Philadelphia 'Tism?

As a former resident and permanent hater of the city of Philadelphia, I feel the need to check in on the city's various shortcomings through the fantastic free paper Philadelphia Weekly. In addtion to providing copious LOLs via Atheist British arse Steven Wells, PW features a lovingly viscious weekly comic strip by Jay Bevenour called "Hoagie Dip" that takes to task the city and its various happenings. With the city of brotherly love extending their affections towards recent DCO Hall of Famer John Lannan, we were pleasantly startled to find this rare nugget of 'tism being broadcast from that disparate metropolis north of us. Check out the third pannel of Bevenour's latest:

Many may think that this strip is another in the long line of self-deprecative, whoa-are-us humor stylings of Philadelphia Sports fans meant to elicit some sort of remorse for their sports miseries despite them being loutish jerks who pollute local sporting venues with vomit-colored jersey-wear. But the DC Optimist reads this not as humor, but as pertinent analysis of the Nationals' brilliant future-gazing and prospects-culling. We too see this sort of event occurring in the future for the brilliant Nats lefty who remains undefeated in his first three starts. His unprecedented ascent from single-A ball to the majors is a magnificent story in and of itself, and this type of recognition is to be expected.

The John Lannan wing of the yet-to-be-erected DC Optimist Hall of Fame building continues to grow. Next to an enlarged reproduction of this strip, the wing will feature video replays of the live Sportscenter interruptions of scheduled programming that broadcasted Barry Bonds failing in three plate appearances to register a home run against Lannan. We are also looking into obtaining Chase Utley's x-ray photos for an animated montage of his fate-full plunk.

NATS WIN, MOVE INTO FOURTH PLACE AS LOPEZ, KEARNS, AND SCHNEIDER HOMER

The Great Climb continued late last night, and those of us who missed the end of the game woke up this morning to see the Nationals and the Marlins with identical records as they wrestle for control of the coveted penultimate position in the NL East. We were also treated to a lovely box score with highlights such as Felipe Lopez, Austin Kearns, and Brian Schneider home runs, and a late-inning comeback by the Nats to steal the win.

In other, perhaps bigger news, Chris Schroder picked up his first career win, John Rauch reached 20 Holds, and Chard Cordero bounced back from the previous night's blown save to shut the Giants down in the 9th. Starting pitcher Mike Bacsik, despite walking away with a no-decision after five innings of work, unselfishly said afterwards, "I'm excited because we won the game." He also said, perhaps referring to the stunning way in which the Nationals have defied expectations this year and surged from 9-25 to fourth place, "Now I'm linked forever in baseball history to this achievement." Indeed. Finally, showing an admirable desire for constant self-improvement, Bacsik stated, "So now my next goal is to win 20 games and be an all-star like Al Downing." Best of luck, Mike.

Manny also got caught up in the moment, saying, perhaps also in reference to the continuing climb from despondency to fourth-place glory, "I kind of knew that it wasn't going to be an easy year for whoever was managing here with everything surrounding the history-making..." You've handled it well, Manny. He also said of Dmitri Young, who was nice enough to heap some random praise on Ken Griffey Jr. after the game, "He's legit. He's a good guy." He sure is.

Felipe Lopez, who we feared might have been the next starter to visit the disabled list because of a minor injury earlier this week, was clearly thrilled to just be playing and to be part of this resurgence. In theory he could have been speaking of his dramatic third-inning home run that got the Nats on the board when he commented, "I had goosebumps. It was awesome." We feel the same way.

Now that the Marlins are reeled in (get it?), there are only the half-game-away Cardinals to catch before the longer climb to the upper half of the NL, that golden land filled with Contenders and falling Pretenders.

Report: Wizards Not Doomed

Redskins training camp has had the easy going nature of a workplace team-building session, complete with trust-falls, friendship-buildings, and early closures. The Nationals are tearing through the National league, reeling off consecutive wins and propelling out of the basement as if they were networking bloggers. With all of this goodness surrounding the DC sports scene, why have there been such negative attitudes towards the most playoff-prolific of the local franchises, the Washington Wizards?

All of a sudden, after a future-gambling, cap-crunching importing of Kevin Garnett to the Boston Celtics, everyone's favorite big three seems tiny to some in comparison. Foreign commodity Juan Carlos Navarro couldn't be given a contract without sacrificing Abe Pollin's precious luxury tax dollars and was subsequently dealt to Memphis for...something. Andray Blatche, looking at a new contract and the opportunity to break out into the KG-molded player we all see in him, slipped into the Chris Webber-molded player that we all hoped we wouldn't see in him by making it rain on a undercover police officer posing as a prostitute, leading to a much-blogicized arrest. Deshawn Stevenson was retained for that reasonable contract we all hoped for, but the move has occasional Wizard-noticer Michael Wilbon, amongst other disgruntled, asking whether Navarro would be a better option. And our favorite venerable Wizards' beat writer Ivan Carter is dealing with internet threats being placed on his totally awesome blog entries (if only the DCO received such threats, after all, the haterz is our motivation).

Issues like these may have a less optimistic person worried that the playoffs, where the Wizards have become accustomed to attending, may be out of reach. It may cause them to worry that Carter, seemingly losing his sanity, will cease giving us updates on exactly which picks the Wizards won't get for Navarro, and instead spend his off-time shopping for on-air shirts with Mike Wise, thus dissapointing the internets as a whole. But as you may have noticed, this place is never less optimistic about anything. Herein, we discuss why these minor issues will have no effect on the Wizards continuing their motoring-to-the-top ways, eschewing these distractions, building for the future, and continuing to provide Ivan Carter with spectacular internet posting material (seriously, try asking players the tough questions yourself before you go dissing Ivan, nerdz).

1) The Ballyhooed Garnett deal: The C's finally returning to some sort of eminence is a nice balancing out of a league, and having to deal with Garnett crying on camera about his loyalties and blah blah blah was also irritating, so we welcome this deal. However, we can't simply annoint KG, with new teammies Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, as the best trio in the eastern conference right this second, nor can we immediately place them above the Wiz on our scientific ranking systems. Unlike the KG-Allen-Pierce combo, the Wizards' big three (Caron, Antawn and Gilbert), have had two seasons of togetherness. Does chemistry count for anything on the basketball court (Seriously Hollinger, "glorified Wizards?" They will be lucky to touch the highest scoring trio in the league)? Carter, who has taken to balling with NBA players on occassion might say yeah. After all, it usually took a few games early in the season for the Wizards to engender new teammates into their systems. This will not need to occur in 07-08, for the chemistry will already be bubbling from their first place mid-finish last year.* Does this Garnett move resurrect the east? Maybe, but we feel like the ressurrection was in the midst of occuring last year*, until an unknown, unholy being decided that 2007 would not be the year glory would bestow itself in Chinatown. Speaking of injuries, how many games have Pierce and Allen combined to miss in the last two seasons? Everyone knows what happens when two of the big three are missing, even though everyone should have forgotten.

2) The Navarro deal: Juan, A second rounder whose decision to come stateside was ill-timed to say the least, will net the Grun-trust at least a first rounder sometime in the near future. This is a prodigious gain, frankly. Too many Wizards drafts have consisted of middling picks that either become Jarvis Hayes or sit overseas for a year. With two first rounders (sometime), the Wiz will be in the position to continue to bolster their future, or even deal for that elusive big man that doesn't really exist for less than 20-mil a year.

3) Blatche's booty call: Look, we are not going to again link ourselves to taking a stand for victimless crimes, but lets give the child a break. He is only 20 years old, has been shot, and has had to share a locker room with Michael Ruffin. We can grant him a little slack when the heat turns up and the local police officer count explodes. He has even taken to the airwaves to declare his innocence. The worst thing the Wiz could do would be to cut this kid loose for this transgression. The aforementioned Chris Webber may have had his personal flaws, but his colorful rap sheet was still the wrong reason to deal him for the genial Mitch Richmond. Give the kid a chance to redeem himself.

4) Stevenson's retaining: Look, the Wizards could have maybe dropped Rashard Lewis money on their venerable defending two-guard for his undying vet-minimum loyalty, but they didn't. They locked up that starting two position for the future at a reasonable price, ensuring the lasting chemistry betwixt him and Agent Zero, and supporting his role through the drafting of Nick Young. Stevenson had two major plays that lead to W's last year (1. dish to Caron for dagger vs. Knicks, 2. shot block and free throws vs. Hawks), and his swag was entertaining to watch. He fit nicely into Eddie Jordan's supposed system, and he actually has the potential to get better, with surgically repaired knee ligaments rounding into form. Why send him elsewhere for an unknown? Gilbert is happy with it, and with doomsayers worried about his pending free agency, keeping him ebuilient is of the utmost importance...

5)...As is keeping our friend Ivan Carter happy: Please don't let the internet bother you. One trip through the message boards ought to have you convinced that these people are pretty much crazy. So keep us posted on those Navarro particulars, PLZ!

Burgeoning Relationships at Training Camp

The DC Optimist was lucky enough (if you count being in Bawlmer in torrid heat temperatures as "lucky") to witness first-hand the fast-developing relationship between the future greatest-safety-tandem-in-the-history-of-the-NFL at the Redskins' generally successful scrimmage against inferiors up north. Sitting near the Redskins sideline, we witnessed the young Laron Landry, fresh off of rushing his agent into finishing a deal so that he could attend this glorious camp (very team-first, no?), tailing the physically marvelous yet intimidatingly stoic Sean Taylor throughout the practice sessions, picking the pro-bowler's blow-out-fro encased brain for tips on playing the as bone-crushingly as physically possible. Taylor, in contrast to the manner in which he deals with ravenous reporters, took the young Landry in, often showing him the ins and outs of their respective positions. The DC Optimist witnessed numerous fist-bumps, in fact, the two were pretty much inseperable on the sidelines, looking like a more athletic, less drug-addled Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo, although I think the major hallucinations that this duo will look to accrue will be for their opposing wide receivers, dealt via earth-shattering, Brian Moorman-nightmare subjecting, legal hits. Just witness the two collaborating on Todd Heap in the photo above, no doubt causing a loss of bowel retention. I look forward to Terry Glenn again sensing the potential impact of either 21 or 30 (an area superfans at extremeskins have dubbed, "Area 51") and flinching no matter what side of the field he attempts to circumvent.

Speaking of Taylor, of whom he rarely does himself, many have pieced together profiles via other people's quotes in light of Taylor's refusal to deal with the Steve Czabens of the world. A favorite from this piece was this one by perennial quote-machine Clinton Portis:

"Defensive player of the year. ... You're going to see some picks. You're going
to see some heads getting knocked off. You're going to see some receivers
retire. You're going to see everything you've been looking for."

With T.O. nursing more phantom, press-whoring injuries, will it be Taylor finally escorting him into the broadcast booth were he ought to be permanently ensconced? Portis has already emitted a great amount of 'tism earlier in this offseason, and it's great to hear him continue brimming, especially when it involves his former classmate at the U. It sure seems like a long time since 'tism-haters were clamoring for reasons why this safety duo wasn't going to work, mostly involving baseless accusations regarding Taylor's committment to the team. Gee, his missing from mythic OTAs a couple of months back seems like even more of a pointless waste of ink, doesn't it Sally?

And with the continued development of Taylor, it's ever the more special to pair him with such a sponge-riffic Landry. Now, if the two tandem up and change the Redskins defense to a respectible one instead of a laughable one, wouldn't that mean that draft pick prognostigators would again be wrong in their assessments? This one wouldn't be.

Truth In Signage (and I hate the word 'signage')

Note to the snarky Giants' fan with the sign that read, "You're in last place. Pitch to Barry" : A more accurate sign would have read, "My team is in last place by a significant margin. Please don't pitch to Barry because once he hits his next home run there will be no reason to follow this aging, pathetic team with no future." How's that?

It's pretty safe to say that nobody can scatter eight hits and five walks like DCO Hall of Famer John Lannan can scatter eight hits and five walks. Just when it seemed the wheels were going to fall off every inning, he got The Reason Everyone Was There (TREWT) to ground into a double play or strike out. Sure it would have been nice to win this one, and yes they probably should have, and it does hurt to see "(BS)" next to "Cordero" in the box score and to see Ray King's perfect season record sullied. But it was a nasty set of circumstances playing last night after a cross-country trip the day before and a set of brutally hot games previous to that. Goodness, with the drastic temperature change from Washington to San Francisco we should just hope the boys don't all catch pneumonia. Bundle up out there in that 60-degree weather.

So not to worry, the chasing down of the Marlins will get back on track, likely tonight. And if TREWT should happen to homer, so be it. Then at least we can all go back to ignoring the Giants again.

The Hottest Team in the Majors (plus MAO of the Week for 8-3)

Look at that: 50-60, a nice round record. Fifty-two games left and only 13 wins needed to avoid 100 losses, the second-most-dire prediction for the Nationals. The Royals re-join the group of clubs in Washington's rearview mirror as the Nats' winning percentage soars to .455. Florida is even feeling the heat within the division, barely holding on to 4th place by half a game, and needing extra innings last night to keep their tenuous (and surely temporary) hold on that spot.

Bigger picture: the Nats have won five in a row, the longest current streak in MLB. They are 8-2 in their last 10 games, a record matched only by the Arizona Diamondbacks. In short, they are The Hottest Team in the Majors as they go for a sweep of the Cardinals, and as they stare down history starting tomorrow in San Francisco.

If the Nationals give up the record-breaking homer to Barry Bonds, they will receive the most attention from MLB they have in a long time, at least since the beginning of the season and the "worst-ever" predictions, and certainly more attention than in the MLB ownership days. The useless powers-that-be give our team so little attention and respect that they couldn't even include Ronnie Belliard's inspiring fielding performance in MLB.com's Top 10 defensive plays of the week. We can only hope, since Ronnie's feat took place on Tuesday and the list came out Wednesday, that there simply wasn't time to put him at the top where he deserves to be and reshuffle the rest of the pack. Surely this oversight will be mentioned with next week's Top 10.

On a related note, we present a late-coming Manny Acta Optimist of the Week award to the Washington Nationals' collective brain trust. This past week they let the trading deadline pass without dealing the oft-mentioned trade bait Chad Cordero, John Rauch, and Ryan Church. It's hard to argue with the results that keeping the team together have yielded. Since that July 31 statement of faith in the team on the field (and unwillingness to part with current players for those ill-defined "prospects" everyone was clamoring for), the winning has been uninterrupted. It re-enforces the simple brilliance of The Plan, highlights even more the optimism-brimming managerial magnificence of Chair Manny, and brings teeming crowds of 25,000+ to RFK.

As the team looks to plant another dozen on the hapless Cards this afternoon and looks to make/spoil history in the days afterwards, let's keep in mind that the wild card is only 9.5 games away. There, we said it.

The Dance Sensation that is Sweeping the Nation (and the Reds)!

Like the rest of the world, we too were stunned and inspired by this simply marvelous feat of physical prowess performed by the Nationals recently (brilliantly) re-upped second baseman Ronnie Belliard:


So inspired were we that we figured that the only way to properly pay tribute to this most fantastic of season-uplifting baseball plays is to create an interpretive dance. What follows is not only Bobtimist Prime's youtube hoofin' debut, but also the beginnings of what will no doubt become the greatest baseball-player inspired dance like ever. Ladies and gentlemen:

THE RONNIE™

Now, take this brilliant dance routine and use it to display your Nationals pride and/or your newfound dance talents by performing it at your local bar and/or grill when they play "A Bay Bay," or any other remotely hype song that isn't Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" (ugh, please, make it stop). Passionately spin yourself in section 424 when you are at the ballpark later this evening, admiring Ronnie's plate appearances and or routine stops. Perform it in large groups of people, choreographing complex wave-like rounds into it's seemingly simple premise. Capture it on youtube and send it to us. It's time that the world knew the awesomes that Ronnie Belliard consistently deliver to us, and by spreading this dance sensation throughout the nation, we can make that happen. DO THE RONNIE™

More Expert Ignorance Brought to Light

Bloggers often catch heat for not being "legitimate" writers, and for being of questionable "reliability" because they are not beholden to legions of editors and fact-checkers. It's all nonsense, of course, since "professional" writers such as this guy, Matt Becker, can get away with such a blatant disregard for facts. The first line of his Nationals-Reds game preview was so out-of-step with reality it would have been laughable if it were not so insulting. This looks like a growing problem over at Yahoo!, since in the past week we have already exposed an example of shoddy journalistic research on their part.

Before we get into this latest slight on the Nats, let's bask in the 'tism-tinged light of a brilliant series sweep, one accompanied by the shut-down antics of Mike Bacsik (post-2nd-inning) and the thunder from the heart of the lineup. DCO attempted to attend the game, but was denied by the crushing and baffling onslaught of traffic near the 14th Street Bridge (traffic exiting town, in contrast, breezed by unfettered). Question: how long should it take to go from Pentagon City to the Pentagon? If you said "less than 45 minutes" you would be incorrect. Now, on to the horrid line:

"The Washington Nationals are stumbling through another disappointing season."

We know, we know. The awfulness, inaccuracy, and ignorance of this statement speak for themselves. Still, for the benefit of those who would believe such things are true, let's examine some key words from this ill-conceived sentence and analyze what they mean and why they are wrong.

-Stumbling. "to move unsteadily. falter." Mr. Becker would apparently have us believe that the team is moving aimlessly through the season, without purpose.
He obviously is unaware of the brilliance and long-term focus of The Plan, how it is blossoming, perhaps years ahead of schedule, and how key components are in place and developing at a staggeringly quick pace. This is not unsteady movement, and the team is far from faltering (see below). The Montreal/San Juan Expos were stumbling. Bud Selig’s handling of the moving/selling of the team could be described as stumbling (or, more accurately, “purposely incompetently executed”). This team is not stumbling.

-Disappointing. "failing to fulfill one's hopes or expectations." As bad as “stumbling” was, this is worse. They may be the first team in history to see 48-60 as not disappointing, but the fact is…48-60 is not disappointing. It is in fact cause for blissful celebration. By most “expert” accounts (presumably including some experts at Yahoo!), 48 wins was supposed to be far beyond attainable for this group, whose Major League credentials were constantly questioned. They were supposed to be the pushover joke of the NL East, yet they find themselves only 2.5 games behind the mighty Florida Marlins for 4th place in the division. They have a better record than teams not burdened with worst-ever predictions: the Giants, Astros, Pirates, Reds, Devil Rays (please let this list include the word “Orioles” by the end of this season. It’s possible, so very possible). Maybe Manny needs to sit down with this guy and give him a scolding, and explain to him how un-disappointing this season is, perhaps pointing out that winning July record as an indication of how far (how fast) this team has come from 9-25.

So, Mr. Becker, before you take a quick glance at the standings and write your previews based solely on cold, unforgiving win-loss counts, dig a little deeper. There could be a completely different story behind those numbers.

Mike Wise Cops to 'Tism Hating, Attempts to Make Peace with DCO

Never have us at the DC Optimist felt so vindicated by a sentence than when we read this smoking gun of a 'graph from oft-noted 'tism-hater and vibrantly-collared shirt-wearer Mike Wise in his recent blogosphere-besmirching column.

"Sad and subversive as it is, I usually like to stoke such fears. I have no
problem contributing to the insecurity of any team's core fan base."

You never fooled us, Mr. Wise, we already knew about your rampant 'tism hating and the underlying reasons for it. We already knew that your general Ray Lewis-like stabs in the direction of humor at the expense of Brendan Haywood, your woe-are-the-wiz columns where fantasy trades are bandied about, and your Redskins are racist finger wags, were all a means of screwing with the fanciful mindsets of this rather wholesome, non-Philadelphian-like public sports fanbase. We knew that your unabashed 'tism-hating was simply a ruse to make television appearances and purchase the latest in neon magic eye patterned collar-wear. We have had your 'tism-hating tagged ever since you were calling for an Antonio Daniels and Etan Thomas for a "legitimate 20 and 10 big man" swap that couldn't exist.

And we know you know this too.

Which is why we are willing to accept your apology that you obviously olive-branched out to us this morning, as well as your reformation into a T-Boz-like spreader of goodness. It was great to see you traversing the inner-webs looking for signs of 'tism-hating and cut-and-running amongst the legions of Redskins faithful in light of recent training camp bumps and bruises. We too feel like the Redskins faithful are a bit too wary of potential knee-sprains upon their consciousness, it is the reason for our existence. Why many of these people are failing to actually APPRECIATE how these tiny nicks upon precious ligaments are beneficial to the team. We WANT Samuels sidelined during the preseason, where he cannot possibly end up like Jansen did back in 2005 with his achilles obliterated by the Canton concrete field during preseason meaninglessness. We also WANT Portis on a stationary bike instead of on the field attempting arm-bars on wayward defensive backs. The Samuels situation even allows the Paris Hilton depth of the o-line to be further evaluated (was that a vagina joke or what? The Fabini, et. al-makeup of the o-line consists of depth-ness), the rookie gems to be unearthed, and the Todd Wades to be properly taught. We too know that Marcus Washington's resting, braceless time is as important as the contents of his urine.

We think it's great that you have now embraced the 'tism. We have spend 130+ internet spaces (we're not posters, n00b), attempting to liven up the people who feel like they may be suffering. It's obvious you are seeing the results, with the Nationals posting a WINNING MONTH, the Wizards locking up brilliant draft picks, the Caps new-attituding, and the 'skins talkin' super bowl. We are just happy to see that your foolish 'tism-hating ways are behind you. Maybe dangling a potential MAO of the Week award might elicit more columns of this healing-like variety (the "...tendinitis isn't something that is serious unless you're an aging basketball superstar trying for a comeback" line is delicious in it's Jordan bashing. Wonder if Michael "Cuba" Wilbon got that?). Indeed it is a "new day people." Now you just have to say something to Sally Jenkins.