesome manager, possibly even the greatest manager in the history of baseball, Manager Acta. I think more praise needs to be heaped on Manny for stitching this lineup together, something Sam Perlozzo can't do with six available outfielders all whimpering and dugout-slapping. ChairManny benches negligent powerhitters for not gutting out groundouts, seeing the efforts blossom into productive seasons. ChairManny knows when to pull strugglers like Speigner after two innings of hittable pitches, unlike Perlozzo, who was way to slow to touch the hand while Dannys Baez was on the mound tossing BP pitches in one-run games. This is how Manny Acta is treated in his hometown. This is how Perlozzo is.

Another Series Win (Ryan Langerhans!)

Almost three weeks ago, with loses mounting and optimism-haters basking in the Nats' misery, peppering columns and broadcasts with snippy comments about this being the Worst Team of All Time, DCO fought against the tide, guaranteeing, to the derision of some, that these Nationals would not lose 100 games. Following that statement, Washington has a record of 12-6, putting them on pace to lose ONLY 95 games. Throw out that pesky little let's-get-our-feet-wet 1-8 start, and they surely would be dancing with a .500 record right now. That's a far cry from the much-referenced 120-loss potential of this team.

The Nationals even match up with the MLB-leading Red Sox and NL-leading Mets in this wondrous post-May 9 stretch. Boston is 12-4 and New York is 12-5; pretty good company. Teams not in this good company include the Braves (7-10), Orioles (8-9), Cardinals (7-9), and Marlins (8-10). Yes, yes, all teams have up and down times during a season, but who really thought the Nats would at ANY time have a prolonged streak of consistent winning such as this. If this team finishes within sniffing distance of .500, it would be absolutely criminal if Manny Acta did not receive Manager of the Year honors. Possibly written off in some quarters as an overly optimistic first-year manager, Acta kept the clubhouse from splintering in those tough early weeks and has led the team to overachieve ever since, constantly relying on cast-offs and after-thoughts the whole time. Who else in MLB has gotten so much out of what was thought to be so little. Maybe it's too much to expect that he keep this up for four more months, but we couldn't call ourselves DC Optimist if we expected otherwise.

It's also worth pointing out how unexpected contributions continue to be the norm with this team. It's already been postulated elsewhere that the arrival of Ryan Langerhans ushered in this era of good feeling, but today we have the first tangible evidence that he could be a key piece here. His eigth-inning grand slam was as unexpected as it was desperately needed, and provided a cushion that kept this game from being close the rest of the way.

Not wishing to jinx this current run, DCO will, for the moment, refrain from guaranteeing the Nationals will not lose 90 games, but you never know...

Austin!

Austin Kearns just made likely the greatest catch of his career, robbing Jim Edmonds of at least a double in the bottom of the 6th against the Cardinals. After sliding into the concrete base of the left field wall, he even managed to double up a runner at first base. His 2 for 3 performance at the plate (well, 2 for 4 now) rounds out a fine evening nicely. Things are looking good for the Nats again, as they are for the most part capitalizing on having runners on base.

Kearns is turning into a nice story that we hope will become the norm for this club. When he was traded here from the Reds last season, it was widely reported that he was miserable in Washington, and it looked like it could be another one-and-done deal a la Alfonso Soriano (less than one, really). However, after offseason conversations with Nats management, Kearns has bought into what the team is trying to build, and has signed on for the long haul.

It's a nice contrast from the results of an MLB players' poll (taken before the start of the season) in the recent issue of Sports Illustrated. The poll asked players which team they would rather play for other than their own. The only team not to receive a vote was Washington. Kearns is at least one vote against that sentiment. With a bright future and the infectious and unflappable optimism of manager Manny Acta, the Nationals will likely win further converts and, again, disappoint those who predict, and hope for, their failure.